This is not The Haters Club You're Looking For discussion

Redundant Fucker

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message 1: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments It's bad enough that when you come to my cubicle you have to knock on the wall even though I can see you standing right there in front of me. I know you're there, asshole. My vision works just fine. But to say "Knock Knock!" at the same time is just asking for a 3-hole-punch to the temple.

message 2: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Ah Gretchen, you're such a kindred spirit. I swear, if you weren't so old............

message 3: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Kidding, kidding. I'm class of '93.

message 4: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments HOLY CRAP! You're younger than me too?? What the hell is going on around here? I really AM old.
I still feel so young, though.

message 5: by Kasia (last edited Jun 20, 2009 11:01AM) (new)

Kasia Lovely, Gretchen.

And I'm pretty sure that most of the people who work with you have no clue how dark, twisted and violent your thoughts are. Otherwise nobody would say "knock, knock" and you would have been left to enjoy your own peace and quiet.

Servius  Heiner Nice theory, Kasia, but here in America that is just encouragement to see who can make you snap first. The trick is to push someone to the brink and then bugger off leaving the primed disgruntled employee for the next sad sap.

**I think it was in 96' or 98' the number one cause of workplace death in the states was disgruntled employees.

message 7: by smetchie (last edited Jun 19, 2009 12:08PM) (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments No advice as to how to retaliate? This is your JOB, people. You're supposed to guide me.
I only know how to use the direct approach to problems like this and I'm not actually going to hit him in the head with my 3-hole-punch because that's going to be frowned upon by management. (but oh would it leave a nice mark. It's quite the large and heavy duty version which requires 2 hands to pick up.)

I've always wondered if I could decapitate someone with a paper cutter. I don't think it would work unless the person was really really small like maybe the size of a groundhog.

message 8: by Matthieu (new)

Matthieu What Kasia said.

message 9: by Servius Heiner (last edited Jun 19, 2009 12:18PM) (new)

Servius  Heiner Advice is what yer after? ::cracks knuckles::

The next time he comes to your cubical and says 'knock-knock' wail knocking I think you should recipicate the gesture.

Gretchen" I'm going to start talking to you now."
"what can I do for you insert the offender here?"

message 10: by Kasia (new)

Kasia Retaliation?

-> Microwave some really smelly food - shrimp, fish work great

-> Try clipping fingernails, make sure the asshole hears the clicking sound, and even better have a few nail clippings fly in his direction.

-> Start forwarding him bunch of crappy-cutesy junk emails from friends (you know what I'm talking about...)

message 11: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments This really is a sticky wicket... First, I think you should chop off his groundhog in that papercutter, because we definitely don't need him giving us a new generation of "knock knockers".

I hopped online to help you with your predicament. I didn't find anything of sxuper good use, but I did see something that encouraged one to end all sentences with "according to the prophecy".

I recommend an opened tuna can stashed somewhere in his own cubicle. Perhaps taped to the underside of his desk? Gross.

Good things will come of that, according to the prophecy.

message 12: by Kasia (new)

Kasia Yum tuna!

message 13: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I LOVE KRISTINA!

message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

Do you know I know her from real life? Are you jealous?

message 15: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments yes and yes.

message 16: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) "The service entrance is on the other side of the building?"

message 17: by smetchie (last edited Jun 19, 2009 08:57PM) (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Yeah. or "who is it?" as I look right at them.

But these "acceptable" forms of retaliation only make the dipshit think we're engaged in some sort of amusing workplace banter.

I wonder if I could somehow rig my cube wall to slightly electrocute the offender. Just slightly. Enough to make him go "what the?!?" I could look up all innocent like. I think that would work but I have no skills with electricity.

message 18: by Kasia (new)

Kasia You can try what I did last time: drop his laptop adapter to the ground, while it's still plugged into the socket, ideally the plastic cover will fall of and you'd be able to see all the wires and shit. Then have the sucker grab it, just like that. The electric shock is not going to be a pleasant experience for him, but he'll survive it.

message 19: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments that sounds elaborate. I want to electrify my whole cube so any dick who knocks on it gets a little knock back.


message 20: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Rubber cement? Spread it on any area likely to be knocked upon. "Yeah, i had a cold and ran out of tissues" isn't as satisfying as electrocution, but there's less risk of of liability. As an added bonus, people will eventually decide that you're sick and disgusting, and avoid you as much as possible.

message 21: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Tom, that's beautiful. Thank you.

message 22: by Matthieu (new)

Matthieu Well done, Tom.

message 23: by Dave (new)

Dave Russell Her you go, Gretchen:

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message 24: by smetchie (last edited Jun 22, 2009 10:40AM) (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Like many an onion article, I wish this were real.

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