West > West's Quotes

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
― Steve Jobs

“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Happy Prince and Other Stories

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost

“Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.”
― Mark Twain

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
― Albert Einstein

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

“You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.”
― Mae West

“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
― Steve Martin

“There's a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.”
― Oscar Levant

“Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.”
― Yogi Berra, When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes

“Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.”
― Thomas Szasz

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
― Oscar Wilde

“I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.”
― Oscar Wilde

“A good friend will always stab you in the front.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Experience is merely the name men gave to their mistakes.”
― Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray

“Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.”
― Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere's Fan

“Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.”
― Oscar Wilde

“I have nothing to declare except my genius.”
― Oscar Wilde

“Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.”
― Oscar Wilde

“There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing.”
― Oscar Wilde

“An idea that is not dangerous is unworthy of being called an idea at all.”
― Oscar Wilde

“That’s why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong on purpose so he could sit down. He knew he wasn’t going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours.

First round. “Cat, K-A-T, I’m outta here.” Then as he passed you, “Ha! I know there’s 2 T’s.”
― Brian Regan, Live

“It’s good to be here. I’m just trying to go through life without looking stupid. It’s not working out too well. ”
― Brian Regan

“I didn’t know what to do for my project so I brought in a paper cup filled with dirt just hoping that she’d know I’m an idiot and just walk right on past me just as long as I was holding something.

“What do you have there, Brian?”

“It’s a cup of dirt. Just put an ‘F’ on it there and let me go home.”

“Well, explain it.”

“Well, it’s a cup with dirt in it. I call it ‘Cup of Dirt.’ You should move on now. Just go ahead and move on. Head on down the line there.”
― Brian Regan, Live

“MOOSEN!!!!!!! There many MOOSEN in the WOODSEN! MANY MUCH MOOSEN! The Meisin wanted and the MOOSEN and...”
― Brian Regan

“ I would have been a lot better off if I’d studied more when I was growing up, y’know. But you know where it all went wrong was the day they started the spelling bee. Because up until that day I was an idiot, but nobody else knew.”
― Brian Regan, Live

“I" before "E" except after "C" and when sounding like "A" as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May, and YOU'LL ALWAYS BE WRONG NO MATTER WHAT YOU SAY!!!!”
― Brian Regan

“I learned something in the juice isle, and that is, I don't know what's going on with cranberries, but they're getting in all the other juices. Whoever the salesman for cranberries does a great job. He's showing up everywhere. "Hey what do you got? Apples? Well let's put some cranberries in them; we'll call it cran-apple - go fifty fifty. What do you got? Grapes? What about cran-grape? What do you got? Mangos? Cran-mango! What do you got? Pork chops? Cran-chops!”
― Brian Regan

“I never learn. Like a waitress will bring my meal. “Hey, enjoy your meal.”

“You, too. But you don’t have one, do ya? I’m a dufus. If you do eat enjoy it when you eat it if you have a break or something, later. If you get an opportunity.” That’s all I’m trying to say.”
― Brian Regan