Nick > Nick's Quotes

“Hail Mary, full of grace,” Papaw
said, “please tell Billy to shut his
face.”
“I intend to speak my mind,” Bill
said.
“Oh, Christians,” Papaw said
with a heavy sigh. “Always got to
speak their fucking minds like we
haven’t heard it all a million times
already. They think the sun rises just to
hear them crow. What a bunch of
Christless bastards.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“She thought the best way to feed her child was to use a slingshot.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“Insanity doesn’t run in our family,” I said. “It strolls along, takes its time and gets to know you personally.”
― Nick Wilgus, Stones in the Road

“You know what they say. Family. Can’t live with them. Can’t kill them, if only because it dulls the ax blade.”
― Nick Wilgus, Stones in the Road

“Do close your mouth. You look like a cow that's being artificially inseminated.”
― Nick Wilgus, Stones in the Road

“Every time a woman has a period, it’s a spontaneous abortion because the egg didn’t take,” I said, undeterred. “Are we going to start having a funeral for every used tampon?”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“God, fate, the universe, luck - we had been thrown together in this thing we call life for reasons we might never be able to fathom.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“Better feed him more beans or you’re going to have a midget on your hands, Wiley,” he said. “It’s bad enough to be deaf, but to be a deaf midget… oh God, help us. I had a dog like that once.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“Kids are always hanging on your tits,” I added. “By the time they grow up, you’ve got tits down to your knees and curvature of the spine.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“This is the South and we have our own ways of doing things down here. We're not going to sit back in silence while people like Wiley ram their homosexuality down our throats."

"God knows I ain't about to put my homosexuality in your mouth, Billy," I said.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“If you love Southern men, raise your glass. If you don't raise your standards.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“We don’t hide crazy,” I said. “We put it on the porch and let it entertain the neighbors.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“Paulie’s got so much Jesus, he’s going to need an enema to get it all out of him,”
― Nick Wilgus, Get Your Shine On

“Is a decent bowel movement too much to ask for?”
― Nick Wilgus, Get Your Shine On

“It's not like you need a Ph.D to slave your tits across a hot stove.”
― Nick Wilgus, Get Your Shine On

“She thought the best way to feed her child was to use a slingshot. - Wiley Cantrell”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“I knew you’d say yes. You’re so easy.” “You’ve obviously never tried to get into my pants.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“For an immature little preppy guy, you're pretty smart."
"An immature little preppy guy?" he repeated in an outraged tone of voice.
"You look like someone who would need a note from his mother to get out of gym class," I said.
"Life is full of surprises," he admitted.
"When you see the heat I'm packing, all this talk about imatture and little will go straight out of the window."
"Is that a promise?"
"You'll be crying for your mama.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree

“Oh, sorry, I’m thinking about Cousin Mary. Talk about a dog. That girl was so ugly we had to put a bag over her head when we went to town so we wouldn’t get arrested for public indecency.”
― Nick Wilgus, Shaking the Sugar Tree