2026 Reading Challenge

John > John's Quotes

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  • #2
    Steven Wright
    “If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: first, funny, skydiving
    900 likes

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  • #3
    Steven Wright
    “I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: books, humor
    858 likes

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  • #4
    Steven Wright
    “Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: amnesia, humor, memory
    4691 likes

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  • #5
    Steven Wright
    “When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: absurd, humor
    276 likes

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  • #6
    Steven Wright
    “If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?”
    ― Steven Wright
    231 likes

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  • #7
    Steven Wright
    “When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.”
    ― Steven Wright
    218 likes

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  • #9
    Steven Wright
    “If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: failure, humor, success
    396 likes

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  • #10
    Steven Wright
    “If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor
    197 likes

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  • #11
    Steven Wright
    “I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor-reading-poem
    187 likes

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  • #12
    Steven Wright
    “If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?”
    ― Steven Wright
    207 likes

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  • #13
    Steven Wright
    “Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor-mondays
    184 likes

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  • #14
    Steven Wright
    “I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor, writing
    222 likes

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  • #15
    Steven Wright
    “Everyone has a photographic Memory, some just don't have film.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: absurd, humor
    183 likes

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  • #16
    Steven Wright
    “The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, 'Where the hell is my roof?”
    ― Steven Wright
    160 likes

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  • #17
    Steven Wright
    “I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor, tarot
    179 likes

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  • #18
    Steven Wright
    “Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor
    124 likes

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  • #19
    Steven Wright
    “I wish, when I was first born, the first thing I said was "Quote" so the last thing I said before I died would be "Unquote.”
    ― Steven Wright
    147 likes

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  • #20
    Steven Wright
    “Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, 'Happy Birthday.”
    ― Steven Wright
    134 likes

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  • #21
    Steven Wright
    “I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor-thought
    108 likes

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  • #22
    Steven Wright
    “If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?”
    ― Steven Wright
    97 likes

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  • #24
    Steven Wright
    “What happens if you get scared half to death twice?”
    ― Steven Wright
    125 likes

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  • #25
    Steven Wright
    “Whose cruel idea was it for the word “lisp” to have an “s” in it?”
    ― Steven Wright
    97 likes

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  • #26
    Steven Wright
    “I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: humor
    112 likes

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  • #27
    Steven Wright
    “It doesn’t matter what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.”
    ― Steven Wright
    103 likes

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  • #28
    Steven Wright
    “Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.”
    ― Steven Wright
    113 likes

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  • #29
    Steven Wright
    “When I was a kid we had a sandbox. It was a quicksand box. I was an only child...eventually.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: absurd, humor
    84 likes

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  • #30
    Steven Wright
    “If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.”
    ― Steven Wright
    tags: absurd, humor
    101 likes

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  • #31
    Steven Wright
    “If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?”
    ― Steven Wright
    78 likes

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  • #32
    Steven Wright
    “I can levitate birds. No one cares.”
    ― Steven Wright
    67 likes

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  • #33
    Steven Wright
    “How young can you die of old age?”
    ― Steven Wright
    47 likes



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Tags From John’s Quotes

first
funny
skydiving
books
humor
amnesia
memory
absurd
failure
success
humor-reading-poem
humor-mondays
writing
tarot
humor-thought