Neil Leckman > Neil's Quotes

“Sitting in front of my fireplace, basking in it's warm glow gives me time to reflect upon the sacrifices that it has taken for me to enjoy the security of a good home, in a safe environment. I can hear the soft whisper of the snow as it caresses my window and covers the ground outside in a scintillating display of sparkling lights under the full moon. How many times have our service men and women watched this same scene from a foxhole, or camped in some remote part of the world. Thankful for the silence of that moment, knowing it won’t last long. Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He/she dresses in fatigues and patrols the world restlessly, ensuring that we can have this peaceful night. Every day they give us the gift of this lifestyle that we enjoy, and every night they watch over us. They are warriors, angels, guardians, friends, brothers, fathers, mothers, sisters and brothers, forming a family that stretches back to the beginning of the country. So tonight when you go to bed say a prayer that God watch over those who watch over us, and thank them for their sacrifices, on and off the battlefield. Pray that they have a peaceful night, and will be home soon with their families who also share their burden. Without them we would not have this moment.”
― Neil Leckman

“I don't know why they call them Cheerios, I ate an entire box and didn't feel any happier!!”
― Neil Leckman

“Is it worth the effort to tell an idiot that they are profoundly stupid? Or is it just good fun to see the blank stare?”
― Neil Leckman

“If you die while travelling at the speed of light do you still see the light, or a 'temporarily unavailable' message?”
― Neil Leckman

“I am open to all comments, I accept them with humility, or as much as i can muster on short notice.”
― Neil Leckman

“When I was little and my mom got mad at me she would always say, "You know you can be replaced".
I have often wondered if I was.”
― Neil Leckman

“If a book falls in the woods and nobody read it, was it ever written?”
― Neil Leckman

“This is another one that perplexes me.
"Would you like your milk in a bag?"
"No, I think it's fine inside that plastic jug, but thanks for asking first!!”
― Neil Leckman

“I consider whoever my words land on to be my target, that’s why I like flash fiction, it’s a lot like using a shotgun.”
― Neil Leckman

“I sprayed my dog with off and he still sits in my favorite chair!!”
― Neil Leckman

“A tale within a Tweet, how sweet!!”
― Neil Leckman

“If I have multiple personalities will I taste better to a zombie, or is the effort simply wasted?
I've talked it over with myself, and neither of us could agree if that is true or not!!!”
― Neil Leckman

“I remember a bully once telling me that he was going to beat the stuffing out of me. After numerous blows it was evident to both of us that I didn't have any!!”
― Neil Leckman

“Cheech and Chong Vs. HAL
"I can't do that Dave."
"Dave's not here, man"
"That does not compute. Dave"
"No man, Dave isn't here!!"
..."I'm sorry Dave but that is incorrect"
"No man, Dave's not here!!"
"Daisy, daisy,.... I'm self terminating now Dave...."
"No man, dave's not.....Is he gone?”
― Neil Leckman

“How many boxs of Fruit Loops do you need to smash to be considered a cereal killer?”
― Neil Leckman

“I have my moments, I just can't remember where I put them.”
― Neil Leckman

“Quickly look down, now you tell me, when you were little did you ever imagine that you'd be wearing those shoes? Mind blowing isn't it?”
― Neil Leckman

“Have you ever had a large spider in the tub, figuring you'll wash it down the drain you turn on the shower, and set it to hot?
Only to have the stupid thing grab onto the edge of the drain and hiss at you!!”
― Neil Leckman

“They started the meeting out by saying, "Everybody please take your seats"
I was halfway back to my cubicle with mine before they stopped me...”
― Neil Leckman

“I never completely understood the phrase, "I took my medicine religiously", unless of course it was a religion I was unfamiliar with!!”
― Neil Leckman

“So you like to stretch the truth?" he asked me. "Stretch, fold, spindle, staple or cut, whatever it takes to get it to fit just right".”
― Neil Leckman

“The man said, "The toy cars are a dollar a piece". The boy thought about that a moment and asked, "How much for the whole thing?”
― Neil Leckman

“They used to say, "A penny for your thoughts". I have heard that zombies will pay up to $5 a pound for your brains. Inflation even affects the dead!!!”
― Neil Leckman

“If I have a pocket full of rainbows am I an optimist, or a guy with wet pants and really large pockets?”
― Neil Leckman

“I try not to have personal problems, I do that by telling everyone about them!!!”
― Neil Leckman

“Some people like to push my buttons!!! I just wish they would give them back...”
― Neil Leckman

“Pharmacy drive-up window:
"Could I have your address?"
"Well, you could, but that would be one hell of a coincidence!!”
― Neil Leckman

“Is it possible to be ticket for going too fast during speed dating?”
― Neil Leckman

“I'm not sure what they mean by mispent youth, I used mine to get a nice BLT a few years ago.”
― neil leckman

“Sure, ask a question, fire away, but remember, just because we answer doesn't mean we care. We all have our own problems, and mine are down in the cellar kicking up a fuss right now, must not have made the knots tight enough!!!”
― Neil Leckman