Jared Woods > Jared's Quotes

“Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts”
― Jim Morrison

“Perhaps I write for no one. Perhaps for the same person children are writing for when they scrawl their names in the snow.”
― Margaret Atwood

“If you’re spending your days on the couch watching TV whilst eating potato crisps and downing diet cola, you can’t reasonably wonder why you’re so depressed right now.”
― Jared Woods, Heartbreak Sucks! How to Get Over Your Breakup in 30 Days

“There are fleeting visions of our ex having a wonderful time without us, laughing at how much we held them back whilst they mess around with multiple partners who are all far superior lovers than we ever were. Terrible thoughts. Painful. Wait, I have an idea! Let’s drown those horrific feelings in floods of booze and bury them beneath mountains of drugs immediately! That should show them! Yay! Of course, this is akin to shoving fistfuls of cotton wool into an open wound in hopes that it will stop the bleeding. It may work for a little while, but ultimately, you are going to end up with a severe infection, and you will die.”
― Jared Woods, Heartbreak Sucks! How to Get Over Your Breakup in 30 Days

“One of the most common variations of breakup advice is to get back on the horse. Another version is when unimaginative people inform you of how many fish there are in the sea. The problem with these so-called “insightful” consultations is that they are far too preoccupied with animals when we need to be looking at humans here.”
― Jared Woods, Heartbreak Sucks! How to Get Over Your Breakup in 30 Days

“The ultimate blasphemy is neglecting the gift of thought that we have all been granted. Convictions are the biggest threat to knowledge. Do not be convinced by anything. When you make up your mind about something, every door closes. Exploring and questioning the outside and inside world is a service you must commit to and practice every day. Remaining neutral is the strongest superpower anyone can have. That is the Janthopoyism way.”
― Jared Woods, Janthopoyism Bible

“When Life hands you lemons, make lemonade, sell the lemonade, and use the profits to build a lemonade empire.”
― Jared Woods, Janthopoyism Bible

“You can’t stop it from raining, but you can open yourself up until this very same rain is the best thing that has ever happened to you. Sing in the rain, sing about the rain, write a hit song about the rain. It is all divinity, every last bit of it, and you are lucky to be involved.”
― Jared Woods, Janthopoyism Bible

“I spent all my teen-age years being obsessed with beauty, and I’m very resentful about it and I’m very angry.
I had so much intelligence and energy and drive, and instead of using that to study more, or instead of pursuing something or going out and learning about or changing the world, I directed all that fire inward, and burnt myself up.”
― mitski