Is There Anything Wrong With Preferring A Person Of Another Race Over A Person of Your Own Race?

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

I had a discussion with my friend about this on Saturday. She has finally come to the conclusion that she is open to dating interracially. Sadly in her mind, she'll take a White guy if she can't find a White guy. She doesn't seem to be that attracted to White men. I can't identify because I have always found men of various races attractive. So despite her decision that she will consider dating or marrying a White guy, she still has issues with Black men with White women. I expressed my belief that some Black men simply are more attracted to White women. For example, some people like blonds. I love dark hair and black hair. I also love red hair. I am not that into blond men but I do have more actors that I think are attractive that are blond than I used to. I'll see a blond guy and think, he's cute. But that is not my preference. She reluctantly conceded that this was possible, but her belief is that most date White women as a status symbol. In my belief, some of the time this is true, but I can believe that there is a reason that a person can be attracted to a person of another race that has nothing to do with self-hatred. I use myself as an example. I find Asian men beautiful. I always have. Does this mean I want to be Asian and hate being Black? Absolutely not. I appreciate your thoughts.

And please don't consider this a confrontation on why anyone is dating interracially. I really want to know what you think about it.

[Arch , Mod]

I don't have anything against black men, but I have always been attracted to white men and yes, I am proud to be a black woman. I don't wish that I was white.

[Frances]

My exact feeling. Very good!

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

For me it's about me living my life and not worrying about other's lives. Personally I don't care who another person marries or dates as long as they are of consenting age. I smile at all the interracial couples to give my support.

[Debbie]

I don't think there is anything wrong with it all. I think there is someone for everyone. And you can't choose you are attracted to, that's just the way it is. As long as the person is good to you, then that's all that's important.

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

I totally agree Debbie. We all have programming inside us that attracts us to different people. I don't think there is one equation or explanation to describe it. I watch the science of attraction shows and it's very interesting, but they still don't have it all locked down.

[new_user]

Offhand, I would say I don't really believe in judging anyone based on race. That would include a prospective SO. That said, I don't judge people or force my opinion on them. In the end, it's a small thing and at the discretion of the individual.

[Justine]

i saw love who you love and who loves you. i will say once again. love is hard enough to find. when you do happen to find it. go with it!

my 28 year old sister is getting married to a white guy this july. And I've already picked the name for the children.

my cousin who is about to hit 40 this year is still waiting for her black man to show. go figure!!

some black women piss me to hell off!!!!!!!!!!1

[The FountainPenDiva, Old school geek chick and lover of teddy bears]

Gatadelafuente (Danielle) wrote: "I had a discussion with my friend about this on Saturday. She has finally come to the conclusion that she is open to dating interracially. Sadly in her mind, she'll take a White guy if she can't fi..."

I make no apologies for being attracted to MEN period, regardless of color. In this day and age, love is a precious commodity and when one is blessed enough to find it, why quibble over something as trivial as color?

I'm not shy in stating that my standards are high and few men of any color, can meet them. Luckily I've met one who does and we've been a part of each other's lives for eight years. I wouldn't waste my life with someone who doesn't share my interests. Unfortunately, there are few black men who are into the same things as I, and I can't for the life of me imagine sitting around and waiting for one.

I love being black. I really do. I love the strength and the intelligence and the resilience and the artistry and the beauty which runs through my veins. I don't hate black men. I love black men and not just the ones in my family. What I dislike are little boys playing at being men and treating black women like trash. But I also know that some black women allow this to happen for the sake of having a black man, even if she knows she's sharing him with other women. I feel for my sisters who are caught up in the patriarchal brainwash to the point where they do not value themselves highly and see their true worth.

Black women are weighted down by ghosts--ironically the same ghosts that should haunt black men but for some reason seem not to factor when they choose a woman out of their race, especially a white woman. We need never forget history, but we shouldn't continue to be shackled by it either.

Interestingly enough, the insecure black guys are the ones who perpetuate the brainwashing because they know if black women decided enough was enough and started seeking mates from other races, that would mean they'd have to COMPETE, and they'd rather not.

The thing is this: We're GROWN. We don't or shouldn't have to explain ourselves to anyone. You love who you love and that's pretty much all there is to it. Doesn't make you a traitor or hating your own race--it just makes you HUMAN.

*The Vixenne steps off her soapbox now*

[Debbie]

Oh, I love my soapbox so don't apologize for getting on yours hon. LOL. I think a lot of men regardless of color are little boys playing at being men. And a lot of women regardless of color let men treat them wrong because they don't have the courage to see that they deserve better than that.

[Yolonda]

People just have to realize that you won't please everyone so just work on pleasing yourself. I've met the opinionated stranger on occasion. One black guy was so bold he tried to talk to me while my future ex-husband stood next to me. As if he was of little consequence. I had to draw my husband away before he ended up in jail.

As far as family...
My son, Shaun, has met his paternal grandparents ONCE in his 16 yrs of life. My ex-husband's mother is a nice lady, but her husband is prejudiced, so she doesn't rock the boat too much. She sends gifts and calls him on occasion, but he doesn't deal with them that often. My ex's brother adores Shaun, but he lives several states away and doesn't get to see him. My family adores Shaun and they're used to my quirks. I get teased about liking white guys, but it's all good. No one in my family has ever been malicious about it.

[Caylah]

I love white man.. point blank.. i never met one that completely did it for me.. one that i could fall in love with.. But i love them.. and if i could have met an alpha male like the ones we read about.. well i might have married that way... unfortunately for all those unmet Alpha-hotties out there.. my hot B/M hubby found me first! *giggles*

[Arch , Mod]

I honestly don't believe, because a person is one race that he or she has to be attracted to his or her own race.

I honestly believe you can be black and be attractive to white and there's nothing wrong with that.

[Caylah]

Here here.. nothing wrong with Interracial dating.. shoot.. all my cousins.. and i mean 95-98% of them are married to either white males or females.. *shrugs* I can tell you when i married someone black .. everyone was happy.. but i didn't marry him cause he was black.. i married him cause i love him.. and we discussed it already that when we have kids.. i don't care who they date.. My father.. a mixed but BM cant stand black people and wished me to marry a white man.. well he loves my hubby.. (probably cause he is light skinned) but he loves him non the less.. lol I think its funny..

But i have a thing for WM.. still.. different culture different treatment and i like their skin color and their bodies.. aint nothing wrong with it.. at the end of the day.. they are still men.. no mater what race.. they are all human.. well mosst of them.. lol

[Sharon]

I wish more black women where open to dating men of other races.
Why must the cow be with the bull? Ms Cow go with the chicken...or not!!!
Why must the ewe be with the ram? Ms Ewe go with the bull if you want to....wait that is not such a good example either..eeek!!

If you find black men more attractive than other races..well go for it
But don't sit down knitting your panties waiting for a black man and cutting your eye when a man of another race smiles at you. Smile back and once you have found out he isn't crazy or diseased get on with it!!

I remember when I lived in Canada a white guy kept looking over and finally he came up to me and said hi and that he was afraid to say anything to me because he thought I was African American and the last time he said hello he basically was told off!!
I said are you serious? I found that hard to believe. I didnt think people reacted like that.

I would say to ladies open your eyes if the man treats you well doesn't matter what colour he is

I am all over the place with this post but oh well lol

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

It's funny. I've never felt guilty about being attracted to men of other races. I know that some family members chastise people for that. My mom loves all kinds of guys although she married a Black man,so it was never wrong. My first crush was on David Soul on Starsky and Hutch. I was like 3 or 4 and I knew I wanted to marry him. I grew up watching PBS and British shows, so being an anglophile is part of who I am. I loved Doctor Who, a White man (so far), so that is just part of my wiring. But I also find Black men attractive. All races of men appeal to me. My friend really kind of saddened me with her whole, I guess I'll marry a White guy if I have to stuff. That's not really fair to that White guy who could be a genuinely nice, attracted man who is being chosen because my friend is willing to settle.

I talked to her and she has only been attracted to one White guy, Matt Damon. I just couldn't relate. I have a very long list of White guys that I find cute. I was sitting in the plane today next a very cute White guy. He was reading The Once and Future King. I told him I was interested in reading it. He asked me what I was reading. I'm reading Bedded by the Warrior by Denise Lynn, so I said a medieval romance. He laughed and called it girl porn. I said nah, not this book, but some of it is. Anyhoo, he was pretty cute.

[new_user]

To be honest, my thinking is that you probably don't want to be with a man who can't even work up the courage just to talk to you, whatever his race. Fear of rejection is perfectly natural, but giving into it and then rationalizing it as "well, I thought a black man was going to hurt me" (which, let's face it, is more than a little ignorant, even if it's coming from a guy interested in you) is a little weak. Maybe you're better off.

At least it was an interesting flight, right, Danielle? ;)

[Victoria]

Gatadelafuente (Danielle) wrote: "I had a discussion with my friend about this on Saturday. She has finally come to the conclusion that she is open to dating interracially. Sadly in her mind, she'll take a White guy if she can't fi..."

I've been attracted to white men for a long time. I tried dating black men to keep the peace and things just never seemed to work out for me. 5 years ago, I started dating white man and I'm glad that I did.

I get a lot of flack from people because I date interracially. They bring up issues of prejudice and yes slavery. That's a dark part of our nation's history and it has nothing to do who I date. Some white women are shocked that a white man would seriously consider me for a wife. Let's face it, I'm not the American standard of beauty.My lips are full, my hair is kinky and my bottom is big. How could a white man find me attractive.I've been told that I don't look like the type who would date a white man. Now what did that mean???
I've been told that white men will take you for his sexual fantasy but he will never marry you. BULL!!!

I am a black woman who just happens to love white men. I will never apologize for that!If I want to sit around and wait for my black prince to come, I'll have a long lonely wait. Why should I limit my options. My goal is to find a man who will love me unconditionally and completely and if he happens to be a white man, well I guess they will have to get over it.

[Arch , Mod]

I hate when black people use prejudice and slavery as a tool to say that black shouldn't be with whites.

If they really learn about prejudice, they would see that many blacks are prejudice against blacks and as far as slavery. Blacks had slaves too.Yet, many blacks want to close their eyes to this truth.

[LaVerne]

The truth is as a woman whose racial makeup is pretty much a hodgepodge of peoples, I never thought to limit myself to one race in a mate. How stupid is that. I personally was more interested in love. And my children are free to choice where their hearts lead.

[Yolonda]

I think it's a cop-out when a man uses the excuse of a stereotype of black women sitting at home with clenched black power fists raised in the air waiting for the perfect black man. I like a man who is confident enough in himself to talk to me even if nothing comes of it. A man can get rejected by a white woman just as quickly as he can a black one.

[new_user]

Eugenia, c'mon. The guy's assuming that some black guy will jump him if he tries to date a black woman. Just reverse that scenario. No one would make that case for a white man. I think he's the one being insulting -or at best, ignorant- assuming everyone and their mother is violent.

[Sharon]

Loni wrote: "I think it's a cop-out when a man uses the excuse of a stereotype of black women sitting at home with clenched black power fists raised in the air waiting for the perfect black man. I like a man wh..."

I am not sure which post you are referring to but this guy told me he said hi, how are you doing? just the basics and right off she gave him lots of attitude.
I think he was in US when that happened I am not too sure and I cannot remember if he was American or Canadian

[Yolonda]

Sharon wrote: "Loni wrote: "I think it's a cop-out when a man uses the excuse of a stereotype of black women sitting at home with clenched black power fists raised in the air waiting for the perfect black man. I ..."

Understandable...but he should realize that is one person. If a white man walks up to a white woman and she gives him attitude, will he then be scared to talk to other white women? Somehow I doubt that would stop him...so why let one black woman with attitude stop you from meeting other fabulous sistas. That's all I'm saying.

One thing I can say about my white ex-husband, he's not shy and he's very persistent. That man was in a large group of black men and chased me down as I walked passed them. He could care less what they thought and wasn't bothered in the least about my skepticism. We were married nine months later....(what can I say, we were young and horny) ;)

[Caylah]

>LOL@ young and horny

[Caylah]

Eugenia wrote: "I'd love if everybody was persistent and super confident. I was just trying to understand where he came from and see things from his perspective. I don't think that's a bad thing. I laughed at some..."

So True...

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

new_user wrote: "To be honest, my thinking is that you probably don't want to be with a man who can't even work up the courage just to talk to you, whatever his race. Fear of rejection is perfectly natural, but giv..."

We didn't talk the whole time, but he did initiate the conversation. It was a nice surprise. :)

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

Eugenia wrote: "Gatadelafuente (Danielle) wrote: "It's funny. I've never felt guilty about being attracted to men of other races. I know that some family members chastise people for that. My mom loves all kinds o..."

Eugenia, it was tempting. He lives in San Francisco. I love SF. No, it was just a pleasant moment. Those are always nice.

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

Eugenia wrote: "new_user wrote: "To be honest, my thinking is that you probably don't want to be with a man who can't even work up the courage just to talk to you, whatever his race. Fear of rejection is perfectly..."

Maybe we need to get shirts printed that say, "Yes I date White men." J/K.

[Yolonda]

That's funny Danielle. You can always put "Swirlicious". Than again men can be obtuse.

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

Eugenia wrote: "I'm serious as a heart attack if I could wear a t-shirt that would shock people out of their dating complacency, a ton of people are sitting around waiting to be part of a matching set when they ar..."

Okay If someone else wears one, I'd wear it. We could have a special day we all wear our shirts. :)

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

Loni wrote: "That's funny Danielle. You can always put "Swirlicious". Than again men can be obtuse."

Maybe It could say swirlicious on one side and define it on the other, adj: meaning "I date White men."

[Debbie]

LOL

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

I might add and Asian men for mine. :)

[Sharon]

What would the married ladies wear? nothing?? lol

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

Well, if you're husband is White, your shirt could say, "In case your wondering if I date White men, my husband is standing right next to next to me."

[Yolonda]

Sharon wrote: "What would the married ladies wear? nothing?? lol"

How about, "Lover of all flavors"?

[Yolonda]

Eugenia wrote: "Sharon wrote: "What would the married ladies wear? nothing?? lol" Sharon you can do it as long as your husband don't mind. Maybe I'm married to a white man.
Danielle, I say make one for each race..."

Too funny...if you do that we need pictures!

[new_user]

LOL, Loni, that's a good one! Equal Opportunity Dater, LOL.

[Debbie]

Divorced women?

[Debbie]

I used to say that the first time I married for love. The second time I'll marry for money. No, I'll marry for love the second time too. For the Love Of Money!. Maybe I should have a shirt with that on it made.............Ok, that was really bad of me. I'm shutting up now.

[Sharon]

Lol you guys are funny,do we pick a day to wear them?


My husband is white...well that is what he told me lol just kidding!!

[Arch , Mod]

LOL Sharon.

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

I have no graphic design abilities, but someone on this group might. Get cracking on the t-shirt idea!

[Jeffrey]

Why should there be anything wrong with it?

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

Eugenia wrote: "I am gonna investigate this, I got time during the day. I can investigate it. If you ladies are down, I'm down. I say let's be direct, at least let them say "I date interracially" "I marry interrac..."


Me too, Eugenia.

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

Jamie wrote: "Why should there be anything wrong with it?"

I don't think anything's wrong with it, myself, Jamie. I just wanted to hear people's thoughts on it.

[Davina]

Well, I'm white and my husband is white, but if I should divorce (God forbid though) I'd definitely date interracially, particularly black men. I think black men are beautiful.

[Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors]

Yes, I do think Black men are beautiful. I think men of all shades are beautiful. I hope you never get the chance to date interracially because I hope your marriage lasts, Davina. A good marriage is such a blessing.

BTW our man Idris is on the cover of Essence. I almost bought it, just for him. :)

[Davina]

Danielle, I agree. I admire men from all races. I love all of them. They are certainly creatures of great beauty.

We almost divorced once. My husband and I got married quite young and had our children quite young too. Things weren't always the best, but where we are now -pretty darn close to paradise. lol Ok so maybe I'm exaggerating a little!

Anyway, really? Idris on Essence? Darn it! Just when I'm not in the country to get my Idris fix. God, that man is gorgeous. I love him! lol