“I would have unleashed my secret weapon.” She leaned in and whispered, “Operation Feel the Beard.”

“That’s your secret weapon?” He felt his beard every day, and he could say with 100 percent certainty that it was fairly low on his list of ways into his good graces. “I think you’re overestimating the beard, Hollywood. Now if you were to feel another part of—”

She felt his beard. Sweet effen Christmas.”