Bizzaro Quotes

“The world is still new . . . it seems old to us, but only seems because our lives are so short . . . our human race has been around for such a brief amount of time that the universe hasn't had the chance to detect us yet. One blink is all it needs to miss our dance through actuality.”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“Three days ago, I was fired from my job teaching at a college because one of my students
bet me that you don’t cum when you get a prostate exam and it took me seven minutes
to prove that dumb fucking kid wrong. It was hard to touch my own prostate, but
ultimately, I was correct. I came onto the floor and onto the person in the desk up front.
I said, “Kids, that is what is known as ‘empirical evidence’.”
― Sam Pink, Dragons With Cancer

“[he]. . . hated God . . . actually, he just hated Christians . . . He never met God. Why should he care about somebody he never met?”
― Carlton Mellick III, Satan Burger

“So what do you do?' she asked. 'I sneak around at night, well, usually at night, and gather coins out of fountains', I said slowly, watching her face for judgement. She burst into laughter. 'Like spare change? You collect people's wishes? And you spend them on yourself?' 'They're not wishes' I said. 'They lose their symbolism once they hit corporate water. At that time they either become extra income for people who don't need it, or they can help me get along in the world.”
― Caris O'Malley, The Egg Said Nothing