“When we’re self-aware, we reflect on the source and effect of our emotions. When we’re self-responsible, we face our impact on the other person and commit to adjusting our behavior. People who want to stay married can live with a lot—a lot of limits, a lot of annoyances, even a lot of deprivations. But feeling they are being heard is one of the basic requirements for feeling loved. And the flip side is also true: not feeling heard is what people find most corrosive to their sense of trust and potential in marriage. Self-awareness means we’re listening to ourselves. Self-responsibility means we’re listening and responding to the other.”