Identity issues/unknown self as a byproduct of lying

[Krys]

I am looking for a novel whose main character doesn't know his/her own preferences because of habitual acting and lying such as might happen in deep undercover work or as a spy.

If a novel exists where this is the main focus of the story, that would be amazing but a few paragraphs or pages are enough for me.

I would prefer a genre novel that isn't very long (less than 500 pages) with a main character who is not sexist or racist BUT I will probably read anything with this theme even if it's not exactly to my tastes.

As you might imagine, this is very hard preference to google so I really hope some members have a recommendation or two. Thank you!

[☮Karen]

Beautiful Lies by Lisa Unger is one to consider but your description puts me in mind of the movie which was later made into a book
Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

These might not be a 100% fit.

[Claire]

Krystina wrote: "I am looking for a novel whose main character doesn't know his/her own preferences because of habitual acting and lying such as might happen in deep undercover work or as a spy.

If a novel exists ..."

So... try The Goldfinch
It meets some of your criteria, but not all. While it is lengthy, the star of the book is perpetuated by one impulsive act that he keeps secret throughout the entire novel, until the end. The secret is rather significant to the character and shapes his entire perspective of who he is and what he should do about it. I love the book... hope you do, too!

[Jen]

What about multiple personalities or just a character who disassociates due to trauma?

[drowningmermaid]

I would recommend "What The Dead Know" by Laura Lippman.

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...

While the main focus may not be on the character's search for identity, it IS about other characters' search for her identity.

Alternately, (I have not read this so I recommend with caution) you could try this Non-fiction book:
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6...

This is about Agent Zigzag. Eddie Chapman. He really did work as a double agent for both the Nazis and the British, where he had lovers on both sides of the war. He was given medals by both sides, interrogated by both sides, and the book about him claims to deal specifically with the psychology of espionage.

[Krys]

Thanks for the recs everyone. Definitely going to add these to my to read list.

[drowningmermaid]

You might also be interested in the film "Zelig."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zelig
(It's a Woody Allen film, and I know he's getting a lot of bad press these days. But the movie really is about someone who has no personal preferences, not out of spy work, but just out of a general desire to fit in.)

[Vardan]

My novella The Proposition is pretty much what you are looking for with an added slice of black humor and supernatural. Here's the synopsis:

What happens when the perpetual liar meets the devil and is made an offer he cannot refuse?

[Mostly on Storygraph]

Something Missing - maybe...

[Rachel]

I can think of a few YA books that fit this theme. They are less about the main character lying outright and more about the main character being influenced in some way and convincing themselves they believe a certain thing.

Lies We Tell Ourselves
We Were Liars
Essence
The Circle (not YA but it fits the theme in the same way as the others)

[Elena]

Maaaaaybe Liar. It's never clear what the protagonist believes to be true versus what she's lying to the reader about, but her lying habits have certainly impacted her sense of self.