William > William's Quotes

“If Lincoln freed the slaves and preserved the Union, how come
'Lincolnesque' just means tall?”
― Calvin Trillin, Enough's Enough

“Daddy, how come in Kansas City the bagels taste like just round bread?”
― Calvin Trillin, Feeding a Yen: Savoring Local Specialties, from Kansas City to Cuzco

“Do my ears deceive me, or can I actually hear the sounds of worms turning? You say a turning worm makes no sound? But how about a chorus of turning worms?”
― Calvin Trillin, Too Soon To Tell

“Why in the world are you a Republican?”
― Calvin Trillin, About Alice

“By the way, did you fellows know that a hummingbird weighs as much as a quarter? Do you think a hummingbird also weighs the same as two dimes and a nickel? But then she asked a question of her own: How do they weigh a hummingbird?”
― Calvin Trillin, Enough's Enough

“Would I be commenting on Amy Fisher?
Was that the sort of subject that someone who hoped to become poet laureate should discuss? Would those British laureates who had traditionally written about royal birthdays and royal jubilees have dealt with such goings on?”
― Calvin Trillin, Deadline Poet: My Life As a Doggerelist

“Going out? Are you going out? He's not going out? What do you mean he's not going out? Are you out here because you're still mad that they moved the Dodgers to L.A.? Are you going out or not? You're not going out? I guess you're not going out — huh? You mean go out parking in the evenings? Are you going out to park? Mr. Tepper, he asked at one point, did you ever — if you were in the middle of an interesting story in the paper or perhaps an interesting conversation with somebody who dropped in to talk to you while you were parking — notice that the meter had run out and therefore go out and put more money in the meter? If we're both keeping an eye out, what does it hurt?”
― Calvin Trillin, Tepper Isn't Going Out

“I suppose it's possible that the Sundance Kid didn't like to make much of his birthdays — they may have struck him as just another reminder that his draw was getting slower by the year—but what if he truly liked a major celebration? What if he looked forward every year to marking the day of his birth with what they used to call in the West 'a real wingding, with pink balloons and a few survivors'?”
― Calvin Trillin, Travels with Alice

“The price of purity is purists.”
― Calvin Trillin

“But my subconscious mind--the part I've heard writers call the lizard brain--could and did: it told me to reach for Anne Lamott or Edith Wharton or Calvin Trillin instead. And if I've learned one thing in my decades on earth, it's this: Don't argue with your lizard brain; it knows you better than you know yourself.”
― Sara Nelson

“Health food makes me sick.”
― Calvin Trillin

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
― Calvin Trillin

“Was the Buffalo chicken wing invented
when Teressa Bellissimo thought of splitting it in half and deep frying it and serving it with celery and blue-cheese dressing? Was it invented when John Young started using mambo sauce
and thought of elevating wings into a specialty?”
― Calvin Trillin, Third Helpings