UK Amazon Kindle Forum discussion
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David Staniforth
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What do you think of this blurb?
And my confidence over punctuation drops a little lower :'(
Gently simmering is a good description for this one, Jim. It builds really well.
The simmering was inspired by something Kath said. I'd get complaints if I said fast paced, though it does have fluctuations in momentum.
But it certainly doesn't drag.
David wrote: "And my confidence over punctuation drops a little lower :'("Sorry, sweetie. It's just that the overwhelming amount of punctuation hit my eye before any of the words did. :(
David wrote: "The simmering was inspired by something Kath said. I'd get complaints if I said fast paced, though it does have fluctuations in momentum."It's just I'd wonder whether someone wanting to buy a thriller might be put off by the word 'gentle' :-(
Yeah, I'd agree with Jim. But just remove "gentle" - "a simmering psychological thriller" sounds good.
On reflection you're probably both right. Simmering it is.
Yep, I agree. Simmering is better.
You certainly don't need the first comma and I wouldn't have used some of the others either but I'm notoriously comma-shy. It's a trap you fall into when 'tightening up'. I think you only need the first line of the first para (latest version).
Sorry to be brief - off out soon for Himself's birthday trip.
Well, I killed this thread stone dead, didn't I? ;)
Not at all, I had to goto work, but I'm back now and about to assassinate some commas :~)
How well do you know the people you see every day?Sally and Keith are practically strangers until the moment she smiles at him. He is lonely. She's just split from her live-in boyfriend. Feeling sorry for Keith but unaware of the haunting voices from his past, Sally allows him to pervade the margins of her life.
As events begin to spiral out of control Sally becomes concerned about the relationship; what she should fear for is her life.
Imperfect Strangers: A simmering psychological thriller, the pressure of which builds to a dark and dramatic climax.
Go on, tell me I've taken the wrong ones out :~)
You've taken the wrong ones out.
Starting to think it' would be easier to write the blurb first, then come up with a book that fits:How well do you know the people you see every day?
Sally and Keith are practically strangers until the day she smiles at him. He is lonely. She's recently single. Unaware of the haunting voices from his past, Sally allows him to pervade the margins of her life.
As events begin to spiral out of control Sally becomes concerned about the relationship, what she should fear for is her life.
Imperfect Strangers: A simmering psychological thriller, the pressure of which builds to a dark and dramatic climax.
I'm not sure about the semi-colon.
Oh nevermind. Was dirt on my screen. :D
Fudge cake crumb, to be precise.
Patti (baconater) wrote: "A three paragraph blurb?I don't read past the second sentence most of the time."
It does say in step 4 - polish - you could always polish off a paragraph or two. That template is for the back cover of a book - maybe ebook blurbs should be even more succinct.
Maybe a blurb that makes you want to read past the second sentence is the definition of a good blurb.
I still think 'Buy this book... or else.' says all that is needed.
David wrote: "Starting to think it' would be easier to write the blurb first, then come up with a book that fits:How well do you know the people you see every day?
Sally and Keith are practically strangers un..."
Sally becomes - change the becomes to something more urgent or foreboding.
My daughters advice was: If you want to know what it's about, read the bloody book.
Foreboding is a noun. You have a foreboding. It could be more forbidding or portentous?
Gee! If a young, rich and gorgeous bloke would say that my dreams would all come true, so long as Himself didn't find out! ;)
Kath wrote: "Foreboding is a noun. You have a foreboding. It could be more forbidding or portentous?"I meant it should imply forboding, not use the actual word forboding as in:
adjective
1.
implying or seeming to imply that something bad is going to happen.
What do you think of this?"How well do you know the people you see every day?
Sally and Keith are strangers until the day she smiles at him.
Oblivious to the haunting voices from his past, Sally allows him to pervade the margins of her life.
But soon events begin to spiral out of control and Sally starts questioning the relationship.
Should she start fearing for her life instead?
Imperfect Strangers: A psychological thriller
Simmering pressure builds to a dark, dramatic climax..."
Just a thought....
I honestly don't know any more...I've lost the will to think :~/
Thanks all the same :~)
you wanted Will to think??
Leave it for tonight, I say.
It just occurred to me that if all this procrastination is over a couple of paras of blurb, posting the entire story for comment would cause a Goodreads meltdown. I wonder what a story written by a committee would look like?
We have that. It's called the morning! thread. ;)
Regardless of the blurb you decide on David you've grabbed me. Can't wait to read it ;@)
Thanks Sarah. Does that mean all of the options are winners?
Patti (baconater) wrote: "Leave it for tonight, I say."Yep. I'm going to have a large lasagne, a large glass of wine and watch some TV :D
David wrote: "Thanks Sarah. Does that mean all of the options are winners?"It was the first and last lines that grabbed me David.
How well do you know the people you see every day?
Would you smile so readily if you thought it may cost your life?
Imperfect Strangers: A Psychological thriller.
Simple does it for me ;@)
That's good to know, Sarah, thanks. I might just go with that then :~)
Well I suggested losing all but the first sentence of para 1 - I think that could go in there too.
Kath wrote: "Well I suggested losing all but the first sentence of para 1 - I think that could go in there too."I was think so too. Working at the mo, but I'll have another look when I get home.
Hopefully it'll be published at the weekend.
If it's released on Saturday I'll be able to download and read while travelling to MIL's on Sunday. Nudge,nudge!
Kath wrote: "Well I suggested losing all but the first sentence of para 1 - I think that could go in there too."Have a cookie, Kath.
Philip (sarah) wrote: "If it's released on Saturday I'll be able to download and read while travelling to MIL's on Sunday. Nudge,nudge!"I'll see what I can do. Few niggles with formatting at the moment. Complications of converting from Quark to word.
Be sure to triple check it before you up load!
How well do you know the people you see every day?Sally and Keith are practically strangers until the day she smiles at him.
Would you smile so readily if there were a risk of losing your friends?
Would you smile so readily if there were a risk of losing your life?
Imperfect Strangers: A psychological thriller that simmers to a dark and dramatic climax.
Well, I've pressed the button.Should be available in twelve hours.
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Books mentioned in this topic
Imperfect Strangers (other topics)Plot & Structure: Techniques and Exercises for Crafting a Plot That Grips Readers from Start to Finish (other topics)
Plot & Structure: Techniques and Exercises for Crafting a Plot That Grips Readers from Start to Finish (other topics)
I thought they were more fast paced than 'gentle' implies?