“I get that [Camila] cutting was no different than what I was doing, even if I couldn't see that then. But that's what you were saying. You were telling me that drinking and doing drugs and pretending I could exist outside the complicated bullshit of reality was its own form of self-harm. Meanwhile, I was telling myself my actions were something other than what they were–like control or rebellion or agency. But they weren't. There were just a way to hurt myself when I didn't know what else to do.”