Michael > Michael's Quotes

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#1

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe

148401 likes

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#2

“I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, knowledge

6885 likes

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#3

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail

10179 likes

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#4

“I am not young enough to know everything.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: age

8464 likes

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#5

“It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them!”
― Friedrich Nietzsche

tags: humor, philosophy

8079 likes

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#6

“I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring

tags: family, friends, parties, social

12469 likes

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#7

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”
― Ernest Hemingway, The Garden of Eden

tags: happiness

15054 likes

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#8

“My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best.”
― Winston S. Churchill

tags: humor, taste

5972 likes

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#9

“This life’s hard, but it’s harder if you’re stupid.”
― George V. Higgins, The Friends of Eddie Coyle

tags: humor, life, misattributed-john-wayne

11391 likes

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#10

“When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, "Why god? Why me?" and the thundering voice of God answered, There's just something about you that pisses me off.”
― Stephen King, Storm of the Century

tags: god, humor, religion

7982 likes

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#11

“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: saint-sinner

8925 likes

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#12

“Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other.”
― Mark Twain

tags: morals

3399 likes

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#13

“Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

tags: experience-mistakes-wisdom

8703 likes

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#14

“I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.”
― Mae West

tags: humor

3107 likes

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#15

“All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.”
― William Shakespeare, As You Like It

4547 likes

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#16

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.”
― Mark Twain

3657 likes

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#17

“Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.”
― Napoleon Bonaparte

tags: enemies, mistakes, strategy

3432 likes

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#18

“Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: adulthood, success, value

7084 likes

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#19

“I sought to hear the voice of God and climbed the topmost steeple, but God declared: "Go down again - I dwell among the people.”
― John Henry Newman

tags: god, inspirational, love

2361 likes

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#20

“Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.”
― G.K. Chesterton, Alarms and Discursions

tags: cheese, poetry

5000 likes

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#21

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”
― Edmund Burke

tags: evil

2955 likes

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#22

“It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.”
― Lou Holtz

tags: inspiration, motivation

4834 likes

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#23

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grasses waving above one's head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday, and no tomorrow. To forget time, to forgive life, to be at peace.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Canterville Ghost

5800 likes

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#24

“Do you hate people?”

“I don't hate them...I just feel better when they're not around.”
― Charles Bukowski, Barfly

tags: humour, misanthropy, paraphrased

13394 likes

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#25

“Everything must be made as simple as possible. But not simpler.”
― Albert Einstein

tags: einstein, paraphrased, science, systems

2914 likes

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#26

“If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.”
― Lemony Snicket, Horseradish: Bitter Truths You Can't Avoid

tags: humor, talking, writers

4820 likes

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#27

“I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”
― Mark Twain

tags: classic-insult, funeral, funny, humor

7634 likes

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#28

“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.”
― Mark Twain

tags: humor, philosophy, religion

2510 likes

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#29

“The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.”
― Albert Einstein

2706 likes

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#30

“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: fashion

2682 likes

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