Chris Christensen > Chris's Quotes

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#1

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

tags: carpe-diem, happiness, live-in-the-moment, self-determination

1129 likes

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#2

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

1391 likes

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#3

“I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: classic-insult

1652 likes

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#4

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: friends, humor, jail

10182 likes

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#5

“From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading

3625 likes

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#6

“Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: attributed-no-source

2819 likes

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#7

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”
― Groucho Marx

2537 likes

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#8

“Humor is reason gone mad.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor, reason

2518 likes

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#9

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor, life

2190 likes

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#10

“I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.”
― Groucho Marx, Groucho and Me

tags: clique, clubs, humor, membership

1876 likes

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#11

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: humor

1101 likes

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#12

“I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.”
― Groucho Marx

1102 likes

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#13

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: gibe, insult

1094 likes

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#14

“If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.”
― Groucho Marx

1072 likes

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#15

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”
― Groucho marx

1019 likes

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#16

“While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: money

960 likes

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#17

“Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: marriage, romance, sex

916 likes

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#18

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx

tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor

37975 likes

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#19

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
― Groucho Marx

tags: books, humor, reading, television

23111 likes

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Tags From Chris’s Quotes

carpe-diem
happiness
live-in-the-moment
self-determination
humor
classic-insult
friends
jail
books
reading
attributed-no-source
reason
life
clique
clubs
membership
gibe
insult
money
marriage
romance
sex
animals
dogs
television