Grace > Grace's Quotes

“When you're drowning you don't think, I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me. You just scream.”
― John Lennon

“When I was your age, television was called books.”
― William Goldman, The Princess Bride

“If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.”
― Woody Allen

“We all hold the keys to our own jail cells.”
― Paul Levine, Solomon vs. Lord

“A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.”
― W.C. Fields

“Solomon's Laws
1. When the law doesn't work...work the law.”
― Paul Levine, Solomon vs. Lord

“Advertising - A judicious mixture of flattery and threats.”
― Stephen Leacock

“Why do only the awful things become fads? I thought. Eye-rolling and Barbie and bread pudding. Why never chocolate cheesecake or thinking for yourself?”
― Connie Willis, Bellwether

“Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.”
― Bertrand Russell, New Hopes for a Changing World

“So I say, “Live and let live.” That’s my motto. “Live and let live.” And anyone who can’t go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfucker. It’s a simple philosophy, but it’s always worked in our family.”
― George Carlin

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”
― George Carlin

“Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
― George Carlin

“Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”
― George Carlin

“I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it.”
― George Carlin

“Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty.
I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be.”
― George Carlin

“Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.”
― George Carlin

“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”
― George Carlin, Napalm & Silly Putty

“A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed.”
― George Carlin

“I don't know how you feel, but I'm pretty sick of church people. You know what they ought to do with churches? Tax them. If holy people are so interested in politics, government, and public policy, let them pay the price of admission like everybody else. The Catholic Church alone could wipe out the national debt if all you did was tax their real estate.”
― George Carlin

“Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.”
― George Carlin

“Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?”
― George Carlin

“When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America you get a front row seat.”
― George Carlin

“We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don't even know how to take care of ourselves; we haven't learned how to care for one another. We're gonna save the fuckin' planet? . . . And, by the way, there's nothing wrong with the planet in the first place. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared with the people, the planet is doin' great. It's been here over four billion years . . . The planet isn't goin' anywhere, folks. We are! We're goin' away. Pack your shit, we're goin' away. And we won't leave much of a trace. Thank God for that. Nothing left. Maybe a little Styrofoam. The planet will be here, and we'll be gone. Another failed mutation; another closed-end biological mistake.”
― George Carlin

“Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain.
America, America, man sheds his waste on thee,
And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea.”
― George Carlin

“Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers. ”
― George Carlin

“Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.”
― George Carlin

“Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.”
― George Carlin

“The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend.”
― George Carlin

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
― George Carlin

“We are a nation of sheep, and
someone else owns the grass.”
― George Carlin