Quotes - M (The United States) Showing 1-30 of 35

#1

“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
― George Carlin

tags: funny, humanity, humor

8871 likes

#2

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
― George Carlin

tags: fighting, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, peace, sex

4258 likes

#3

“Meow” means “woof” in cat.”
― George Carlin

tags: animals, cats, dogs, humor, language

2149 likes

#4

“If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?”
― George Carlin

2462 likes

#5

“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
― George Carlin

tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, misattributed-george-carlin, stupidity

3543 likes

#6

“Atheism is a non-prophet organization.”
― George Carlin

tags: atheism

961 likes

#7

“Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.”
― George Carlin

755 likes

#8

“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
― George Carlin

tags: euphemism, funny, humor, terminology, war

803 likes

#9

“Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.”
― George Carlin

618 likes

#10

“Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck”
― George Carlin

tags: humor

566 likes

#11

“In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.”
― George Carlin

tags: america, humor, president, qualifications

662 likes

#12

“Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.”
― George Carlin

530 likes

#13

“I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.”
― George Carlin

tags: descartes, humor, philosophy, subjectivity

514 likes

#14

“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”
― George Carlin

tags: butterflies, caterpillars, humor, injustice, work

638 likes

#15

“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.”
― George Carlin

355 likes

#16

“It's never just a game when you're winning.”
― George Carlin

tags: humor

317 likes

#17

“Everyone smiles in the same language.”
― George Carlin

383 likes

#18

“I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck. ”
― George Carlin

263 likes

#19

“Would a fly without wings be called a walk?”
― George Carlin

193 likes

#20

“Bullshit is truly the American soundtrack.”
― George Carlin

177 likes

#21

“Electricity is really just organized lightning”
― George Carlin

tags: anarchy, electricity, freedom, humor, lightning, perspective

205 likes

#22

“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”
― George Carlin

140 likes

#23

“If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”
― George Carlin

139 likes

#24

“Pardon me I've got nothing to say.”
― George Carlin

112 likes

#25

“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.”
― george carlin

107 likes

#26

“Life is tough, then you die.”
― George Carlin

tags: humor, reality

92 likes

#27

“We're all fucked. It helps to remember this.”
― George Carlin

49 likes

#28

“With the proper training, I could've been an evil genius.”
― George Carlin

47 likes

#29

“Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever taken the other's picture.”
― George Carlin, Brain Droppings

tags: humor

35 likes

#30

“I don't have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.”
― George Carlin

65 likes

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