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General Chat - anything Goes > I suppose you think that's punny.

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message 1: by B J (new)

B J Burton (bjburton) | 2914 comments A thread for those of us who enjoy a pun with our tea or coffee.
Speaking of which:
Q: Why can't adders take caffeine?

A: Because it makes them viperactive.

Safe in the knowledge that Kath won't venture into this thread, I can risk these comments about archaeologists,

They are often heard saying, "We want archaic and eat it, too."

Trying to read ancient writing has runed many a career.


message 2: by Kath (new)

Kath Middleton | 25063 comments Thank you - and goodbye! ;)


message 3: by B J (new)

B J Burton (bjburton) | 2914 comments We put ten puns into this thread to try to make Kath smile. No pun in ten did.


message 4: by T4bsF (Call me Flo) (last edited Oct 11, 2016 03:16AM) (new)

T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) Brilliant thread BJ - I started one in another group (now folded) - so I'll be able to get my pun fix here now, especially as I've just been fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 36808 comments I dedicate this thread to Spider Robinson and the brilliant punsters of Callahans Crosstime Saloon. If you haven't read it you haven't lived!

(Insert brilliant pun here)


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.


message 7: by B J (new)

B J Burton (bjburton) | 2914 comments It looks as if we may be the only two with the pun gene. I'll just have to be the ebb to your Flo. Did you hear about the Buddhists who refuse injections at the dentist? They're looking to transcend dental medication.


Lynne (Tigger's Mum) | 5862 comments You can't be optimistic with a misty optic said my mum every time she cleaned her specs.


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) Nice one Lynne's Mum!

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.


message 10: by Chris (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments I'll join in if you don't mind the smell. I'm pun gent.


message 11: by T4bsF (Call me Flo) (last edited Oct 11, 2016 02:24PM) (new)

T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) I can't join in at the moment, as I'm busy. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity and it's impossible to put down


message 12: by David (new)

David Edwards | 445 comments I tried to teach my dog to bring the ball back but he just didn't get it :(


message 13: by Chris (last edited Oct 11, 2016 11:14PM) (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments I'm not very well at the moment. I think it's one of those Elizabethan illnesses, because I'm feeloing quite ruff.


message 14: by Tim (new)

Tim | 9478 comments I was going to read this thread before going to the shops, but I don't have the thyme.


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) Neither do I, so I was going to ask Rosemary to get me some


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 36808 comments That is sage advice. parsley the basil there, Herb!


eastwood  (do you feel lucky punk,well do ya) | 15991 comments dyslexic man walks into a bra.


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) He should learn sign language - it comes in handy sometimes.


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 36808 comments eastwood (do you feel lucky punk,well do ya) wrote: "dyslexic man walks into a bra."

or was it an arb?


message 20: by Tim (new)

Tim | 9478 comments Whoever heard of a dyslexic arb?


Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 61757 comments The insomniac, dyslexic agnostic who lay awake all night wondering if there is a dog.


message 22: by B J (new)

B J Burton (bjburton) | 2914 comments Is that the one who found he'd sold his soul to Santa?


message 23: by Chris (last edited Oct 13, 2016 12:29AM) (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments I was going to take my hen for a walk this morning, but it was too cold, and I chickened out.


message 24: by Elizabeth (new)

Elizabeth White | 2067 comments So how eggzactly is your hen going to manage without any eggsercise?

Well, someone had to...


message 25: by eastwood (do you feel lucky punk,well do ya) (last edited Oct 13, 2016 01:49AM) (new)

eastwood  (do you feel lucky punk,well do ya) | 15991 comments eggsordinary !


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) Eggsactly


message 27: by Anita (last edited Oct 13, 2016 03:04AM) (new)

Anita | 3758 comments Did you lot sleep in the knife box last night ?


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 36808 comments Thats what I call a cutting remark, Anita!


message 29: by Chris (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments Anita's honing her wit.


message 30: by Chris (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments I'm steeling myself for more cutlery puns.


eastwood  (do you feel lucky punk,well do ya) | 15991 comments your too sharp for us.


message 32: by Chris (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments My pet angora has been taken away by the police because it keeps butting people. I'm annoyed... they've really got my goat!


message 33: by Chris (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments Just seen a reference to Izal toilet paper on TV. Didn't that brand come to an end?


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) Chris wrote: "I'm steeling myself for more cutlery puns."

As long as you don't get stroppy if they don't arrive!!!


message 35: by Chris (last edited Oct 13, 2016 01:07PM) (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments Razor-sharp wit, Flo. I was hoping for some sterling cutlery puns, but people seem to be hinting that I should fork off. Perhaps they need spoon-feeding?


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) ............are you telling me that I'm a stirrer?


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 36808 comments An old friend of mine was an expert stirrer - they called him Kenwood Carey!


message 38: by Chris (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments I asked Madhur Jaffrey and Ken Hom to mix my cake. Madhur wouldn't, but Ken wood


message 39: by Chris (last edited Oct 13, 2016 01:42PM) (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments T4bsF (Call me Flo) wrote: "............are you telling me that I'm a stirrer?"

No first prize, but you get the wooden spoon.

Speaking of spoons, I was hoping to hear that early voice recording of Dr. William Spooner discussing the care of small water craft beloved of University students on the Thames at Oxford. Apparently his "Care of Punts" is an entertaining listen.


message 40: by Chris (new)

Chris Robb (chrisrobb) | 1738 comments I know I'm straying from puns, but speaking of entertaining listening, I'm hoping to get a CD of Christmas carols by the Tourettes Syndrome Male Voice Choir.


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) I know someone who follows them religiously - and he swears they'll reach no. 1 one day!!


message 42: by Richard (new)

Richard Martinus | 646 comments Chris wrote: "Speaking of spoons, I was hoping to hear that early voice recording of Dr. William Spooner discussing the care of small water craft ..."

Great guy, the Rev Spooner. He gave me my finest review. He said I was a shining wit.


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) I was visiting him one day and noticed a large black stain on his garage floor - he said it was from a well-boiled icicle!


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 36808 comments Oh I remember him, wasn't he the one who told a student that he had tasted the whole worm, and he would be sent home on the town drain!


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 36808 comments My mum has a habit of getting her words mixed up. She told me that our vicar has 'a pie in every finger', she told me to get 'a nail and some hammers' and she told my dad to go and hoover the grass. She also said that his new outfit suited him 'down the drain', and that a scruffy old man was 'dressed in drag'.


Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 61757 comments I love this thread.


eastwood  (do you feel lucky punk,well do ya) | 15991 comments if alcohol affects short term memory, what does alcohol do ?


message 48: by B J (new)

B J Burton (bjburton) | 2914 comments A man died today when a load of books fell on his head. He only had his shelf to blame.


message 49: by B J (new)

B J Burton (bjburton) | 2914 comments I should have been annoyed when we had a powercut tonight, but I was delighted.


T4bsF (Call me Flo) (time4bedsaidflorence) A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but I soon realized that toucan play at that game.


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