Peter > Peter's Quotes

“If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you.”
― Dorothy Parker

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
― Dorothy Parker

“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Money cannot buy health, but I'd settle for a diamond-studded
wheelchair.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Q: What's the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

A: You can't hear an enzyme.”
― Dorothy Parker

“There's life for you. Spend the best years of your life studying penmanship and rhetoric and syntax and Beowulf and George Eliot, and then somebody steals your pencil.”
― Dorothy Parker, The Portable Dorothy Parker

“You don’t want a general houseworker, do you? Or a traveling companion, quiet, refined, speaks fluent French entirely in the present tense? Or an assistant billiard-maker? Or a private librarian? Or a lady car-washer? Because if you do, I should appreciate your giving me a trial at the job. Any minute now, I am going to become one of the Great Unemployed. I am about to leave literature flat on its face. I don’t want to review books any more. It cuts in too much on my reading.”
― Dorothy Parker

“Of course I talk to myself. I like a good speaker, and I appreciate an intelligent audience.”
― Dorothy Parker, The Ladies of the Corridor

“The plot is so tired that even this reviewer, who in infancy was let drop by a nurse with the result that she has ever since been mystified by amateur coin tricks, was able to guess the identity of the murderer from the middle of the book.”
― Dorothy Parker

“She realizes she doesn't know as much as God but feels she knows as much as God knew when he was her age.”
― Dorothy Parker