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message 801:
by
Wendy
(last edited Jun 29, 2009 03:51PM)
(new)
Jun 29, 2009 03:50PM
We can't have Moi bothered by demons. What's a good anti-demon spray or bait that can help keep her safe while she smells what used to be her rose bed (or at least thinks she smells, since her nose has been permanently plugged).
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I came to say Hi to UM, but I see she's out.But hey, I really like what ya'll have done with the place! Horace, what a sweet creature! ...but why are there a pair of shoes and some unopened mail lying under his leaves?
Demon problem hu? I hate that...I know a good witch doctor...I'll send him over when I can.
Personally, I find most demons are pussies. Shoot them from a mile away with the Barrett .50 calibre, then finish off the job with a Desert Eagle .50 calibre, and they're gone, whimpering for their mummies. OK, some require holy water, or crucifixes or exorcism, but generally, they really are ugly wimps.
Maybe we can add a sprinkler/mister that you can walk under when you enter the yard. Then it would be great for hot days and double as a demon repellant.
Really all they need is your soul. What good is a soul, it's not required to live is it. But if you want the mister, we can get her a mister. She might miss her soul.Um, Wendy? Did you bring Miguel over? Because that looks like his big sexy arm in Horace's mouth.
Dude you need to like lock Horace in a cage or something!
But he is so sad in a cage, he can't grow and thrive.
bbut he's gonna eat me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's pretty full right now, and if you give him at least 10 feet of space, you're safe.
okay*leaves note in large box with a finger print lock, so if Paul comes to visit he can't read it. In the box there is a bar of chocolate too*
Hey guys,
I'm really bored and I wondered what would happen if I left a baby at Paul's place. So that's what I'm going to do! It's a robot but a very sophisticated robot that with the help of magic can do all that a human baby can do as well as grow up. I haven't created multiples for fear of a Rozen Maiden reaction. Which has happened before when multiple dolls have been created with magic.My great great grandmother made multiples of these dolls and they will kill anything and anyone denying the dolls of attention from there orderer.
No people were harmed in the making of this letter
*leads in witch doctor by the arm. Witch doctor is covered in tribal paint, with a large bone through his nose, and bones through earlobes*Hi guys! I brought my friend, I just call him Bob. He is still learning English, but he's great!
He's to help when the demons get past Paul's Barrett .50 calibre, and the sprinklers with holy water. He's a master at exorcisms.
*Horace begins to snap in Bob's general direction*
Bob, stay away from Horace. *makes snapping gesures with arm* Big plant... BAD!
Yeah Bob, he is a big plant. How do you tell him 'ten feet'? Just want to keep him safe, plus that bone won't go down Horace very well.
Ohhh, good point! I'd hate to harm sweet Horace with that nasty jagged bone.Bob, T-E-N F-E-E-T...yeah, sometimes you just have to say it louder for him to understand. ;)
Maybe it's better if you stand here Bob... *pulls Bob a good safe distance from Horace*
Bob clicks a lot, is he agitated or something? he keeps pointing at the yard. Like he should be complaining about stink. When was the last time you saw a bar of soap Bob? Man, that's ripe.
Oh yes, his stench is foul. Here Bob. *makes circular movements with a bar of soap to demonstrate use*
Run in the holy water sprinklers with the bar of soap...then he'll be doubly affective and smell better!
Great idea!
Look at him, like a little kid. Yes Bob, water is good. Oh my, they are making a mess of the manure on the yard, our green paint is coming off, what do we do. No, Bob! Don't roll in the pooh.
Oh, not to worry... it's a part of the exorcism ritual. Good job, Bob! I'll leave some more green paint so that he can patch things up when he's done.
Oohh, I think I'll need to bring some more soap though.
Is it just me...or did the fertilizer make grow Horace larger? Jeeze, he's like, 8 feet tall now. We may need to get some police tape to keep people away.
Could we sadate Horace and take him out back? It might be safer
OMG IDEA!!!*brings in green refresh paint from arm and hammer!*
No, we will not take Horace out, he is a gift for UM. She'll love him and he will love her. Why, I bet he doesn't even try to taste her. Maybe some tape would be good, let's go 15 feet. Stop watering him for a day or so and um...stop feeding him too. sorry Horace, but you don't want to get chubby. Nobody likes a chubby plant, trust me.
Theres no such thing as a chubby plant! wow this is being typed in the dark!!!
Do you think Um's neighbors will mind that Bob is naked today? Unless you count the poop smear, that is- does he consider that clothes?
Maybe he does. It is covering the vital parts. Bob, DO YOU NEED CLOTHES? I SAID, CLOTHES. **POINTS TO SHIRT** He's not understanding me and I yelled. What's he doing - Bob! That's MY shirt, not yours. I will get you one. Seriously? We need to find a way to communicate better with Bob. He got pooh on my shirt. I have to go change.Here Bob, you can have this one. I don't like poopy shirts. **removes pink tank top and gives to Bob*** It's okay, I wore my bikini under it, I know, that's a white belly. Haven't had time to go out in the sun in less than that. I cut the grass the other day, but it was kind of cloudy out. Leave me alone, I'm getting a shirt.
Bob, Pink is really your color. NO-don't eat it. Shoot, that's going to hurt later.
I beg to differ Green Daisy. THere is a movie with a man-eating plant that gets awfully big- I think it was called the "Little SHop of HOrrors" or something. You never know with these man-eaters, eat too many fat men and they'll get high colesterol too. Poor things will be having leaf-attacks (plant heart attacks).
Oh we can't have that Horace, you need to try to eat better. Let's see only vegetarians. Sounds good, then you're not getting too much protein or cholesterol.Remember that plant talked on Little Shop of Horrors, 'Feed me Seymour!'
Horace hasn't spoke yet, but give him time. he's still a baby.
Bring him laxatives later and say their candy. He'll be right as rain in a day or so.
If you could hide them in a hot dog or something, we might have more luck. Or a small rodent, anything with meat will do.
Better get one of those mice by where the roses used ot be, I think the fumes from the poo has addled their brains, Horace is trying to lure them closer- ooh here comes the UPS man, I think he's lost interest in the mice.
And look at that UPS man, he's pretty fine. No, Horace. Why do you always have to eat the hotties? I'm getting a little upset about this. **UPS guy sees tape and moves away** Smart man, say are you a vegetarian? Yes? I'm sorry, that was the wrong answer. No real man swears off steak. **lures him withing striking distance and-bye bye hottie**sorry girls, but now Horace will be okay for a day or so, lets get those laxatives, while he's chewing.
Oh, by the way, where should we put UM's package?
uh-oh anyway I would suggest painting the yard again with this pain called REFRESH by Arm and Hammer it will help get rid of some of the odor...
Great idea, is Bob finished 'cleaning' himself? So we can turn off the sprinklers. I think the pooh should dry a bit before painting don't you? When is UM coming back?
I think she planned on being gone a couple weeks and we're half way there- maybe. I could be wrong.
Yes, the poo needs to dry for sure. It looks like it's coming along nicely!Where's Bob anyway... Bob,.... BOB?
*Hears a soft snoring sound from adjacent shrubbery*
Oh, there you are Bob, sleeping so soundly... I'll let him sleep. We can wreck more havoc...um, I mean, continue our work, tomorrow.
Oohh, that pink tank top is FIERCE on Bob! I'll have to compliment him tomorrow!
*tip toes out*
Holy cow Horace! How big are you going to get? I go to sleep and overnight you're like a foot bigger. Who were you eating while I was gone? You know, if you don't slow down UM will get rid of you. She won't like you eating her guests. That's right, you should look ashamed. Let's be picky about our meals okay. We can get you a burger or a steak instead.You'll be fine, as long as you listen and control yourself. Jeez, it smells bad in here. I brought some air fresheners and some baking soda to put on the pooh, I'm told it absorbs odor so lets cross our fingers.
Yeah good plan I'll go sprinkle (not really more like pour) it onto the pooh now...*sprinkles on bakin soda and hides the air freshners*
I know!! *pokes dry pooh with stick* alright I'm going to paint11(paints with arms and hammer paint*
Oh wow, it is a lot better!The air fresheners seem to be doing the trick. Now the paint appears to be dry too!
Horace, you look nice today, and you haven't grown too tall. Keep it up.
Now, where is Bob?? Bob.... oh, BOB??
Hmmm....
Bob's gone? I don't think Horace ate him, they were bonding. Horace has been put on a hotdog and vegetarian diet. Oh no, is Bob a vegetarian?
Sorry, I thought I'd bring Artie to see the garden. He sort of got away from me for a while.Well, I didn't see Bob sleeping behind that bush, did I?
By the way, we need a batch of stronger tasers.
Yes, tasers would be good. Don't look at me like that Horace, if you didn't eat the guests, we wouldn't use them on you. But, you continue to ignore what I'm saying to you.Bob is sleeping behind the bush? Still? Man, he sleeps a lot. I hope he's just sleeping. Imagine trying to explain the dead guy covered in pooh with a bone in his face to UM. We'll just feed him to Horace if he's dead.
Sorry, I should have explained more clearly.Most of Bob is unconscious behind the bush. I'm afraid Artie managed to get a leg off before I could stop him. That little bugger's got some set of teeth on him. Anyway, I used those string things that UM was wasting holding up bushes to make a tourniquet. He didn't lose that much blood considering...
WEll, he's a bushman. I hear they're pretty tough. I don't think his tribe will take him back though. he's no good to them with one leg. you can't hunt lions and such with only one leg to run on.
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