imthedoctorbasicallyfunreads > imthedoctorbasicallyfunreads's Quotes

“The intelligence of that creature known as a crowd is the square root of the number of people in it.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Night poured over the desert. It came suddenly, in purple. In the clear air, the stars drilled down out of the sky, reminding any thoughtful watcher that it is in the deserts and high places that religions are generated. When men see nothing but bottomless infinity over their heads they have always had a driving and desperate urge to find someone to put in the way.”
― Terry Pratchett , Jingo

“It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum amount of moo.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“We need to borrow your boat," said Vimes.

"Bugger off!"

"I'm choosing to believe that was a salty nautical expression meaning 'Why, certainly,'" said Vimes.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“They represented what people called the "international community." And like all uses of the word "community," you were never quite sure what or who it was.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“The Librarian shyly held out a small, battered green book. Vimes had been expecting something bigger, but he took it anyway. It paid to look at any book the orangutan gave you. He matched you up to books. Vimes supposed it was a knack, in the same way that an undertaker was very good at judging heights.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Someone broke from the scrum and, punching and kicking, staggered towards the Klatchian goal.

"Isn't that man your butler?" said Ahmed.

"Yes."

"One of your soldiers said he bit a man's nose off."

Vimes shrugged. "He's got a very pointed look if I don't use the sugar tongs, I know that.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“My strength is as the strength of ten because my heart is pure," said Carrot.

"Really? Well, there's eleven of them.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Odd thing, ain't it... you meet people one at a time, they seem decent, they got brains that work, and then they get together and you hear the voice of the people. And it snarls.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Why are our people going out there,” said Mr. Boggis of the Thieves’ Guild.

"Because they are showing a brisk pioneering spirit and seeking wealth and … additional wealth in a new land,” said Lord Vetinari.

“What’s in it for the Klatchians?” said Lord Downey.

“Oh, they’ve gone out there because they are a bunch of unprincipled opportunists always ready to grab something for northern,” said Lord Vetinari.

“A mastery summation, if I may say so, my lord,” said Mr. Burleigh.

The Patrician looked down again at his notes. “Oh, I do beg your pardon, I seem to have read those last to sentences in the wrong order…”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“They looked up. Someone with a face and apron that said ‘barman’ in seven hundred languages was standing over them, a wine jug in each hand.
"No women in here," he went on.

"Why not?" said Nobby.

"No women asking questions, neither."

"Why not?"

“‘cos it is written, that’s why.”

"Where’m I supposed to go, then?"

The barman shrugged. “Who knows where women go?”

"Off you go, Beti," said the Patrician. "And … listen for information!"

Nobby grabbed the cup of wine from Colon and gulped it down.

"I dunno," he moaned. "I’ve only been a woman ten minutes and already I hate you male bastards.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“I'm not a natural killer! See this? See what it says? I'm supposed to keep the peace, I am! If I kill people to do it, I'm reading the wrong manual!”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Gentlemen, please,” said the Patrician. He shook his head. “Let’s have no fighting, please. This is, after all, a council of war.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“History was full of the bones of good men who'd followed bad orders in the hope that they could soften the blow. Oh, yes, there were worse things they could do, but most of them began right where they started following bad orders.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Taxation, gentlemen, is very much like dairy farming. The task is to extract the maximum amount of milk with the minimum of moo. And I am afraid to say that these days all I get is moo.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“There was a tradition of soap-box public speaking in Sator Square. “Speaking” was stretching a point to cover the ranters, haranguers and occasional self-absorbed mumblers that spaced themselves at intervals amongst the crowds. And, traditionally, people said whatever was on their minds and at the top of their voices. The Patrician, it was said, looked kindly on the custom. He did. And very closely, too. He probably had someone make notes.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Vimes shook his head. “That always chews me up,” he said. “People killing one another just because their gods have squabbled—” “Oh, they’ve got the same god, sir. Apparently it’s over a word in their holy book, sir. The Elharibians say it translates as ‘god’ and the Smalies say it’s ‘man.’” “How can you mix them up?” “Well, there’s only one tiny dot difference in the script, you see. And some people reckon it’s only a bit of fly dirt in any case.” “Centuries of war because a fly crapped in the wrong place?” “It could have been worse,” said Carrot. “If it had been slightly to the left the word would have been ‘liquorice.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“If you would seek war, prepare for war.’” “I believe, my lord, the saying is ‘If you would seek peace, prepare for war,’” Leonard ventured. Vetinari put his head on one side and his lips moved as he repeated the phrase to himself. Finally he said, “No, no. I just don’t see that one at all.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“All that yohoho stuff's for landlubbers, or it would be if we ever used words like landlubber. Do you know the difference between port and starboard? I don't. I've never even drunk starboard.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“That was one of Leonard of Quirm’s traits: he picked up conversations out of the air, he assumed everyone was an interested friend, and he took it for granted that you were as intelligent as he was.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“The night is always old. He’d walked too often down dark streets in the secret hours and felt the night stretching away, and known in his blood that while days and kings and empires come and go, the night is always the same age, always aeons deep. Terrors unfolded in the velvet shadows and while the nature of the talons may change, the nature of the beast does not.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“Waifs and bloody strays, because normal people wouldn’t be coppers.”
― Terry Pratchett, Jingo

“You did something because it had always been done, and the explanation was, ‘But we’ve always done it this way.’ A million dead people can’t have been wrong, can they?”
― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

“There were a lot of things he could say. "Son of a bitch!" would have been a good one. Or he could say, "Welcome to civilization!" He could have said, "Laugh this one off!" He might have said, "Fetch!" But he didn’t, because if he had said any of those things then he’d have known that what he had just done was murder.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

“Shut up sergeant. You're a free troll. That's an order"
Sam Vimes”
― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

“Look down, your grace," said Skimmer. "Mhm, mhm."

Vimes realized he could feel the faintest prick of a knife blade on his stomach. "Look down further," he said.

Inigo looked down. He swallowed. Vimes had a knife, too. "You really are no gentleman, then," he said.

"Make a sudden move and neither are you," said Vimes.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

“Well, he thought, so this is diplomacy. It's lying, only for a better class of people.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant

“He sagged to his knees. He ached all over. It wasn't just that his brain was writing cheques that his body couldn't cash. It had gone beyond that. Now his feet were borrowing money that his legs hadn't got, and his back muscles were looking for loose change under the sofa cushions.”
― Terry Pratchett, The Fifth Elephant