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Through My Eyes
message 151:
by
[deleted user]
(new)
Jan 05, 2016 10:25AM
So I'm back. Later today I have a meeting with financial aid. Hope it goes well. If not, I won't be able to go back to college. If I mess up this semester, I lose my financial aid, big scholarship, and living on the dorms! YIKES! I hope it goes ok. I think I can do it. Hopefully the meeting with financial aid goes well...otherwise...yeah...my future will be lost for idk how long.
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Okay, this week, my 12 year old cousin got a hold of my phone and started talking to a guy that I talk to. Talk about humiliating!! She deleted everything but he snapshot everything and sent it to me. Thank the Lord that he's not some sort of creep or whatever. She told him I love you. He said it's a bit too soon for that, which I COMPLETELY agree with! Needless to say, between hearing her step brother and his gf's convos and reading my conversation with a 19 year old young man, she got some very advanced conversations, like rated R, possibly! And she told her little bf that they should sleep together and whatever! I was mortified when I found out. My friend was astounded when he found out he'd been talking to a 12 year old little girl for about half an hour, thinking it was me. Oye...Did anyone else have this problem with siblings? Or little cousins too? Or is it just me...???
Well...my financial aid meeting went pretty good. And over Christmas break I got even better...even stronger. I'm just fine now. My current problem is that I still don't eat right. Now it's out of habit...instead of heartbreak. Needless to say...sometimes I'm lucky if I eat anything for a day and a half or longer. Sometimes I have only one thing or one meal and don't eat for the rest of that day and another. I'm trying to pull past this...I'm already small enough as it is...my stomach seems to have shrunk though...lol...could prove interesting....
Do you need someone to remind you to eat?
I'm trying to get better...I've got friends here that'll remind me every now and then...lol
Maybe start keeping some light foods around that are quick, easy, and accessible and just start working in small meals a day. Or at the very lest have nutrition shakes. After the shooting my diet was all messed up too, but I downed a shake or two a day so I had a little something nutritional in my system even if it's not quite comparable to a full meal. But if you start with those at set times it might get you and your body into a routine of something food-related and the expected "meal" that way you can swap it out later for real food.
Ok. Thanks. I'll try that. If I can get the money...but small snacks would be better than nothing
Exactly. Small snacks, salads, something.
I'll try to work something out
I'm so bored I'm willing to clean my friend's house -_- Lord have mercy on my soul!!
I've officially gone crazy. Be back. I'm gonna go do the dishes...
So...since that night I've gone completely crazy. I'm far more exuberant than I can ever remember being. I mean...I'm not complaining because I'm glad I'm so happy and cheerful...it's just weird though being this energetic and everything. So my case of boredom did me a favor then??? I have no idea. I just wonder how long it'll last...O.o
I saw my ex for the first time in a month. I didn't break down but...I fear I may still have a crush on him...
That's ok good didn't break down means your slowly moving past him.
Yeah. Let's hope it just stays at a crush though and not back into the depression
Hey I'm always just a couple clicks away (usually) need help you know where to find me.
It's been a few days since I've said anything and tbh...no one wants to know how those days have been XD. But they've definitely been interesting. At least I'm not gloomy like I was last time I wrote on here...*shiver* that was a bad day...it started with a freaking nightmare! The worst nightmare I've ever had! It was worse than the spider one that woke me up!! Now this is the second time that I can think of that I'd been woken up because of nightmares...
So I seem to have a...habit?...of starving myself...not good, I know. I literally just got done eating a small bag of chips and it's all I've had all day! It's 3:30 pm. I'm not purposely trying to starve myself...I just don't think about food until I get so weak that I'm shaking and dizzy and even have a headache...I've been trying to get better...but it seems to not be working. Could I be anorexic and not know it?? Or do I have some sort of eating disorder? Ugh. I don't know what to do...I think I'll have to start posting on groups to try and get some help. But that means drawing attention to myself because people will feel sorry for me or something -_- Oh well...I can't keep not eating!!
Eat now. Eat another bag of chips or something healthy.
I'm thinking about it. I don't have another bag of chips though :( It's honestly kind of scary...
Eat if I have to pm you for your # just so I can text you through out the day to eat I will
I don't need anything right now...I don't think anyways...
On second thought...maybe I will grab something...
I'm thinking about it. IDK what to eat though...
I'm a college student. There is nothing bigger. Well there are Ramens...I think anyways...
Hun, I totally understand where you're coming from. After the shooting I was a total mess. I didn't have a desire to eat, rarely felt hungry, etc. But I knew I had to eat. Set alarms, just do something.... If you won't eat much, try and make what you do eat matter. Go shopping if you can. But aim for small quantities of healthy food. If you just don't have the money even a small thing of rice or potatoes gives you options. Just start small. Set alarms, eat when you feel hungry or can tell your body needs food, anything you need. carry food with you for when you realize you need food. You have to make it a habit again even if you don't eat much. You're not going anorexic, I think it's like a natural body reaction to stress or emotion. As I sais, I experienced it too. I completely understand. If I didn't have my husband encouraging me and reminding me I probably would have barely eaten until it was at the point I felt ill. Got to the point where I literally forced myself to eat, finish off the plate, etc. You need to make an active effort in this and making it a habit again. I have faith in you, girl. You got this! :) but remember I'm here if you need to talk to someone who understands, at least about the food thing.
Ok thanks. I've got a few people breathing down my neck now...since I told them. With them knowing, I doubt I'll be able to go without food, even if I wanted to
I'm fine for now. lol. Since I posted that, I've had that bag of chips, three granola bars, some shrimp, two cookies, and a taco bravo from Taco Johns. I'm good! lol
Yeah. Definitely full by the time I got done with the taco. The shrimp and cookies made me full too but that was apparently just temporary
Thinking about taking another one of my walks. Great -_- This is not good! I need someone to like talk to me or something! :(
I had a pizza and bag of chips. I've got more food though...
Yating more!! no more starving yourself ok?
