Jolanta Kigele > Jolanta's Quotes

“I accepted that his dream wasn’t smaller—just different and I stopped searching for dreams for him that were bigger than the ones where he felt safe and at peace.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“It wasn’t that his senses were broken. They were simply dialed to a volume the world wasn’t built for.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“Yes, I didn’t have to feel embarrassed anymore. The strangers had stopped looking. But in the heavy quiet of that aisle, I realized that to save my own ego from a few nameless strangers, I had robbed my own child of his purpose.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“I don’t know what kind of life Ima will live when he grows up, but I believe with all my heart that one day, the shelves of this world will be perfectly organized. Not because it is someone’s grueling duty, but because someone, somewhere, finds absolute joy in putting things back where they belong.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“How do you teach caution to a soul that only knows kindness?”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“They tell you ‘Put your own oxygen mask on first.’ But you think—not with my child. Until the plane actually starts to fall. That’s when you finally understand.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“For the very first time, I finally understood that I couldn’t shield Ima from the world forever. But I could pour every single ounce of my love into him, right here, in this exact, fleeting moment.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“You don’t have to fix everything. All you need is to stay alive, and to be present.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“Trust is not rebuilt with a single apology. It returns inch by inch, strand by strand.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“At five years old, Ima already knew more about the universe than I ever have. To be honest, the sheer depth of his passions amazed me, but it also scared me a little.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“To us, it was nothing more than a few inches of hair. To him, it was an irretrievable piece of himself, gone forever.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“I realized then, with terrifying clarity: Ima’s boundaries are much more fragile than those of other children and they are never meant to be broken by force. They must be allowed to fade away on their own terms, no matter how much time it takes.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“And I am still learning to love my child the way he needs to be loved—not the way it’s most convenient for me.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“I see your child, whose world experiences a seismic shift at the slightest change.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“There is no manual for raising special needs children, and we all make mistakes. But our mistakes are exactly what teach us to feel deeper and see clearer.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“You don’t have to be a perfect parent. You only have to walk this path together with your child. Step by step. Inch by inch.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“Never let a white coat decide your child’s worth—sometimes even the biggest names in the field are totally blind.”
― jolanta kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“If your instinct tells you that you’re in the wrong room, trust it.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“I see your child bloom in one room and retreat into their shell in another.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“I stand right beside him. Not between him and the world, but with him, facing the world together.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“The life that used to be filled with voices and shared adventures suddenly fell silent. The phone stopped ringing. The invitations dissolved. One by one, the doors closed. We were the ones left standing outside.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“We didn’t know what to say’ is the ultimate shield for the emotionally lazy. It shifts the burden from their comfort to your survival, suggesting that if they can’t find a perfect, polished sentence, you aren’t even worth a broken one.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“It took a time to realize that their silence wasn’t about my child’s inability to fit into their world. Not at all. It was about their inability to expand theirs.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“No, it wasn’t the end of the world. But knowing that you are being systematically erased from the lives of your friends—and worse, your own relatives—simply because your child has special needs, is a pain that guts you out from the inside.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“Convenient doesn’t mean better. Your child is not convenient, but he is magnificent, and you know it. Stop waiting by the fence for people who are too small to appreciate his world.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“He was teaching us to love him not for what he achieved or how well he masked his struggles, but simply because he existed.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“He had taught me not to walk past. He had taught me how to truly see.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism

“We had spent years trying to prepare him for the world, completely underestimating his ability to conquer it on his own terms.”
― Jolanta Kigele, They Don’t See Me: A Mother’s Memoir of Autism