Which characters in fantasy do you really just want to slap?

[Jefferson]

Half the characters in WoT, for example, would have had WAY easier lives if some old granny had just taken them each aside and told them to get their heads out of their buts and start TALKING to each other.

Or what about that pampered princess who traded Aladdin's tacky old lamp - the one he obviously freaking treasured! - for a new one?

Who do you think needs the sharp side of a slap and a few choice words from a crusty old granny?

[Michelle]

I agree with you on both accounts there, Jefferson; but also Sansa and Joffrey (he needs to be paddled on the backside then slapped LOL) from A Song of Ice and Fire (GOT).

[Helen, I·ᴍ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪʙʀᴀʀʏ]

I was just thinking WOT, LOL.

[Jefferson]

Sansa and Joffrey definitely score high on the "need-a-slap"-o-meter, Michelle. (If you want to nominate them for a stern lecture, I have a feisty old grandmother standing by to tell 'em what for at The Looking Glass.)

But while we're on GRRM, can we say a word about Rob Stark? I mean, come on! He KNEW he had (view spoiler)[been promised in marriage, and he knew the fate of his people rested in that alliance. But then he wanders off and marries some tart from the middle of nowhere? (hide spoiler)] How does that square up with the Starks being a noble House and devoted to duty?

[Marilyn]

Nynaeve was the first person who came to my mind.

[Jefferson]

Once you start naming names in WoT, Marilyn, I don't think you can stop at just Nynaeve. Want a list of self-torturing imbeciles? How about Lan, Perrin, Mat, Rand, Elayne, Morgase, Moiraine, Siuane, Avienda ... I think the only character who gets a full pardon on this point is Bella.

[Elise]

I would go with Joffrey too, but a mere slap is just not enough lol.

Another character that comes to mind is Fergal from The High King's Tomb, but he got less annoying eventually.

Then there's Nathaniel from The Amulet of Samarkand, but I really wouldn't have him any other way, so one slap is enough.

[Lee]

Sansa came to my mind first. But I think she needs a good shake more than a slap.

Robb annoys me with the whole (view spoiler)[ King of the North thing. He needed to back one of the King's brothers (though I like them even less) rather than striking out on his own like he did. Stupid move. That benefited no one except for the Lannisters. (hide spoiler)] I think he deserves a good spanking.

[Angela]

Agree on Robb needing a slap from ASOIaF.

Kvothe from The Name of the Wind annoyed me too.

[Kevin]

Angela wrote: "Agree on Robb needing a slap from ASOIaF.

Kvothe from The Name of the Wind annoyed me too."

I would also slap Kvothe. And don't forgot I would slap Regal from The Farseer Trilogy by Robin Hobb.

[Kevin]

Didn't Joffrey already get a slap in the face by Tyrion in the second episode of the first season of Game of Thrones?

[DavidO]

Harry Potter and Ron. I love them, but if Harry'd just tell the headmaster what's going on he'd solve a lot of problems. And Ron needs to stop saying stupid things to his friends and then being angry for months about it. Just make them stand next to each other and double slap 'em.

Every single character in the Wheal of time for holding secrets from people they shouldn't. Not to mention being generally bitchy. Males included.

[DavidO]

Kevin wrote: "Didn't Joffrey already get a slap in the face by Tyrion in the second episode of the first season of Game of Thrones?"

One of my wife's favorite scenes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYNeT2...

[Elise]

DavidO wrote: "Harry Potter and Ron. I love them, but if Harry'd just tell the headmaster what's going on he'd solve a lot of problems. And Ron needs to stop saying stupid things to his friends and then being ang..."

I kind of wanted to slap Harry in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

[[deleted user]]

Elise wrote: "DavidO wrote: "Harry Potter and Ron. I love them, but if Harry'd just tell the headmaster what's going on he'd solve a lot of problems. And Ron needs to stop saying stupid things to his friends and..."

You might hate me for this, but I think Dumbledore needs to be slapped at least once for playing stereotypical role of "enigmatic wizard who never explains what he does to mere mortals" in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

[Christopher]

I agree with Kevin and Angela. Kvothe needs a super-nuclear slap, followed by a donkey kicking the tar out of him, and then maybe a herd of baboons in hob-nail boots dancing on his remains.

[Michelle]

Kevin wrote: "Didn't Joffrey already get a slap in the face by Tyrion in the second episode of the first season of Game of Thrones?"

And by his mother in Season 2, but why stop there? It's not like he doesn't deserve it. LOL :)

[MrsJoseph *grouchy*]

Yeah, pretty much hated Kvothe.

I'm reading The Spirit Thief right now and I want to slap Eli into next week!! He's so freaking annoying and self-centered.

[Michelle]

Evgeny wrote: "Elise wrote: "DavidO wrote: "Harry Potter and Ron. I love them, but if Harry'd just tell the headmaster what's going on he'd solve a lot of problems. And Ron needs to stop saying stupid things to h..."

Sadly, I must agree; he really left Harry hanging after he died, and he knew he was dying, to boot. Seems like it would have been a good time to divulge a few secrets to Harry.

[Angela]

LOL Christopher I love your description of slapping Kvothe. Very nice.

[Christopher]

Angela, I can't recall any character in any other book I've read who annoyed me as much as Kvothe. Just makes me wonder what Rothfuss was thinking.

[Judy]

Tanis Half-Elven in the DragonLance books. OMG I wanted to pour a bucket of icewater on him and tell him to get over himself.

I also wanted to slap most of the characters in the WoT saga. Which is why I stopped reading them.

[Matina (Alassra)]

I agree with Judy. Tanis was the definition of emo and one of the main reasons why i never roleplayed a half-elf. I agree with WoT too. I would happily slap all of the main characters. Kvothe was annoying but Denna (or however her name is spelled) will probably top my list.

[L.G.]

I get the feeling that if people could, they'd organise like a congo line of slapping for Joffrey.

I'd probably slap Dumbledore too. There was a LOT of stuff he should have told Harry, especially since he knew he was dying. At the very least, he could have let Harry in on a few more of the secrets, so he wouldn't feel like he was going on a suicide mission.

I'd slap Ned Stark too. Honestly, I can't imagine any worse way to handle the whole mess than how he did it in Game of Thrones. There's being honourable - and then there's being plain stupid.

[Christopher]

Yeah, good point about Ned Stark. I remember thinking a similar thought when I read that book.

[Michael]

I'd slap Denethor, because I could have done a better job of preparing to defend Minas Tirith i.e. digging deep trenches around the city, then you have no siege tower problem!

Joffrey gets two slaps of course, but Ned Stark is a good one for being so honour-bound and selfish to his family.

[Jonas]

I'd slap Vin, in the second Mistborn book. She forgets about her life and starts to care only about Elend, and it's like that during the entire book. Really Annoying .-.

[Lee]

Ned. Ned. Ned. He makes the biggest mistake of all...

(view spoiler)[ You never. And. I mean never. Warn your enemy of what you're going to do to them. Never! (hide spoiler)]

It might be easier to just slap G.R.R.M. Not that I'm saying anyone should ever threaten or do violence upon an author. Lol.

[L.G.]

Nienna wrote: "Ned. Ned. Ned. He makes the biggest mistake of all...

[spoilers removed]

It might be easier to just slap G.R.R.M. Not that I'm saying anyone should ever threaten or do violence upon an author. Lol."

Yeah, the first time I read that I was throwing my hands up in the air doing my best impression of John McEnroe's "You can't be serious!"

[Helen, I·ᴍ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪʙʀᴀʀʏ]

Kvothe is not getting a slap! However, both Joffrey and Sanza can have some.

[Cindy]

It's easy to hate Joffrey, but Ned... He deserves a big ol' slap. How could he have been so stupid? It was one of those I want to hurl my Kindle across the room moments.

[DavidO]

Evgeny wrote: "You might hate me for this, but I think Dumbledore needs to be slapped at least once for playing stereotypical role of "enigmatic wizard who never explains what he does to mere mortals" in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. "

No argument here.

[Ondrej]

I'd go with the WoT crowd, especially now, being halfway through book 8. Nynaeve but pretty much any female character (bam, and I'm suddenly a woman-beater!) for all their useless-males-especially-my-boyfriend-but-oh-how-i-love-him attitude but then again, the males deserve just as much for not standing up for themselves. And then one more round for everyone not talking to the others.

Also, have Vin and Elend from Mistborn been considered, with their eternal "s/he deserves better than me"?

[Helen, I·ᴍ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪʙʀᴀʀʏ]

I remember someone being offended by the smacked bottoms in WOT, I felt that I would've been smacking the lot of them. Oh my dress, my hair, oh I know better than you but I'm keeping it to myself.... I did enjoy the series mind!

[James]

Ondrej wrote: "I'd go with the WoT crowd, especially now, being halfway through book 8. Nynaeve but pretty much any female character (bam, and I'm suddenly a woman-beater!) for all their useless-males-especially-..."

Completely agree about the WoT characters. I've never seen a list of people who have their heads so far up their asses as the Aes Sedai. They are worse than the Sisters of the Light from SoT. Aside from the ones mentioned, Cadsuane is especially a ridiculous character. I love how she is obsessed with teaching Rand manners yet is outrageously rude to everyone. The only female channeler who is even remotely tolerable to me is Alivia.

[[deleted user]]

James wrote: "Ondrej wrote: "I'd go with the WoT crowd, especially now, being halfway through book 8. Nynaeve but pretty much any female character (bam, and I'm suddenly a woman-beater!) for all their useless-ma..."

Moiraine by the end of Fires of Heaven became really reasonable.

[James]

Evgeny wrote: "James wrote: "Ondrej wrote: "I'd go with the WoT crowd, especially now, being halfway through book 8. Nynaeve but pretty much any female character (bam, and I'm suddenly a woman-beater!) for all th..."

That's only because Rand forced her into just an advisory role. And it's funny that after she becomes reasonable in Fires of Heaven, (view spoiler)[she also "dies" by the end of it. (hide spoiler)]

[Benjamin]

Arlen from the Demon Cycle series. Constantly in state of utter depression. (I dont deserve to live!). Never found Rand from WoT series whiny.

[Greg]

I think we've all wanted to slap just about every WoT character at least once.

Can you think of any you didn't want to? Maybe Uno.

[Cheryl]

Kip from The Black Prism. He was such a mess throughout the whole book, and I didn't like him very much at all.

[A.J.]

Joffrey from game of thrones. I would pay the director to make another scene where Tyrion slaps Joffrey

[Paul]

Thomas Covenant.

Mind you, I love the series, but especially in the early books the protagonist is pretty awful.

[Kimberly]

I was horrified by Eddard Stark's lack of sense, but I think the characterization was good. All the way through A Game of Thrones Martin makes clear that Eddard has no mind for politics. That said, I'd slap all the Lannisters except Tomen, Marcella and Tyrion. Cersei needs slapping senseless, then Arryn would still be hand and Ned could keep on populating the north.

[Lilyan]

Hahahahahahhaha! So much angst towards the WOT guys. They don't have mobile phones, if they did, trust me their communication skills would've been so much better. Kvothe definitely needs a slap for his misplaced arrogance. and yes Vin and Elend too. and if anyone has read crown duel you'd want to slap Mel for being such a stupid female. I want to slap Kahlan and Richard too. her for not telling him earlier about her "condition" and him for the temple of winds stupidity.

[L.G.]

Wheel of Time and a Song of Ice and Fire seem to be the big "winners" here.

[Luke]

WoT annoyed me so much in this department. I wanted to slap just about every single character AND Jordan at least once a piece.

[Merry M]

Dumbledore and Ginny! Joffrey goes without saying. Though I would probably add most of the whiny teenage male protagonists that get themselves into unnecessary trouble because they can't listen to the more knowledgeable people around them. Like Garion (Belgariad), Harry Potter, Darian (Owlflight), Vanyel Ashkevron (the Last Herald-Mage, so whiny in the first book), and Nick Gautier in the Dark Hunter novels/Chronicles of Nick.

[Jefferson]

Is it just me, or do many of these suggestions point out a disturbing fact: that much of what passes for dramatic tension in fantasy is not caused by characters being confronted with exciting challenges, but is instead being caused by characters who are too stupid/self-absorbed/arrogant/preoccupied (pick one) to make use of the resources around them.

I for one can't stand reading about characters who make their own problems. And worse, I think it's bad writing.

Again and again the knife plunged into Dave's arm. Frantically, he searched the room, looking for any way out of this hell, but there was nothing to see save the clock on the wall, ticking out the moments of his anguish. In agony and rapidly losing blood, Dave slumped to the floor. And in that moment, as consciousness finally fled him, he at last knew peace, as his gnarled fist relaxed its grip on the knife handle and he gave up his pointless attack.

That's drama?

[Sandra]

Well, it seems pretty dramatic to me!

[Lee]

Merry wrote: "Dumbledore and Ginny! Joffrey goes without saying. Though I would probably add most of the whiny teenage male protagonists that get themselves into unnecessary trouble because they can't listen to ..."

Yes! I hate Nick! The most whiny character I think I have ever come across.