Beth > Beth's Quotes

“Don't look now, but that's my ex over there."
Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look now" as "there's no better time than now." I looked.
"Bad, Ali!" Another slap to my arm. "Bad, bad, bad Ali! Have you no self control?”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn't tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his best undead buddies and stalk me through my friend's yard. And oh, yeah, it was totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night-dinner buffet, because having organs is SO last year.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Should I pull on a shirt?" he asked with hint of amusement. I WILL NOT BLUSH. "No." He'd be doing the world a favor if he never wore a shirt again, but I wasn't going to tell him that part. "You're fine.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Of course.” She fluffed her hair. “I don’t want to brag, but I’m very high maintenance.”

“Uh, I think low maintenance is what’s
desirable.”

“Low maintenance is what’s forgettable. You might want to write that down, underline it, circle it and put a star by it. It’s golden.” With barely a breath, she added, “Now let’s find out if we’re compatible, shall we?”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“You are such a chick.”
I widened my eyes in mock surprise.
“No way. Are you sure?”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“She's a skank. He's a player. He's cute but almost OD'd last year, so he's a bad bet. She's a two-faced, lying, cheating witch. That's right, Trina, I'm talking to you," she shouted. "By the way," she added just for me, "Trina cusses, which means cussing is trashy, which means my golden rule is to never cuss. I have class. Unlike Trina, the skank of Birmingham." The last part was, of course, shouted.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Everyone at school seems to go by a nickname. Kat, Frosty, Bronx, Boo Bear, Jelly Bean, Freckles.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Are you suggesting I’m working with the
zombies? That I paid them to pretend to
attack me so that I’d trick you into letting me join you?”“Did you?” Mr. Holland demanded.“Yeah, okay,” I said in a sugar-sweet tone. “You’re right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steaks, rare, and a bottle of vintage type A. He told me all his secrets, but too bad for you I promised him I wouldn’t tell. In exchange I asked him to gather his
best undead buddies and stalk me through
my friend’s yard. And oh, yeah, it was
totally fine if they wanted to use me as an all-night dinner buffet, because having organs is so last season.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Here goes. See, my boyfriend and I decided to stay together for the summer, you know, even though he had to go visit some family in nowhereville. At least, that’s what he told me. Anyway, everything was fine at first, because you know, we talked every night, and then boom, he just stopped calling. So I called and texted him like the good girlfriend I am, and it wasn’t stalkerish, I swear, because I stopped after, like, the thirtieth time. A week goes by before he finally hits me back, and he was totally drunk and all, hey, baby, I miss you and what are you wearing, like no time had passed, and I was all, you so do not deserve to know.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Why wouldn't I dance?' Uh, maybe because at first glance he looked like he ate puppies for breakfast and kittens for lunch?”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Are you trying to tell me that you've never been kissed?"
I pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth. He looked so dubious, and his tone had borderd on insulting. "Yeah. So?"
"So, I'm shocked, that's all. You're...you."
In-sul-ting."Me?" I asked stiffly.
"Yeah. Hot," he said.
Wait. Me? HOT?
He laughed down at me."No one's told you that, either, have they?"
I could only shake me head.
"You've clearly been hanging around idiots.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“I can't promise we'll ever use you for a hasty getaway," Cole said, "but with a little work, you might be able to race my grandmother-while she's on her scooter.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“You are such a chick."
I widened my eyes in mock surprise. "No way. Are you sure?"
Sighing again, he rubbed at the tattoos on his wrist. "Mackenzie was right. You aren't slayer material."
Before he had time to register my intentions, I threw a punch. My sore, swollen knuckles slammed into his cheekbone, thrusting his head to the side. Pain shot up my arm, but I bit my tongue to stop a moan.
"You were saying?"
He popped his jaw, rubbed at the reddening skin-and slowly grinned. "Okay, so now I understand why Cole likes you. You're worse than Kat.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Girl, he wants to dip you in Frosted Flakes and have you for breakfast. That's his favorite cereal, by the way." I...had no words for that.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Blood spurted from his nose. Okay, I couldn't help myself. I burst out laughing.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Please, I'd love to meet the guy you couldn't handle, and give him and award.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“I've seriously got to stop turning my girlfriends gay, but like I can really help it. It's my animal appeal.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“So let me help you out. My favorite color is-hell, I don't know. I've never cared enough to think about it. My favorite movie is-what else-ZOMBIELAND. But not because the good guys win in the end, though that's a plus, but because Emma Stone is hot."
I snorted. He was SUCH a guy.
"My favorite band is-"
"Let me guess," I interjected. "White Zombie? Slayer?"
"Red. And no, not just because I want zombies to bleed.What about you? Who do you like? Because honestly, I'm surprised you know White Z and Slayer."
"I like Red,too, but I'm partial to Skillet. Used to listen to them with my sister. But why wouldn't I know the other bands?"
"You look so angelic."
"And do you think angels are hot?" I asked primly, trying to play it cool so that I wouldn't reveal what a mess I was on the inside. All this time, he'd wanted to get to know me and date me. What craziness!
"The hottest.”
― Gena showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“His frown was less dark and more confused."What's new for you? Dancing?"
And so much more, but all I said was, "Yes."
"And you let some strange college boy grind all over you for your first time? That's stupid, Ali."
NOT GOING TO BE EMBARRASSED, NOT GOING TO BE EMBARRASSED."First, he wasn't grinding on me, and second, you're no better than him."
A solid minute of silence, then "You are terrible for my ego, you know that?"
I could say the same to him.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Though I'd wanted to wear sequinned flip-flops, I'd worn boots and switched the plain white ties for pink lace because, uh, the pink were sturdier.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“I can’t promise we’ll ever use you for a hasty getaway,” Cole said, “but with a little work, you might be able to race my grandmother—while she’s on her scooter.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“A golden half-moon graced the black velvet sky, no clouds in sight, allowing a blanket of stars to twinkle in every direction.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland

“Excuses are merely the cherry topping of an E.coli-infested sundae.”
― Gena Showalter, Alice in Zombieland