Quiet
discussion
Live Video Chat with Susan Cain
No question, just wanting to say how much I enjoyed reading this book. My husband, the extrovert, enjoyed it as well. I know these people and am sick of hearing that introverts need to be.... The loud are taking over!! Yipes! Look what a mess they are making :)
I'm an 'innie' and it was an absolute relief to read the book last year. I feel much more accepting of my preferences but at the same time recognise the need to push myself out of my comfort zone a little. My question is about job interviews. I recently failed an interview because I came across as too much of an innie. What are some techniques I can use to act more like an extrovert when I need to?
I am curious what you think about the Big 5 personality dimensions. This theory seems to assert that being extroverted is better than being introverted. This was implied quite clearly by at least 2 of the teachers in psychology courses I took last year. I was actually kind of shocked since I have come more and more to appreciate my introversion and do not see it as anything wrong with me, just my way of being. I felt like giving these teachers a copy of your book! Thank you for writing a book that celebrates introversion rather than pathologizing it.
I am a health coach and specialize in working with women with fibromyalgia. I also lead a support community for people with fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and chronic pain. In reading your book, I was fascinated with the idea that introverts are over stimulated by the world around them. A common symptom of fibromyalgia & chronic fatigue is being easily overwhelmed by lights, sounds, fragrances, etc. It left me wondering if there was a connection with introversion and these chronic illnesses... whether being an introvert increased the likelihood of developing these conditions, or simply that when you have them you're more likely to become an introvert. I'd love to know your thoughts on this - and if you know of any studies being done in this area.
I have no questions, I just wanted to say how much I loved your book. I am in high school, and normally I stick to my genre of YA fiction, but when I saw this book on goodreads, I knew I had to read it. I have always been one of the quieter people in my group of friends, and lately have been trying to talk myself into being more outgoing. This book has proven to me that no, I don't need to change myself, and I didn't know beforehand how much society has influenced the extrovert ideal, etc. I am really glad this book exists, so thank you for writing it!
Truly loved the book and the writing style. I enjoyed the book for it's practical suggestions for making introversion measurable and also for how to live and work with introversion from acceptance and freedom. Thank you. My question is "Since writing the book, have there been other advances in neuroscience or psychology giving tangible means of being effective either as an introvert or extrovert?
Q: 0 minutes ago Truly loved the book and the writing style. I enjoyed the book for it's practical suggestions for making introversion measurable and also for how to live and work with introversion from acceptance and freedom. Thank you. My question is "Since writing the book, have there been other advances in neuroscience or psychology giving tangible means of being effective either as an introvert or extrovert?
I would love to attend, but 2pm on a Wednesday is not a good time. Will the chat be taped, so it can be viewed/listeneed at a later time?
Susan, have you been able to get educators involved in the Quiet movement? What other ways will you try to get parents and others to support introverts?
The book is named aptly. We're generally quiet in a world that can't stop talking. Some of us get repelled when we hear people talk too much. And as you said, they generally take the team off the proverbial cliff. How does an introvert put forth her/his view point and get the team to accept it?
I really loved this book. I confess I started evangelizing about it. I hope this isn't your last book. Do you have others in the works?
Loved the book and have given it as gifts and recommended it to many many friends. I missed seeing you at your talk in Grand Rapids, MI recently so look forward to the video chat.
q- On page 146, you cite David Sloan Wilson's notion of fast and slow animals. He refers to the fast ones as "bullies" who are particularly reward sensitive. Do you see any correlations between extroversion and bullying in humans?
Dear Susan Cain, When I first read your book i unaffically diagnosed myself a closet introvert. For years i have forced myself to oversome social situations, attempting to 'fit in' to what i thought was the norm and wondering why i would feel exhausted after spending hours with friends. Thank you for opening my eyes to the way of the introvert and that it is not something to be ashamed off! Love from the U.K
Q: Do you have any advice for shy and/or introverted students who are graded in class discussions?
Q: how can I encourage my daughter, who is going to 7th grade next year after spending a year homeschooling? She LOVES to be by herself in her room and read, and I know that long days at school make her feel nervous.
Q: I very the book a lot, specially could related to several examples. I had a query regarding some of the conclusions in Chapter 3 with respect to work environment and discussion on collaborations in academic environment. Page 89 concluded that professors collaborating from different physical locations tend to produce more influential research. However, there are numerous examples where physical proximity based collaboration was essential for influential research. Bell labs being a towering example. The details were recently chronicles in a book titled "The Idea Factory". The book cited several innovations which were possible because researchers were able to discuss with each other on a regular basis. It would be great if you could discuss on some of these issues.
In my view the take home message is that we all have this capacity to have different modes even if our personalities would be more at ease with - say - being introverted. I think it's hardly ever black and white. The "cause" for shyness for example can't always be explained by introverted personality type. It may be "just" a trauma that the person in question has learned to internalize for some reason. And it would probably be healthy to try to learn out of it. As for myself I nowadays just simply call myself an extroverted introvert. Which I hope comes out as a code word for my friends to leave me alone for good many days every year without me needing to ask for it. :)
Oh yeah, and thank you Susan for taking five years out of your time for nailing that sucker down. Kudos!
Great book. My question is, what do you think of the trend to put software engineers in open floors. I personally become an engineer, because I like solving problems NOT because I wanted to be social (but that was not my focus choosing profession). Most of my peers at school and work (90%?) chose the profession because we feel more fulfilled solving problems than socializing. On forcing engineers to open floors, companies are 1) negating our personalities 2) putting us in an environment very uncomfortable for us (and wonder why we don't like it) 3) Forcing us to say we like it (or the highway) 4) Expecting all spectrum of personalities to fit into one standard environment. What do you think?
I loved reading this book, and it helped me realized I can be comfortable and confident in my nature, although it often sounds easier said than done! My question is about being an introvert in an office that values extroverted qualities. Recently, I had my annual Human Resources evaluation and my supervisor rated me "down" on communication skills and interpersonal skills because my "internal processing can negatively impact professional relationships." Do you have any tips for having an open discussion with my supervisor or for acting more extroverted when necessary in the office?
q Can introverted leaders be as effective as extroverted?
q 11:06 Pacific I am having technical trouble? Has the video chat started?
Q: I will actually be at work during the chat, which I really regret. Thank you so much for writing this book. I came away feeling like I didn't have to apologize for myself, and like I better knew how to utilize my strengths. There are so many moments now where I realize my strengths are being downplayed as negatives by others. I was recently told at work that I come off as reserved, "all I bring" is knowledge and production. Oy. My question is :Was it difficult pitching this book? How did you convince your publisher that there was an audience waiting for this book since introverts seems to be a minority to begin with, and even less visible still since many pass themselves off as extroverts ? Thank you
I cannot join you unfortunately, it's my daughter's graduation, but my good wishes are with you for a successful event! But I do have a question for you, though it only touches on introversion on the periphery. My question is, what aspects of character have served you best to become someone who is so obviously thriving and comfortable in their own skin?
Q: I have been unemployed or underemployed for quite some time now. Notwithstanding the current economy, I blame my being an introvert for a lot of my struggle to find gainful employment. I rarely make it past the first round of interviews. What advice can you offer to introverts who are struggling to get their foot in the door of a career? How can I “shine” during an interview or networking opportunity?
q: I read your book last year and it really helped me, thank you so much. I remember in one section it talked about how introverts often pretend to be extroverts to 'fit in' (I think you called it pseudo-extroversion), and I've realised this is generally how I try to deal with situations where I have to speak in public. Doing this all the time really drains me and since reading your book I realise it might not be the only trick in the bag. I was wondering is it possible to do public speaking in a more introverted way? Did you have any tricks to preparing for your TED Talk? Thanks so much :)
First, I loved the book. It confirmed many things I found in the world and explained why I do some of the things I do. I've known I was introverted for a very long time. I've read some of the other questions, and, while I don't have one, I must say we need to seperate shyness from introversion. I am an introvert. I am not shy. I have no problem with the new, except that it is coming much too fast. I find social situations draining, not frightening. I haven't had much trouble with public speaking. Shyness and introversion may be combined in the same person, but they come from different places.
q Susan, can an introvert become a great "connector" as described by Malcolm Gladwell?
Hello. Although I would like to participate during the chat, I will be working at that time. This book was so meaningful to me and my college age daughter. It struck home completely and was beautifully written. To say we identify would be an understatement. Thank you for writing this book Susan. I'm hopeful that Goodreads will publish the chat so that those of us who cannot turn in later will be able to watch it when our timing works. Thank you again for sharing this excellent research based book and validating those of us with introverted personalities who contribute in our own meaningful way to the world.
Dear Susan, Dont you think facebook is just another manifestation of the Extrovert Ideal?
Q: Susan, LOVE your book! While Edgar prepared index cards to party, how do you prepare yourself before going to social events/cocktail reception/parties then?
Please chat longer than 30 minutes. I'm a counselor and have a client until 230. Can I jump in then? You wouldn't be amazed by how many couples I meet where a part of the problem is your thesis.
q I am a Christian in a denomination that emphasizes the importance of each member witnessing, testifying, serving and ministering, all activities I see as important, but which often terrify me. Reading your book made me realize that I viewed my shyness and introversion as not simply a personality style, but a weakness, even a sin, because it makes it so difficult for me to do God's work. I don't doubt God's love for me, but now that I know better who I am, I am trying to figure out who it is God wants me to be. I wonder, Susan, if you have seen others during your research who have struggled with worshipping in a culture of extroversion. Thank you for your work!
I’m a junior in college and the pressures of employment have been building. I’ve been struggling with finding my passion with regards to a career—something that I love. Because of my nature, I find myself doing a lot of reading, but not a lot of doing. A friend recently expressed to me the importance of “getting out there and doing it’‘. What are your thoughts, suggestions, or experiences with discovering a passion?
My question is about introverts in relationships. I have found that since I have started dating my current partner (an extrovert) 4 years ago, I have let go of several friendships. Now, most of the friends I have are people I know through my partner. It seems that once I met my partner (someone I feel very comfortable with, and happy around) I lost the incentive to push myself to maintain and seek new friendships. My mother thinks that my partner is controlling, but this is not the case at all. Is maintaining a social circle outside of one’s primary relationship a problem many introverts face? How can introverts maintain a broader social circle when they have found one person they are so comfortable around?
q My question is about introverts in relationships. I have found that since I started dating my current partner (an extrovert) 4 years ago, I have let go of several friendships. Now, most of the friends I have are people I know through my partner. It seems that once I met my partner (someone I feel very comfortable with, and happy around) I lost the incentive to push myself to maintain and seek new friendships. My mother thinks that my partner is controlling and pushing other people out of my life, but this is not the case at all. Is maintaining a social circle outside of one’s primary relationship a problem many introverts face? How can introverts maintain a broader social circle when they have found one person they are so comfortable around?
Sandra, maybe this is "cross talk" but your question really resonates with me because I have faced the same issue, kind of the reverse side of the same coin. My partner is really extroverted compared to me and has pushed for us to do everything together and make common friendships which take up so much of my energy as an introvert that I basically had nothing left to give after going to happy hour with him and trying to keep up with him, it was so exhausting that I would end up in tears not infrequently, to his confusion and disappointment since he was having such a wonderful time...based on past relationships where I kind of "disappeared" into my boyfriend, I decided to be extremely careful to maintain my own friendships outside of those I share with my partner, and stopped exerting myself so much to "keep up" with his social life and his/our circle. In other words, I kept having my own separate social life. Now, I have the reverse problem which is that I don't share enough of a community of people with him and haven't gotten to know his friends yet, which keeps us more distant than I would like.
Well I don't mean to turn this into therapy but in any case when I read your book, Susan, I suddenly understood things in a whole new light and felt so relieved! I actually cannot emphasize enough how much the book has meant to me and what a difference it has made for me. Now I'm trying to find ways to apply the wisdom and as an introvert sometimes I make connections in my own mind that are so liberating but then that never reaches the other people in my life because it's not my first instinct to share all of the things I think about! Anyways, chats like these are so useful for this reason because I can see the connections other people are making, and how they are applying what you have taught us, Susan.
How about a list of favorite movies for introverts? How many of us were envious of Tom Hanks in Castaway?
Q: Hey, I really like your book. You have been an inspiration to me and all the introverts in the world. I wanted to ask since I am a college student, I find it difficult to be socially accepted and though I try, I am perceived as socially unavailable and uncool. I like the way I am and enjoy quietness and being alone but still I do feel lonely sometimes. So am I an extrovert or introvert? and how should I behave to be more socially acceptable without being perceived as a weirdo? Thanks
Q: Do you think our public decision making, political process or public discourse are stunted by the Extrovert Ideal--i.e., the prevalence of extroverts in public office and political life?
I am interested in this subject because one branch of my family is very introverted and it causes situations of misunderstanding .
I felt so validated after reading this book! I like to read and write, and I work best when given individual projects in the office. I am also a freelance musician so I'm used to practicing my instrument for hours alone. I've been called everything form anti-social to passive aggressive even at a very young age. I don't think our current educational system is condusive to developing introverted children to their full potential would you agree?
I really would like to understand the different personalities and perhaps find a way we can get along better. Thanks for writing the book.
What career advice would you give to someone who would prefer to work alone?
Q: What would you define as an extreme introvertness? Is it possible for it to turn into a full blown social phobia?
Q are you a reader as well? what is your fave book and author?
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