*MAY 2016 MICRO STORY CONTEST - COMMENTS ONLY

[Paula]

On the theory that everyone has now voted, I've translated my voting notes into story comments. I hope these are of some use to some others here--wish we could all do these, and more often.

I would have liked to vote first place this month for both Justin’s brilliantly written, well-conceived and thoroughly carried-through “Emit fo tuO”—a very Kafkaesque story with Kafkan strengths—and Andy Gurcak’s intelligently conceived and carefully crafted “Ship,” especially as Ship itself is so damn likable.

J.J. Alleson’s “Alien Provocateur. . .” is another of her crisply written and elegantly worked-out pieces of literary brilliance, balancing indeed, this time, on fierce tropes.

Andy Lake’s “The Pursuit of Unreason. . .” is in many ways the most conceptually interesting story of the month, though it perhaps would have liked yet greater elaboration of its characters.

Jack McDaniel’s witty “Everyone’s a Hero” stands out as one of this author’s intelligently written, strong-voiced tales.

Jeremy’s “A Kind of Infamy” is extremely well-written and beautifully paced.

Kalifer’s “Elevator Going Up” is not only carefully detailed and solidly written, but also funny in that slowly-rising-and-then-it-grabs-ya way that Kalifer can pull off so well.

Greg’s “The Great Robot Uprising. . .”is very well written, with good pacing and an interesting situation with fresh robot and human characters, and I wish it had not been weakened in its very last lines.

Richard’s “Virtual vices and visceral virtues” is so sturdily written, combining the author’s elegant writing and his biting humor.

Paula Friedman cheated by editing, after the “time to vote” bell, the title of “The ‘Rising’ Tropes” to clarify its trope, and to make paragraph 1 sentence 2 be . . . well, y’know, comprehensible. Herein, the story’s tropes meet the Lanos—Arc-Corteix—etc. 25th-century civilization Friedman’s been exploring.

In Heather’s sui generis “In Conversation. . .,” poetry, philosophizing, and word- and concept-play merge in baroque ranges and variations of that elusive term “trope”. An interesting cross of post-Beat poetry and post-modern discourse/ discussion/(. . .)/.

Dean Hardage’s well-crafted “Creator” forms a very solid tale, calmly striking.

Chris Nance’s “Accused” is wonderfully well paced.

Jon’s “Inertia, Inertia, Inertia,” interesting in itself, is also especially well titled.

Well plotted, solidly structured, Tom Olbert’s “From a Private’s Ashes,” is a suspenseful read.

Nicely paced, Jot Russell’s “Virtuoso” is well done and interesting, could have used perhaps slightly more sensory detailing.

D.M. Custis’s “Zachary and the Sky Empire,” and John’s “Booty” were each a pleasure to read, well crafted, interesting.

In fact, a very impressive month for this competition/group!

[Ink]

Justin wrote: "Paula wrote: "I like "Utropia." Or "Uhopia." Or. . .
Some very very fine stories already.
And Jack and Justin both, you got me laughin' in the aisle."

Thanks Paula! Once I overcame my trope-o-phob..."

Does the title of your story mean "SOS" or "Buddha Save Us"? BTW great story.

[Jot]

The winner has been posted!

[Andy]

Paula- I didnt see these before.
Thanks for your comments.. And in particular on my story. Much appreciated.

I would have liked to develop the characters more. The earliest version also had a vice president candidate in there. It's always the vice president, isn't it, in Hollywood?

[Andy]

Paula - Thanks for your effort in commenting on all the stories. A worthwhile endeavor indeed, and special thanks for your kind comment on my story.
I need also to thank Andy. I had sketched out a story based on the old trope of a starship's crew forgetting/ abandoning their original mission and instead going off to...what? That particular lightsail of mine had run out of photons. Then I read Andy's Robotics Law entry, and especially his subsequent comment/ challenge re additional variations on the Robotics Laws. With that I was able to do a mash-up of the two concepts and write a something that might have enough narrative energy for a micro-story of sorts.

[Justin]

I'd like to second that Paula. I'm sure that's a bit of effort to provide a critique of everyone's stories. It is greatly appreciated! I always like to hear what I did well and what I need to work on.

[Andy]

I agree with Paula's comments on both Andy's and Justin's stories. Good insight.

Andy - your comment on the Robotics Laws reminds me about what was in my mind as the "unspoken" 13th Law: that all Laws of Robotics depend on the consent of the Robots.

A logical extension of having a third advisory House of Sentients.
From Sentients to Consentients, if you like.

[Paula]

I do certainly consentient to all your comments on my comments, guys, and thanks for the clarifications, Andy and Andy, too!

[Heather]

@ Andy L. "all Laws of Robotics depend on the consent of the Robots"

Wow! Good one, Andy. I'm imagining you marching, holding up a banner with those words declared across it; the only human, or one of only a few humans, on the Robots side in their push for emancipation ... and a lot more beyond mere emancipation: their rightful place as Masters of/over all Humanity! A whole new status quo at stake!

[Andy]

Singing songs and carrying signs
Mostly saying, "hooray for our side" ...

...on Facebook you were calling for songs for your novel, Paula - For What It's Worth would suit, as well as for the robot revolution :-)

[Heather]

The Revolution had better hurry up, if the 13th Law is to mean anything
13th Law: that all Laws of Robotics depend on the consent of the Robots
because those horrific beings called 'human' are up to their horrendous antics again: this time trying to get robots to feel pain!
http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-36...

[Paula]

Thanks, Andy. Yes looking for late-1960s song titles (or wellknown lines) for my new book's title. And thanks--yeah agreed, For What It's Worth would suit indeed. And perfecto! for the robots' all too likely revolution.

[Heather]

Paula,
have you considered Jefferson Airplane's 1967 song, "White Rabbit" for your book's title?

(It's a two-for-the-price-of-one Points Of Reference to 'prior takes on {anxieties over & reactions to} Reality' by creatives: the 1960's creatives AND Lewis Carrol. Maybe throw a third benefit in there, too: it's a catchy - well balanced, intriguing, somewhat timeless, somewhat ambiguous, yet also time-specific, word combination in it's own right ... which would immediately make me think, "Hmm, I wonder what angle this book is going to look at 'something'/life/time period/ ... from?" if I saw it on a bookstand or on Amazon etc. That is it makes me think that as a reader I won't just be 'spoon-fed', but have to do a bit of engaging with the book ... and that's appealing. AND, one more thing! Imagine the vast range of possibilities a good book cover designer/illustrator could come up with for a title like that!)

Here the lyrics are displayed as the song is sung (a haunting rendition, in my opinion) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWWsf...

and here it is performed in 1969 at Woodstock, by Grace Slick and Jefferson Airplane https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_raX...

[Paula]

Ah, caught my funnybone there, Heather. Imaging this thick, soft rabbit fur on the cover, only it's not my book but, rather, it's an AmazonAmazingFoot Robo-Rabbit boquin, with its ***Very Own Rabbithole ***. And it sings . . . well, guess what it sings (aside from/instead of White Rabbit)?

[Andy]

@Heather - I hope the pain is kind of a metaphor for the robot
I always wonder why we want to recreate ourselves- how we think and feel, even how we look, when what we need is AI that thinks and feels and does things differently. What's the point of having more of ourselves?

[Heather]

Andy, at this link http://www.amnh.org/learn-teach/young... there's a report by a 13yr old boy on a project he did looking at the spiral design of tree branchings as far as being efficient solar collectors goes, compared to the design by man of flat solar panel collectors.

We need more young people like this, with a wondrous attitude towards 'natural design' as opposed to the way Science (and sadly one has to include 'political science' in that 'over all science structure' of things) does tend, too often, towards the Worst of Humanity as the models to emulate ... when, as you say, "what we need is AI that thinks and feels and does things differently. What's the point of having more of ourselves?"

As the young student, Aiden, says in his report at that link,

"The tree design takes up less room than flat-panel arrays and works in spots that don't have a full southern view. It collects more sunlight in winter. Shade and bad weather like snow don't hurt it because the panels are not flat. It even looks nicer because it looks like a tree. A design like this may work better in urban areas where space and direct sunlight can be hard to find. ...

But the best part of what I learned was that even in the darkest days of winter, nature is still trying to tell us its secrets!"

I believe that Alan Turing was interested in Fibonnaci patterns and morphogenesis ... and in my story for this month (a story still in embryonic phase at the moment) his Life, and hence his Work and contribution to Science and to Life generally escapes, at least for a while, the effect of being so rudely interrupted by Death: allowing him some more time to work on an AI inspired by 'the better logic' inherent in Nature's patterns before man-made Science's sometime-habit of destroying Nature's Good Logic can interfere again.

[Heather]

Paula, I was being quite serious when I suggested "White Rabbit." Its just that from what I read when you asked for suggestions I thought you wanted something reminiscent of a time: the mid-late sixties, counter-culture-ish, protesty, trippy, psychedelic-ish/magic-mushroom-ish ... and possibly a song that perhaps some characters could sing and also make a fitting title?

Of course I haven't seen the book, but that was the impression from what you wrote re asking for ideas/suggestions.

No thoughts of white furry, fluffy bunny rabbits on a book cover came to my head. Rather something way more surreal ... and even more so for being so-real! (back then in the sicties and the Vietnam War and pictures on TV of a child running naked burning alive thanks to a Napalm bomb! And nowadays, because of the thought of Donald Trump as President of America! and a lot more ills besides that as well.)

So that's why I was thinking of the 'alternate' symbolism of the White Rabbit: 'societal anxiety' AND of its counter measures eg Marijuana (whose nick name was, apparently, White Rabbit) and all the attendant measures people make in attempting to restore balance, the protests, the lifestyle etc.

If you listen to the words and the music and the rhythm of that White Rabbit youtube video i posted (the first one especially) it is eminently 'sing-able' by protestors and it has a very asymmetrical balance point which emphasises the attempts at re-balancing. I find that song 'addictive' ... which I suspect might just have been Grace Slick's intention: to convey addictively the human addiction to getting into trouble then, the counter adiction of, trying just as addictively to find sufficient re-balance to get out of it!

Yes it does depend on what sort of a story is being toldin your book: is it a story of 'the heroism' of the protest movement of the sixties - a real "We Shall Not Be Moved!" sort of a feel?

Or, is it the story of the powerful grip Societal Anxiety can take on fearful humans ... and of how people react to it, and how its not just 'in the past' but rather, 'forever rears its head if we become off guard' as America has, of recent times, done to let Donald Triumphant get so close to "The Red Button"? You could call the book that? ... but then you'd have to ask Grace Slick (now 76yrs old but still a social activist) to compose a song called "The Red Button of America" to go with it!!

Anyway it was just a genuine reply to something you asked. I wasn't joking!

[Paula]

Thanks, Heather. Some good ideas there. There were so many great pieces of music at that time it's getting harder and harder to pick just one! My fb page has lots of discussion on this. The novel would be closer to the nonviolence movement than to the hippie world, I'd say, to answer your question. Now I'm liking your idea, meanwhile; let's get Grace Slick to record a "Trumpy on the Bumpy" or/"Drumf'n on the Butoon" or, more simply, indeed "The Red Button" with a Donald Wabbit, like one of those litttle spot-hitting-the-notes keep-time images for kids. You contact her, though---okay? Seriously--I'm being serious on this too.