UK Amazon Kindle Forum discussion
This topic is about
David Staniforth
Author Zone - Readers Welcome!
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What do you think of this blurb?
Meh.I've no idea what your book is about.
What is the main story?If you can distill that down into a few sentences
That will help with the blurb
Mark
Patti (baconater) wrote: "Have you got a title yet?"Yes.
For inspiration, I've tried checking psychological thrillers that have sold well. They seem to either just have reviews and a catchline, or they give away the entire plot.
This any better?How well do you know the people you see every day?
Up until the point Sally smiled at Keith they were practically strangers. He was lonely. She felt sorry for him. Having recently split from her live-in boyfriend, she allows Keith into the margins of her life. She knows nothing of the haunting voices from his past: the bullying mother and the younger self. When she realises Keith envisages more than friendship, Sally thinks about creating a little distance, but events begin to overtake and control her actions, taking this tale to a dangerous and exciting climax.
Has her kindness fed the interest of a stalker? Can passing acquaintance lead to murder.When the ghosts from his past meet the voices in his head
I like the first sentence, Jim. He's not quite a stalker, though. It may have inspired me to take a different tack, however.
David wrote: "This any better?How well do you know the people you see every day?
Up until the point Sally smiled at Keith they were practically strangers. He was lonely. She felt sorry for him. Having recent..."
Oh yeah! I'm having vague recollections now...
;)
Not helping much. The blurb is not meant to be an aid to boost the memory of one who's already read it.
Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna be much help. Sorry David.I'll shout for help for you in the morning thread.
I'd take out "Sally thinks about creating a little distance" I don't think it's necessary and kind of takes away from the build up of something going wrong.Like this;
When she realises Keith envisages more than friendship events begin to overtake and control her actions, taking this tale to a dangerous and exciting climax.
But I dunno, just an idea. I thought the creating distance comment was a bit clunky
I think you're right, Jud. I can see these things when helping others, but not with my own.
This is from an appendix in
:Here is one simple template to use. It's by no means the only way to go, but it will give you three workable paragraphs for your book description:
Paragraph 1: Begin the first paragraph with your lead character's name and her current situation:
___ is a ___ who ____.
Write one or two more sentences, describing something of the character's background and current world.
Paragraph 2: Start this paragraph with the word suddenly or But when. Fill in the major turning point, the doorway, that is going to thrust the Lead into Act II. Describe in two or three sentences what happens in Act II.
Paragraph 3: Begin the last paragraph with the word Now and make it an action sentence (as in David Morrell's Long Lost: 'Now Brad must struggle with a harrowing mystery.'). Or begin with the word Will, and write a couple of questions: 'Will Millie be able to claim her inheritance? Or will she be stopped by a deadly force that she can't identify? And will these events come crashing down on the Montague family itself?'
Inspirational Kicker
Just for your own benefit, add a final kicker that is pure marketing: The Montagues is a stunning debut novel by one of America's brightest new talents, sure to capture your heart and leave you yearning for more.
Step 4: Polish
Aim for 250-500 words as a final product.
A three paragraph blurb?I don't read past the second sentence most of the time.
I saw the dangerous and exciting climax and wondered if we were back on the porn thread ;-)
Some people carry their own porn within them!
I like that, Jacquelynn, thanks.I enjoy playing with blurbs too, just not for stories that I've written.
Kath wrote: "Some people carry their own porn within them!"I could be sooooo rude right now...
David wrote: "This is from an appendix in :Here is one simple template to use. It's by no..."
Thanks, David, but I'm with Patti on blurb length.
I like the first sentence of your second post: "How well do you know the people you see every day?" and Jaquelynn's blurb...
Thanks Katerina.I think it's getting close.
I'm also wondering if I should add a warning at the end in regard to strong language and Keith reflecting on abuse in his childhood. Any thoughts?
You could take those bits out and replace them with fluffy bunnies.I completely disagree with warnings.
I did like David's second version . Then I got sidetracked by David2's Inspirational Kicker which I scanned of course as Knickers. which wd have been interesting. But I think Jacqueline's nails it in terms of hooking you in. I wouldn't worry too much about 'strong language'etc - you shd listen to some of the RNIB books my mum gets - no warning at all about the vivid rape scene/abuse./violence. Which is a tad odd as it is different listening to the text when you can't quickly escape/move on. I recently read/enjoyed a book where the motive was down to childhood abuse but that abuse was v delicately handled. It doesn't need to be graphic - we all can guess/empathise to some extent. Anything else is the worst kind of pornography. You alone can judge what you have written.
A lot of books I have seen on here lately come with a warning. It is very much appreciated by readers who feel uncomfortable with certain issues and would want to avoid reading about them.In my case however, if I see a warning like: "psychological thriller", "not for the faint of heart", I want the thriller and I am miffed if the book does not deliver...
I think the warnings come from the indie fear of a one star review.
Sounds like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. It's not too graphic and it's not sexual (not the child part), and it wouldn't sum up the entire novel, so I guess I'll not bother with a warning. Fluffy bunnies....?
Definitely avoid the warning! If it's that gross, you shouldn't be publishing it. (See, am in grumpy mode this evening and I didn't even post a warning. Maybe tomorrow I'll do Sweetness & Light.)
Oh shit. Karen, you mean we're meant to post warnings when we're in grumpy mode?Do I need to post it every day or can I just do a blanket warning?
The last book I read got a one star from me, because I had high expectations incited by the the warning.If it's like you described in the post above, I don't think a warning is necessary.
Well, personally, I would assume I am in grumpy mode, so perhaps I shd only post a warning when I am in S&L mode - just so you know not to be too reassured by my apparent kindness and offer of cake.
David said it's a thriller but the blurb sounds very Mills and Boon so far. It needs something scary to set the interest going. eg something like: 'Sally fears for the relationship, but she should be fearing for her life!'
I've read it. You're spot on, Pete.
Patti (baconater) wrote: "I've read it. You're spot on, Pete."If you mean you squirt me on dogs to kill the fleas, I'll take that as a compliment.
Pete wrote: "David said it's a thriller but the blurb sounds very Mills and Boon so far. It needs something scary to set the interest going. eg something like: 'Sally fears for the relationship, but she should ..."Put a bit of fear factor in, OK. I'm a little worried about raising Katerina's expectations too high though :~)
Taking everyone's comments on board, and apologies, David2, as it's come in at just over 250 words. So much for my preference of a shorter blurb. Anyway, this is where I'm at:How well do you know the people you see every day?
Sally and Keith are practically strangers, until the moment she smiles at him. He is lonely. She's just split from her live-in boyfriend. Feeling sorry for Keith, Sally allows him to seep into the margins of her life.
But Keith envisages more than just friendship, and Sally knows nothing of the haunting voices from his past: the torturous torment of a bullying mother and his younger self.
As events begin to spiral out of control, Sally becomes concerned about the relationship; what she should fear for is her life!
Imperfect Strangers: A gently simmering psychological thriller, the pressure of which builds to a dark and dramatic climax.
Hmmm....Time for a bit of tightening up then?
Perhaps take elements from the first two paragraphs to make one?And get rid of the exclamation point. They don't belong in blurbs.
I like the tag line very much.
Thank you.Another day, fresh eyes. Though, they're not quite fully open just yet.
Patti (baconater) wrote: "Perhaps take elements from the first two paragraphs to make one?And get rid of the exclamation point. They don't belong in blurbs."
I think that might just have worked:
How well do you know the people you see every day?
Sally and Keith are practically strangers, until the moment she smiles at him. He is lonely. She's just split from her live-in boyfriend. Feeling sorry for Keith, but unaware of the haunting voices from his past, Sally allows him to pervade the margins of her life.
As events begin to spiral out of control, Sally becomes concerned about the relationship; what she should fear for is her life.
Imperfect Strangers: A gently simmering psychological thriller, the pressure of which builds to a dark and dramatic climax.
That's a lot of commas n shit. Not sure they're all necessary.Kath? What you reckon?
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Books mentioned in this topic
Imperfect Strangers (other topics)Plot & Structure: Techniques and Exercises for Crafting a Plot That Grips Readers from Start to Finish (other topics)
Plot & Structure: Techniques and Exercises for Crafting a Plot That Grips Readers from Start to Finish (other topics)
From splitting with her live-in boyfriend to feeling sorry for the security guard at work, Sally finds circumstance begins pushing her to a place she otherwise wouldn’t have chosen: a place where events seem to overtake and control her actions.
Living alone and working alone as a night security guard, Keith envisages the possibility of a brighter future when Sally gives him a kindly smile. The ghosts of his past, however, continue to shroud him in darkness.
How well do you know the people you see every day?