Joe > Joe's Quotes

“People are like almanacs, Bonnie - you never can find the information you're looking for, but the casual reading is well worth the trouble.”
― Zelda Fitzgerald, Save Me the Waltz

“The trouble with emergencies is," she said, "that I always put on my finest underwear and then nothing happens.”
― Zelda Fitzgerald, Save Me the Waltz

“Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

A: You can't hear an enzyme.”
― Dorothy Parker

“He was going to live forever, or die in the attempt.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.

"That's some catch, that Catch-22," he observed.

"It's the best there is," Doc Daneeka agreed.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Why are they going to disappear him?'
I don't know.'
It doesn't make sense. It isn't even good grammar.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“The Texan turned out to be good-natured, generous and likable. In three days no one could stand him.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Well, he died. You don't get any older than that.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“Sure, that's what I mean,' Doc Daneeka said. 'A little grease is what makes this world go round. One hand washes the other. Know what I mean? You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.'

Yossarian knew what he meant.

That's not what I meant,' Doc Daneeka said, as Yossarian began scratching his back.”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“What would they do to me," he asked in confidential tones, "if I refused to fly them?"
We'd probably shoot you," ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen replied.
We?" Yossarian cried in surprise. "What do you mean, we? Since when are you on their side?"
If you're going to be shot, whose side do you expect me to be on?" ex-P.F.C. Wintergreen retorted”
― Joseph Heller, Catch-22

“The sadness of the world has different ways of getting to people, but it seems to succeed almost every time.”
― Louis-Ferdinand Céline, Journey to the End of the Night

“If you aren't rich you should always look useful.”
― Louis-Ferdinand Céline, Journey to the End of the Night

“We all write poems; it is simply that poets are the ones who write in words.”
― John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman

“There is only one good definition of God: the freedom that allows other freedoms to exist.”
― John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman

“His statement to himself should have been 'I possess this now,therefore I am happy' , instead of what it so Victorianly was: 'I cannot possess this forever, therefore I am sad.”
― John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman

“Duty is but a pot. It holds whatever is put in it, from the greatest evil to the greatest good.”
― John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman

“That's the trouble with provincial life. Everyone knows everyone and there is no mystery. No romance.”
― John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman

“He knew the world and its absurdities as only an intelligent Irishman can; which is to say that where his knowledge or memory failed him, his imagination was always ready to fill the gap.”
― John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman

“Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“Everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

“And so it goes...”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

“And Lot's wife, of course, was told not to look back where all those people and their homes had been. But she did look back, and I love her for that, because it was so human. So she was turned into a pillar of salt. So it goes.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse-Five

“Being a Humanist means trying to behave decently without expectation of rewards or punishment after you are dead.”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“To be is to do - Socrates

To do is to be - Sartre

Do Be Do Be Do - Sinatra”
― Kurt Vonnegut

“The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.”
― Kurt Vonnegut