Mark Hebwood answers “This is not a a question exactly, but a...”

Megan asked this question about The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life:

This is not a a question exactly, but a pondering. Have I forgotten how to not give a f*ck? For much of my 20's and 30's I didn't give enough f*cks. Sometimes I think that if I had give more f*cks I'd have a lot more money by now. Lately I'm afraid I'm giving too many f*cks. I don't want to self-sabotage with all of my f*cks. What is the right balance of f*cks to give? And that's why I've added this book.

Mark Hebwood Ha ha :-) I don't think it's the distribution of f*cks that matters but their properties. There is one big f*ck you wish to give. That is to find out …moreHa ha :-) I don't think it's the distribution of f*cks that matters but their properties. There is one big f*ck you wish to give. That is to find out who you are. This may sound elusive but is actually very practical. What kind of person are you? What turns you on? In which situations are you happy and feel invigorated, in which ones are you miserable and feel deflated?And so on.

Only when you know that can you know what you need, can you know what goals to have in life. Do you want to start a family, become an academic, go on the professional skiing circuit? And when you know that, you need to get these things done. Relentlessly. Not at the expense of others, of course, but with real focus. You need to want things badly, otherwise they wont materialise. So there are some more, smaller, f*cks to give.

And so finally you will have carved out your zone from life. This is a zone in which your strengths matter, but not your weaknesses - another word for this is the 'authentic life', the elusive goal so many seek, but so few appear to find.

And when you're there, you'll find that you have stopped giving some other f*cks. You are not measuring yourself any longer by the standards of others. You do not care so much any more about what others think of you. You are not trying to impress others. You are not trying to impress yourself. You'll find that having nothing to prove delivers a real sense of freedom, pressure you may have felt before in your life falls away, and you are happy.

So, to answer your question: Give the big f*ck first to find out which f*cks you need to give. Focus on giving them, and eventually you will stop giving a f*ck. Job done.(less)

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The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck

by Mark Manson (Goodreads Author)

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