“I’m not sure if it was the despondent look in a parent’s big brown eyes and the hopeless shake of her head or if it was listening to my husband the other morning screaming at the kids, “I promised myself I wasn’t going to yell this week” that made me realize that recommending that spirited parents keep their cool was a denial of their own intensity. Somehow, some way, spirited adults have to find an acceptable outlet for their own intense reactions before they can help their children handle theirs. It doesn’t work to simply say, “I am supposed to be cool.” The fact is, you’re not. The”