all things supernatural discussion
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message 1751:
by
Sophie *Ninja Rapunzel*
(new)
Jul 28, 2009 08:02PM
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heres my review
Okay, so here’s my review of Miriam’s book, the untitled book. it’s a little harsh, and I’m sorry about that but here it is. Miriam I see a lot of potential in your writing, but u keep it to simple, no twists, no getting to know the characters. You’re a fantastic writer, and you should continue that story, but u need to make it unique. What’s so different about the characters? When I read your book, it should make me not want to stop, you need to add some details, and some twists. U need to stretch it out.
Plot: 25/50
I don’t see any plot, I know the suddenly fall in love, but shouldn’t you space it out more, they meet and then they date. The end?
Description: 30/40
the description that u put all in all was great but you could have added more
For example: He walked her to her class, which was chemistry.
He walked her to her class, with a little hop in his step, when he approached the class it happened to be chemistry, go figure.
Add a little more, or over exaggerate, make it unique , make it your own.
Character Development: 20/40
I didn’t know your characters that well, there wasn’t a lot of change to them, they fell in love so quickly, that u didn’t really tell me much about the character.
Twists & Effect: 10/40
there was no twist until the last sentence.
It was a night they would never forget. Or is it?
There was really no other twists.
Dialogue & Emotion: 10/35
I saw a little dialogue. And there was very little emotion. your characters don’t react to each others emotion.
Mechanics:34 /35
the grammar and spelling is almost flawless , and so is the flow of your sentences.
It is really good.
Originality: 5/10
I’ve read so many love storys that are love at first sight and you need to make yours unique show people its different, make them want to read your story.
Overall Score: 139/250
Notes: keep it up girly
thats not that bad ! someone obviousily needed to tell her the truth...don't worry its was just constructive criticism.
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yeahhh but you told them in a nice wayyy, plus you told her what she could do to fix itt. im sure she'll understand.
Jesika =) wrote: "yeahhh but you told them in a nice wayyy, plus you told her what she could do to fix itt. im sure she'll understand."i agree! =]
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ok, i have like no idea what's going on:)
rebecka thinks she wrote a mean review...
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lol. Nah it's okay. wat did you write?
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Ashara wrote: "lol. Nah it's okay. wat did you write?"look up.....to the long comment......
cool. Same here. I'm like up to the 12th chapter.
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Rebecka wrote: "it was by someone named Miriamheres my review
Okay, so here’s my review of Miriam’s book, the untitled book. it’s a little harsh, and I’m sorry about that but here it is. Miriam I see a lot of..."
i have a strange feeling mine is gonna be like that.....mayb worse since you know me...;)
no way is that mean! You were just telling he rwhat you thought and what you thought, as a reader yourself, should change and stay the same. and you said very nicely too. don't fret:)
Ashara wrote: "no way is that mean! You were just telling he rwhat you thought and what you thought, as a reader yourself, should change and stay the same. and you said very nicely too. don't fret:)"who u talkin bout???
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haha....i love that name anyways...i am gonna name my first son that...i wanted to name my soon to be baby brother that........HE IS COMIN AUGUST 10TH!!!!!!
cool. tehehe, that's near when Blood Promis in Australia comes out.
your in Australia too?!?! damn!!! everyone lives there...haha
lol/ me and my friend have been waiting for ever to get it.
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Rebecka wrote: "yeahh ever1 lives there while me and aj r stuck in the little town of bakersfield =))"i kno....
:), ok, um, sorry, but i have no idea where that is.
california (USA)
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me tree me tree
oh, kk. ino it's late but i just got VA4 1st chapter. lol.
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Rebecka wrote: "really i read it the morning it was posted"book-aholic
has the book already come out in America yet?
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