Ali > Ali's Quotes

“I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.”
― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

“I'm done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.”
― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

“People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.”
― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

“What makes you think human beings are sentient and aware? There's no evidence for it. Human beings never think for themselves, they find it too uncomfortable. For the most part, members of our species simply repeat what they are told-and become upset if they are exposed to any different view. The characteristic human trait is not awareness but conformity, and the characteristic result is religious warfare. Other animals fight for territory or food; but, uniquely in the animal kingdom, human beings fight for their 'beliefs.' The reason is that beliefs guide behavior which has evolutionary importance among human beings. But at a time when our behavior may well lead us to extinction, I see no reason to assume we have any awareness at all. We are stubborn, self-destructive conformists. Any other view of our species is just a self-congratulatory delusion. Next question.”
― Michael Crichton, The Lost World

“It's amazing--my parents call everything a discussion. If I were standing across the street, firing a bazooka at my mother, while my father was launching mortar back at me, and Jeffery was charging down the driveway with a grenade in his teeth, my parents would say we should stop having this public "discussion".”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Note to self: It's hard to attain a state of no-mind when you're incredibly pumped up on tea and sugar and have to urinate every three and a half minutes.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Zen and the Art of Faking It

“Did you really JUST fall, Jeffrey?
Why does everybody in my family talk in these dramatic CAPITAL LETTERS all the time? Why am I the only calm one?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Steven, I look like a raccoon.
You do NOT look like a raccoon.
Actually, he looked like some deranged anteater, but I didn’t figure that would be the thing to tell him.
Yes, I do. Oh, no. What if I stay this way forever?
You’re not going to stay that way forever, Jeffy. People get black eyes all the time. If they never got better, the streets would be crowded with raccoon people. Soon the raccoon people would find each other and breed.
I was on a roll here.
The preschools would fill up with strange ring-eyed children. Soon the raccoons would be taking over our streets, stealing from our garbage cans, leaving eerie tails of Dinty Moore beef stew cams in their wakes. Gangs of them would haunt the malls, buying up all the black-and-gray-striped sportswear. THE RIVERS WOULD RISE! THE VALLEYS WOULD RUN WITH…
Steven you’re joking, right?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“What do you call a planet where bad guys stroll through life with success draped around their shoulders like a King’s cloak, while random horrors are visited upon the innocent heads of children? I call it Earth.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“It was like seeing Bill Gates at age thirteen, times two. And half of him was wearing a cheerleader uniform. Yes, I know that’s a weird image.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Oh, good lord, Jeff. Don't go getting all emotional on me. I've been getting it from my mom, my dad, my sister, the freaking MAILMAN--I don't need it from you, too. All I ask is that you promise me one thing.'
'What?'
'Just water the plants while I'm gone, all right?'
'You don't have plants, Tad.'
'I know. I just always wanted to say that.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, After Ever After

“You look like a handsome young man…although you might want to zip your fly.
Mom!
What? Should I have not told you and left it for everyone else to notice at the dance?”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“(Yes teenage boys who are fine always cry on their mothers’ shoulders until they leave a snot trail.)”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?'
'Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just...I mean, Tad was...uh, nope.'
'So what were you guys talking about?'
'Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing...umm...hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.'
'There's another kind?' Lindsey asked.
'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, After Ever After

“Renee was beautiful, but she was my friend now. On the other hand, Annette was my friend, but now she was beautiful. makes about as much sense as anything ever does with girls”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, Drums, Girls & Dangerous Pie

“Or maybe...their biggest fear is that they will get close to you again, and you'll go and drop dead.”
― Jordan Sonnenblick, After Ever After

“because nerds like us are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. Nerds are allowed to love stuff, like jump-up-and-down-in-the-chair-can’t-control-yourself love it. Hank, when people call people nerds, mostly what they’re saying is ‘you like stuff.’ Which is just not a good insult at all. Like, ‘you are too enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness’.”
― John Green

“So I walked back to my room and collapsed on the bottom bunk, thinking that if people were rain, I was drizzle and she was a hurricane.”
― John Green, Looking for Alaska

“Because we are no different from any animal, any insect or germule. We are not special, Cal. You, me, we all came from nothing, and that's exactly where we're all going one day, maybe soon, whether we like it or not.”
― Roderick Gordon & Brian Williams, Deeper

“I like how you don't hide your problems like everyone else, and I don't have to hide mine when I'm around you.”
― Ned Vizzini

“I'm jealous of her. Can you be jealous of your mom for being able to handle things? I couldn't take a day off, take a dog to the vet, and cook dinner. That's like three times too much stuff for me to get done in one day. How am I ever going to have my own house?”
― Ned Vizzini, It's Kind of a Funny Story

“Sometimes I wish I had an easy answer for why I'm depressed.”
― Ned Vizzini