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Lauren's still confused but going with it
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Lauren
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Jun 27, 2009 03:31PM
OK, so i'm not entirely sure I am doing this right but here is goes. I am going to aim for pages more than word count, I like to write free hand so I can't imagine either trying to keep track while I am going or counting afterward, so I am going to aim for 5 pages a day. I just finished the artist's way and I with that I do three pages of morning pages, so I think this will help me keep that up and add to my progression of making writing an important part of my day... OK that's my goal for now we will see what happens.
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Kenzie wrote: "Welcome to the group, Lauren. Having your goal be pages is just fine. Feel free to do as you please when you're writing. It's your choice. :D"thanks.
*waves* Yay, new member. If you need any help, swing by the Cap'n's Quar'ers. That's my folder. I'm on usually once a day, and I can give advice or redirect you to someone who can.
so far so good, five pages yesterday and five pages today.
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Lauren, you've found your way over! Sorry I wasn't here sooner, but I got lost and wound up in your cellar. Those aren't zombies down there are they? THey look like zombies, but i didn't think zombies slept. I was glad to get the heck out of there. I think one of them winked at me. What is that color on the walls? IT's kind of hard to tell with the lighting in here. How do you focus with that? Got coffee? No? I'm outta here until later.
Have fun, I know I will.
Howdy Lauren!Glad to see another familiar face around. What makes your cubicle here special? Paul's got his castle tower witht a trap door and a dungeon, Uniquily Moi's got roses, Renee's got dead people/zombie prisoners that take your coat when you enter and get fresh now and then. I have a farm, recently saved from a terrible cult by Renee & Paul while I was away...
Just wondering so I know what sort of place you keep around here. :)
*drags in shirtless hunky handyman with his toolbelt slung low over his hips.*There you go, I brought some extra help for you. Miguel, would you mind lifting some of those heavy boards for Lauren? Yes please put them down over there. Ooooh ya. No, no you go ahead and work- I'll supervise until Lauren gets back.
Wendy, where did you find him? I brought Eustace to help. He doesn't move until we're gone, but he loves decorating. Look at Miguel sweat while he lifts that heavy stuff. Ooops, silly me, I dropped my dead guy. Oh Manuel! Could you help me? That's it just bend over and pick him up for me. Now that's what I'm talking about....you have great ideas Wendy. I think I might help you supervise, it's a big job.
I'm all about self sacrifice when it helps someone in need. What's that Miguel baby? you need a drink? Sorry cups are prohibited- safety issues- you understand. Just go over there to that shower and cool off in there. Ni-i-ice.Hey Renee, should we give this guy a raise?
I'll give him a raise all right...oh you meant money. Sorry, I was somewhere else for a minute there. Cool, Lauren gets a shower in here. I need a shower. Miguel, do you mind? Thanks, oh why yes you can wash my back. That's very nice of you. Yep, give this man a raise.
Um I think my headapace just turned into a brothel while I was away not that I'm complaining I just find it ironic.since I was away teaching children
He was fully clothed Lauren! Just a little wet is all. He left his number so you can call him whenever you decide what you want to do with your cubicle. He'll build whatever you want. Treehouses, towers,underwater villas, whatever floats your boat and makes you feel creative. So you were teaching? What do you teach? :)
i'm the regular sub at a dance studio in westminster, ca. i was teaching a lot of ballet on monday.on friday it was ballet, pointe, musical theater, lyrical and tap
saturday was jazz and strength and conditioning
and i don't remember what i have to teach tomorrow, that could be dangerous.
OK, so I still have one more page to write for today, which I fully plan on doing when I go to work in two hours, but I have to tell you all something.i just started going back to college, and am in my first class in like 5 years, and my first math class in oh 10. I am taking college algebra, and it's the only math i will ever have to take even if i go on to get my phd, and i am a super annoying over achiever asian student, my work ethic is annoying, i accept that. so for me this class kills a little bit of my soul everyday because my "professor" yes he deserves the "", lectures on one question per section in each chapter then tests us on the exact question that he lectures on, which by the way is an example question from the book. the first day of class i thought he was joking so i went home and taught myself chapter one, it took me 7 hours to do all of the chapter work, typically required in a class, went in the next day, and he started teaching chapter two in the same manner, turns out he wasn't joking. we had our first test, only four of us got A's, ironically, all four of us were asian. his policy is that if you mess up on the test then you get to fix it. not retake it like a normal class, he gives you back your test and you can literally fix the wrong answers so you can get an A. For me, this is so disrespectful and i feel like we are being insulted, but for other people they love it.
i digress. so yesterday in class he asked if anyone understood the concept and i flexed my wrist to indicate that i understood it and he said, no i don't believe it, you understand this? and i said yes, so he asked me to explain it to the class, so i did, and he said no that's too hard, that's too much work that's the books way. you do it my way it much better. which pissed me off, because how was i supposed to reach into his brain and find some random asinine way of graphing hyperboles that he made up, that he finished teaching and then said no other professor will teach you this method, it's my method. so out of my frustration of being singled out and then ridiculed i dove into my notebook and started creating this character Shelly Jones. The valedictorian of her high school who couldn't wait to get to college only to find herself surrounded by teachers who didn't care or were too lazy to actually teach, and how she goes from this well adjusted person excited about school to a terrorist who decides that it is her mission to save future generations of students from teachers who atrophy their brains. How by stifling development you can create a sociopath.
So I guess one good thing is coming out of my math class?
Did you find a way to torture and kill him in a story? I'd do it. Then i'd bring in his little chapter or two and say, Umm Mr.Asshole, would you read this for me. It's something I'm writing for 'whatever class' and I have a character who is a math teacher. I just want to make sure it's believable.(watch him flush as he is flattered that a boring old math teacher would make it into anything creative. Not that math teachers are all boring, but just go with it for the sake of my vision) and he says sure. Then when he hands it back mumbling something like "good, don't ask me again" and stays away from you and lets you do what you please for the rest of the semester, enjoy your power. Enjoy that he thinks you are messed up, maybe play with him a little, be early for class, follow him to the parking lot, and then laugh all the way home. That's kind of revenge. Well, without the jailtime.
i think it would be in bad taste since he is taiwanese and can't pronounce the word parabola or directrix, and he has something wrong with his leg and walks with a cane, but he is really peppy and always smiling in a moderately creepy fashion. and yeah, his accent is super thick, and i heard that he is in the middle of a lawsuit because he tried to use the same thesis to get two different degrees at two different universities... all of it hurts my heart, and the class is over next thursday thank god.
I had a spanish teacher once that was always slamming my essays and saying that she did it so that I would become better at my English essays. That makes a load of sense doesn't it? Kill the spanish grade so that the english grade (that she has nothing to do with) goes up. She was a wack.Another fun moment was an English teacher in Jr. High that gave me a C on my essay because "next time don't have your parents write it"- AKA it was too good to be believable. SO after my dad wrote a letter saying that I always write alone with no help from them, then I got a B- since "it just wasn't very good." So that makes sense- first it's sooo good that my parents must have done it, then it's too crappy to even get a full B. She was an evil hag from hell. THat I've never forgetten- nearly 2 decades later that moment is still one of the biggest examples I think of for adults being petty and ignorant.
I just finished the artists way and they would say your teacher is a blocked artist and bitter and can't support talent because they are too afraid of going for their dreams so they have to stifle yours
So is blocked artist a code word for weirdo? If so I agree. SHe once wore silky pijamas to school to go with her regular hair style that included little girl barrettes. THankfully she has since moved out of state and good riddence, though I pity the kids who get her next.
Pajamas and barrettes? That is an interesting combination. There is a family here in Tweed, who shall remain nameless although anyone from Tweed reading this will know who it is, who are like extremely backwoods, the gene pool is shallow, i'm talking possibly run dry.The daughter (my age) would go to school (highschool) in costumes every day of the year, a bride, a robot (complete with foil covered box and metallic spray painted face), a bridesmaid, a clown, use your imagination. She had no teeth by graduation, she and her older brother look so much alike it's unnerving. She shaves her head, which probably makes it harder to tell them apart.
she actually married and had a child, the child is exactly the same. She attends my daughter's school and also wears costumes every day, I think I recognized a few of them.
While at home, an old dilapidated shack with rusted cars, garbage and misc. appliances on the grassless front yard, they had no running water or hydro. She now lives with a guy in town, water and everything, though I don't think she uses it. Anyway the father rides into town every day on a tractor that I swear is from like 1940, and he never bathes. The stink that comes off him is unbelievable.
they are like a local legend. Everyone tries to figure them out, but we just can't. It's odd. I won't get into all the oddities, because I may use them in a character yet.
People come to town and see them and they are like "Wow, we really are in the sticks." They even take pictures of them to show them to their city friends.
How's that for wierdo? I got more, we're full of wierd here.
You are right REnee, you win. She only wore silk pijamas, no tinfoil. And I'm pretty sure she bathed.
okay... that's too long for me to read because I'm starving!
Renee ok so now I want there to be this whole story where at home they are these super intellectuals who do all this to understand the struggles our forefathers went through and be like super conscious of the environment and trying to eliminate their carbon footprint
umm..I'm not sure they even know what that is. They do it because that is what they do. It seems to be common around these parts to just be nuts.
Where we bought our terrier(Harley) it was like a scene straight out of Deliverance or something. I was terrified. the father looked like a psycho, the mother was like 15 and the kid, creepy is all I can say. Two rooms in the lower level of the house, dirt floor covering most of it, plywood in the 'kitchen', I don't know about the upstairs, looked like a loft of some kind. Auto parts littering the yard and just crazy shit. Kurt asked when we left if the guy was just the kid's father or the puppies too. That's how wierd it was out there. We live in a small town, I've lived here almost my entire life, I have never seen these people. THey only live a little out of town and she said they've lived there for ten years or so. Just strange.
I have more. Let me think on it. I'm sure there's crazier.
ok, so I have been lazy, or not as productive as I would like with my writing the past two days. i blame the fact that best buy ate my computer, so i have to borrow my roommates, or use the one at my day job, which i haven't been at since wednesday, and i was teaching dance this week, so i was in a totally different creative headspace, and yesterday and today i only did three pages, still not bad, but now i am four pages shy for the week, hopefully i will wake up at a decent hour tomorrow and catch up on my writing. on the plus side, i did the dishes, and took out like five bags of trash, and fixed our "couch". we have a twin bed that i converted into a couch, i covered the box spring in green canvas and the mattress with a tan painters drop cloth, but jeff somehow managed to rip out the stitching on the box spring and the mattress cover, so i fixed that today, and i went grocery shopping and mutilated a watermelon and made bags of frozen fruit for smoothies, i was super productive in a housewife sort of way. i guess that's one way to spend independence day. ok, that's me checking in. i came to a sort of revelation yesterday about my day job however, and how it is the least fulfilling work i have quite possibly ever done, and it steals a little piece of my soul every time i have to drive three hours to work for four, and that it was so much nicer to be teaching again, and making more money and feeling like i am actually doing something of value, that there is a tangible result to me being paid for a service, and getting a kid to do a quad pirouette for the first time, or a leap or a ridiculously hard tap sequence is so much more rewarding than updating an excell sheet.
I'm lucky enough to be able to say I love my jobs - the regular one, where I'm an: IT guru; librarian; shopkeeper; bouncer; creator of learning resources such as reports, presentations, Flash animated learning objects, Moodle courses and videos; exam invigilator; occasional literacy, Maths or IT teacher; proofreader and editor and learning support.Then there are the courses - Certificate of Education (Literacy specialism), Information Literacy (a librarian thing) and the mentoring course.
Then there's my real job - website design, author, scriptwriter, editor, proofreader and film-maker, as well as running workshops online and in person about creative writing and scriptwriting in particular. As well as trying to sell the products, so add some less enjoyable bits - self-promotion, marketing, PR, advertising and the like. But the writing more than makes up for those. And I get to do this full time for 13 weeks of the year, as well as exercise, play tennis, hillwalk, do some physical labour, get a sun tan and lose some weight.
And yes, updating a spreadsheet is almost always boring.
I know I'm not even a formally qualified teacher yet, but I've seen some desperate examples of teaching. I am certainly better than some of those people. At least all my lessons are entertaining.
i am the regular sub at a dance studio, and every time i teach the kids ask when i am coming back and say that they miss me and that they love having me and it makes me want to be there more, but i'm an actress and if i got a job and had to leave for three months i would feel like i was abandoning them, so i don't have regular classes that i teach there because i would feel too guilty leaving them. i have this same guilt at my day job, which is supposed to just be my day job, a job that you don't give a crap about that allows you to pay your bills between gigs, and i think its because i was brought in on a project that was just supposed to be for three months and it turned into a permanent position, and there really is no advancement and the past six months have been so slow with the recession, its just broken my spirits about my job even though i work at a non-profit and i support really important programs, because i am not a part of them and most of my day revolves around waiting for someone to buy a ticket or register in a class or pay rent on a room, its so tedious and unfulfilling and its like the most i can help people is by giving them change for the vending machines, that does not a life make. i am sure there are tons of people in the world who would love to have my job, but i am not one of them. my coworker johnny has been there for 5 years and works 40 hours a week, i only work 20, i could not imagine doing 40 hours a week there for 5 years, when we do get work we fight over who gets to do it because we are so bored. it got a lot worse two weeks ago because we got an email from our boss saying we weren't allowed to read or do homework anymore, which just makes it even more unbearable, because its like great now i have to drive an hour and half through rush hour to get to work to work til 930 to drive an hour home so then i can do my homework before i go to bed so i can get up at 6 to get to school on time. i just got tired thinking about it.i am too responsible and committed for my own good.
I now work at a scone booth and despite the fact that everything we serve is junk food the job is,surprisingly, really healthy. We move around often, since we are sitting in the sun we drink a lot of water and we hardly have time to eat anything when we're hungry but by then work is almost over and or we have made so many scones and churros that we crave anything that isn't fatty and deep fried. We wanted cheese,salad,and fresh fruit at the end of the day. My friend (whose parent own the scone booth) hates macaroni and cheese and yet she wanted it! and I wanted salad which is like crazyand then there's my real job which varies between best-friend-run-away-make-betterer and changing up words so they are in a more respectful way
thats awesome... i think my job is trying to make us diabetic however there is always free pizza and cake, its dangerous.
dang! yeah but I didn't get back until like 12:30 AM
Lauren, it's hard to juggle what you love to do, what is your dream and what you have to do in order to pursue it.I only decided to get serious about writing after quitting the 40-50 hour work week thing. But we still needed money. I love the kids that come here for the daycare, but honestly I'd love to just toss the whole thing. I have little time to write, my house is destroyed, and Kurt and I fight because he's a jerk who doesn't understand I can't watch 6 or more kids, look after the dogs he wanted, clean, cook, and write, and make sure the kids dcn't break something. It's not worth the very little money I'm making.
I think anyone who is trying to move in a direction that is tough to go (writing/acting) and who has to work at something else to pay the bills in the meantime gets depressed and impatient.
I can't imagine doing what you are doing right now. School, work, the dance thing, acting, writing....that's a lot of stuff on your plate. Do you remember to set aside time each week that is just your time? You really need to do that. I do it, although it may not be the same day or time I make sure I get at least a couple of hours by myself. I lock the garage, bring out my coffee or whatever the drink of choice is that day and ignore everything. It's great for my brain to just drift into a story i'm reading or writing.
Personally, after a day at the regular job, even though I love it, I retreat to the pub, spend a couple of hours talking about football, sex, telling and being told jokes, sinking into beery nostalgia with the like minded.Then, brain washed clean, I return to the real job - reading and writing.
I wish I could do that, I'm kind of stuck here though. The kids can't look after themselves, I've tried but it always ends badly.
for me i eat cake... no really i watch ncis, law and order, ramsey's the f word, coupling. i just watch tv and zone out, occasionally we have game night which is awesome, if you haven't played monopoly deal its brilliant, its like really messed up gin rummy. but yes, i totally feel like i need a vacation from my life. its been incredibly stressful since jeff lost his job in january and i was told i was being laid off from my money making job in february. i am still waiting to be laid off, and in the meantime have lost 5000 dollars in unemployment that i could have collected between feb. and now, and with a 2000 dollar a month mortgage that would be nice to have. it's just hard trying to live in this economy with a new mortgage, but you have to just roll with the punches i guess. jeff thinks i'm brilliant, and we kind of live in a state of, well if anyone of importance saw that i was brilliant and bought one of my screenplays we could eat and not be afraid that it would turn off the electricity. i think that is why i am writing so much horror lately, if all of this stress stayed bottled in my brain it would explode in a really unhealthy way, but because i channel it into characters they get to do the heavy lifting, they get to act out sick fantasies and jeff gets to sleep the sound sleep of a man who knows his wife isn't going to lose her mind in the middle of the night because she has no outlet for her frustrations. some people work out, i write. i used to work out, but i am trying to disassociate working out with being pissed off, because then i never do it when things are going well.l
Wise. I just exercise when I'm not having to go out for eight hours a day to earn a living. So that's this 9 weeks, with a couple more at Christmas and again at Easter.
I totally get the stress thing Lauren. We are fortunate that Kurt's job is as secure as it can be, although things happen. But while his analness drives me to distraction and nearly got him strangled this weekend, it also set us up for hard times. He sets money away for a rainy day, we could really use that money and do without because he's so anal about putting it aside no matter what, but I guess that's a good thing. He's a saver and I'm a spender. My credit is terrible because i'm so impulsive. No money? Oh here i have a card. maxed out? Oh here, there's another one, just got it last week. I stopped that but I still hear about it and will until one of us dies. I'm not saying who.
I seriously considered putting a hold on this dream of being published this weekend. I was thinking of scrapping the daycare and going back to work full time just so I'd get some respect around here and feel like a contributing member of this family instead of a leech. But then, I got really mad and decided that I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. I can't wait until the day I get one of my books and I can shove it right up his - well you get my point.
You're lucky that your husband supports you so much. Kurt wants to, he believes I'm going somewhere with this, but he won't read anything. So he really has no idea what I'm able to write. It's hard to support something when you have no idea whether it's good or not.
Okay, I'm done for today, no more bitching. Your story about you and your husband sticking it out and being there for each other made me mad at mine again. I'm over it, I won't kill him - today.
well, here is a secret about our marriage that is going to confuse and piss some people off. my husband is gay. we call is gay marriage 1.0. we have been best friends since the 6th grade and have known each other for 15 years, we drive each other crazy because we know each other so well. obviously sex is not a part of our relationship with each other and we date other people, some more than others, i have been essentially celibate since september of last year. which is a whole other can of worms. we got married for all of the practical reasons, we love each other, but he is like my brother, and we do plan on having kids. i am the saver and he is the spender which drives me crazy, but that's a story for another day, as the artistic one, i should be the impulsive frivolous one, but i am generally the serious and grounded one. he finds it antithetical, but he also has add. he wants to be a producer and produce my works, but right now he doesn't have the experience or knowledge to do so. it's a long road but we are going down it. yeah, i'm either fearless or crazy.
I say fearless and crazy. That is interesting, your marriage, I think if you are happy with that, then great. You both must be very strong people to be able to stand against the criticism I'm sure you recieve. I think that to be with someone you love who only makes you stronger and better, then go for it. I can't imagine it, I'm not quite that open minded, I'm very possessive of what I see as 'mine' so I could never do what you have.
thanks?my asian grandmother's response to our marriage was, well i figured you would end up marrying one anyway you seem to attract them, at least you know he's gay going into it.
She sounds like a very interesting woman. At least she didn't freak out. Do many of your friends and family know? I hope they do cause if they ever venture over to this site, or if you become famous and one of us slips and sells this story to a tabloid - watch out. Not that i'd do it, I'd try to extort money from you first. Of course if you refused to pay, the gloves are off.
Pretty much everyone who matters knows and most of them are cool about it I think when people realize that we wouldn't be property owners and we wouldn't have most of the things we have if we weren't married I think it helps people to understand it also was our own little silent protest about gay marriage and domestic partner laws because originally we were going to register for domestic partnership but they wouldn't recognize it for a year where as if we got married the next day it was legally recognized
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