Quotes - Jose (Brooklyn, NY) Showing 1-30 of 37

#1

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.”
― Anthony G. Oettinger

tags: humor, misattributed-to-groucho-marx, time

#2

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor

38004 likes

#3

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail

10183 likes

#4

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor, life

2190 likes

#5

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

1389 likes

#6

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

1098 likes

#7

“I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.”
― Groucho Marx

1096 likes

#8

“I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: absurd, gibe, insult

846 likes

#9

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: gibe, insult

1091 likes

#10

“A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: funny, simplicity

677 likes

#11

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
― Groucho marx

1021 likes

#12

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: funny, innuendo

719 likes

#13

“Whatever it is, I'm against it.”
― Groucho Marx

550 likes

#14

“I intend to live forever, or die trying.”
― Groucho Marx

682 likes

#15

“Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: absurd

395 likes

#16

“Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.”
― Groucho Marx

303 likes

#17

“Room service? Send up a larger room."

[A Night at the Opera]”
― Groucho Marx

tags: hotel-rooms, hotels, humor, room-service

277 likes

#18

“Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: leadership

559 likes

#19

“Time wounds all heels.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: paraphrased

367 likes

#20

“If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.”
― groucho marx

282 likes

#21

“Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world?
Woman: Really?
Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.”
― Groucho Marx

231 likes

#22

“I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.”
― Groucho Marx

368 likes

#23

“A man is only as old as the woman he feels.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: naughty

196 likes

#24

“I must admit, I was born at an early age. ”
― Groucho Marx

267 likes

#25

“We'll meet at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. Once you get there; you're on your own.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

170 likes

#26

“I’ll put off reading Lolita for six more years until she turns 18.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: groucho-marx, lolita, nabakov

267 likes

#27

“Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you.”
― Groucho Marx

189 likes

#28

“Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.”
― Groucho Marx

373 likes

#29

“Before I speak, I have something important to say.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: absurdist, humor

245 likes

#30

“I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: insult

135 likes

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