Rob > Rob's Quotes

“Anybody that competes with slaves becomes a slave,” said Harrison thickly, and he left.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Player Piano

“The unwritten motto of United States Robot and Mechanical Men Corp. was well-known: “No employee makes the same mistake twice. He is fired the first time.”
― Isaac Asimov, I, Robot

“Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“You're a rotten driver," I protested. "Either you ought to be more careful, or you oughtn't drive at all."
"I am careful."
"No you're not."
"Well, other people are," she said lightly.
"What's that got to do with it?"
"They'll keep out of my way," she insisted. "It takes two to make an accident.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“But they made no sound, and what I had almost remembered was uncommunicable forever.”
― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

“Men,” Colonel Cargill began in Yossarian’s squadron, measuring his pauses carefully. “You’re American officers. The officers of no other army in the world can make that statement. Think about it.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“One hand washes the other. Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.” Yossarian knew what he meant. “That’s not what I meant,” Doc Daneeka said as Yossarian began scratching his back.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Racial prejudice is a terrible thing, Yossarian. It really is. It’s a terrible thing to treat a decent, loyal Indian like a nigger, kike, wop or spic.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“I’d rather have peanut brittle crumbs on my face than flies in my eyes,” Havermeyer retorted.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“He mashed hundreds of cakes of GI soap into the sweet potatoes just to show that people have the taste of Philistines and don’t know the difference between good and bad.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Now, where were we? Read me back the last line.” “ ‘Read me back the last line,’ ” read back the corporal who could take shorthand. “Not my last line, stupid!” the colonel shouted. “Somebody else’s.” “ ‘Read me back the last line,’ ” read back the corporal. “That’s my last line again!” shrieked the colonel, turning purple with anger. “Oh, no, sir,” corrected the corporal. “That’s my last line. I read it to you just a moment ago. Don’t you remember, sir? It was only a moment ago.” “Oh, my God! Read me back his last line, stupid.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“What could you do? Major Major asked himself again. What could you do with a man who looked you squarely in the eye and said he would rather die than be killed in combat,”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Steal Captain Black’s car,” said Yossarian. “That’s what I always do.” “We can’t steal anybody’s car. Since you began stealing the nearest car every time you wanted one, nobody leaves the ignition on.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“You know, that’s my trouble,” he groaned. “I never listen to anybody. Somebody kept telling me to put my headlights on, but I just wouldn’t listen.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“All right, I’ll dance with you,” she said, before Yossarian could even speak. “But I won’t let you sleep with me.” “Who asked you?” Yossarian asked her. “You don’t want to sleep with me?” she exclaimed with surprise. “I don’t want to dance with you.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Yossarian wrinkled his forehead with quizzical amusement. “You won’t marry me because I’m crazy, and you say I’m crazy because I want to marry you? Is that right?”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“The leader of this team of doctors was a dignified, solicitous gentleman who held one finger up directly in front of Yossarian and demanded, “How many fingers do you see?” “Two,” said Yossarian. “How many fingers do you see now?” asked the doctor, holding up two. “Two,” said Yossarian. “And how many now?” asked the doctor, holding up none. “Two,” said Yossarian. The doctor’s face wreathed with a smile. “By Jove, he’s right,” he declared jubilantly. “He does see everything twice.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Doc Daneeka gave him a pill and a shot that put him to sleep for twelve hours. When Yossarian woke up and went to see him, Doc Daneeka gave him another pill and a shot that put him to sleep for another twelve hours. When Yossarian woke up again and went to see him, Doc Daneeka made ready to give him another pill and a shot. “How long are you going to keep giving me those pills and shots?” Yossarian asked him. “Until you feel better.” “I feel all right now.” Doc Daneeka’s fragile suntanned forehead furrowed with surprise. “Then why don’t you put some clothes on? Why are you walking around naked?” “I don’t want to wear a uniform any more.” Doc Daneeka accepted the explanation and put away his hypodermic syringe. “Are you sure you feel all right?” “I feel fine. I’m just a little logy from all those pills and shots you’ve been giving me.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Bribery is against the law, and you know it. But it’s not against the law to make a profit, is it? So it can’t be against the law for me to bribe someone in order to make a fair profit, can it? No, of course not!”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“They were the most depressing group of people Yossarian had ever been with. They were always in high spirits.”
― Joseph Heller

“Why are they going to disappear him?” “I don’t know.” “It doesn’t make sense. It isn’t even good grammar. What the hell does it mean when they disappear somebody?”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Five is very good, Milo,” he observed with enthusiasm, spying a ray of hope. “That averages out to almost one combat mission every two months. And I’ll bet your total doesn’t even include the time you bombed us.” “Yes, sir. It does.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Chaplain,” he continued, looking up, “we accuse you also of the commission of crimes and infractions we don’t even know about yet. Guilty or innocent?” “I don’t know, sir. How can I say if you don’t tell me what they are?” “How can we tell you if we don’t know?” “Guilty,” decided the colonel. “Sure he’s guilty,” agreed the major. “If they’re his crimes and infractions, he must have committed them.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Yossarian was moved by such intense pity for his poverty that he wanted to smash his pale, sad, sickly face with his fist and knock him out of existence because he brought to mind all the pale, sad, sickly children in Italy that same night who needed haircuts and needed shoes and socks.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“I only raped her once,” he explained. Yossarian was aghast. “But you killed her, Aarfy! You killed her!” “Oh, I had to do that after I raped her,” Aarfy replied in his most condescending manner.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“It’s a small wound. All we have to do is stop the bleeding, clean it out and put a few stitches in.” “But I’ve never had a chance to operate before. Which one is the scalpel? Is this one the scalpel?”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“I dint know they had majers in collidge. I thot it was onley in the army. Anyway”
― Daniel Keyes, Flowers for Algernon

“It wasn’t any ordinary guessing game,” said Rumfoord. “It was about how long the human race was going to last. I thought that might sort of give you more perspective about your own problems.” “The”
― Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan

“The twelve sides were said by the architect to represent the twelve great religions of the world. So far, no one had asked the architect to name them. That was lucky, because he couldn’t have done it. There”
― Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan

“Thirty days have Salo, Niles, June, and September, Winston, Chrono, Kazak, and November, April, Rumfoord, Newport, and Infundibulum. All the rest, baby mine, have thirty-one. The”
― Kurt Vonnegut, The Sirens of Titan