Twilight / Life and Death
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Opinions and discussion on changes, characters, writing style, and other observations.
I like the idea of genderbent version, but first chapter is still quite boring.
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Some things are better, some things are worse. She did tighten up the writing a bit, and got rid of a lot of unnecessary adverbs. She took out the word "chagrin" which she completely overdid in Twilight.
WHAT I LIKED:
- No more "chagrin"
- The Tyler/prom story arc was done much nicer
- SM didn't make Beau quite as bratty as Bella.
- The twist at the end.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE:
- She didn't do a good enough job swapping out the genders. It takes more than search-and-replace to make it work well. Boys don't behave exactly as girls do, so Emmett turned into a big girl who hovered over her skinny boyfriend, and spoiled for a chance to kill Joss/James.
- Those stupid names. Who the hell names their kid "Royal"?
- She kept "holy crow". Nobody talks like that.
- She kept the plot hole: Bella/Beau should not have been able to get away from Alice/Archie. Her intent was to escape and that never wavered. That was enough to change Alice's visions enough to tell her to grab Bella.
WHAT I LIKED:
- No more "chagrin"
- The Tyler/prom story arc was done much nicer
- SM didn't make Beau quite as bratty as Bella.
- The twist at the end.
WHAT I DIDN'T LIKE:
- She didn't do a good enough job swapping out the genders. It takes more than search-and-replace to make it work well. Boys don't behave exactly as girls do, so Emmett turned into a big girl who hovered over her skinny boyfriend, and spoiled for a chance to kill Joss/James.
- Those stupid names. Who the hell names their kid "Royal"?
- She kept "holy crow". Nobody talks like that.
- She kept the plot hole: Bella/Beau should not have been able to get away from Alice/Archie. Her intent was to escape and that never wavered. That was enough to change Alice's visions enough to tell her to grab Bella.
Rel8tivity
I think it's just me. It's an unusual adjective so it stuck out to me when she used it as many times as she did.
Agree on the active voice updates. Jus ...more
Agree on the active voice updates. Jus ...more
So far, I feel that this story flows a little better than the original. However, that could just be because I've read it before. I'm still picturing Bella sometimes, and I wish there was a more visual description for Beau. I'm reading it in a guy's voice and for the most part, it's okay.
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