Jenny Wells
asked
Cheryl Strayed:
What are you thoughts when people say they are staying together for the kids? Do you feel there's ever a time when kids, even as adults, should or could get over their parents' divorce?
Cheryl Strayed
Hi Jenny,
I think that couples who have a child or children might want to work especially hard to stay together if that's possible, since they won't be the only people impacted by a breakup, but my observation is that couples who stay together only because they believe it's best for the kids end up making the kids rather miserable over time. Children generally know when their parents are unhappy and couples who really don't love/like each other are modeling some pretty nasty stuff for their children when it comes to having honest and nurturing relationships. Of course even happy couples have hard times, struggles, disagreements, etc, but my sense is that if you really don't want to be partnered with someone you should not be partnered with them, even if your un-partnering means disappointing your children. Better to co-parent as individuals with kindness and love than stick it out as a couple with resentment and rage.
Having said all of that, this is such a case-by-case personal question. There is no one answer that fits all.
Best,
Cheryl
I think that couples who have a child or children might want to work especially hard to stay together if that's possible, since they won't be the only people impacted by a breakup, but my observation is that couples who stay together only because they believe it's best for the kids end up making the kids rather miserable over time. Children generally know when their parents are unhappy and couples who really don't love/like each other are modeling some pretty nasty stuff for their children when it comes to having honest and nurturing relationships. Of course even happy couples have hard times, struggles, disagreements, etc, but my sense is that if you really don't want to be partnered with someone you should not be partnered with them, even if your un-partnering means disappointing your children. Better to co-parent as individuals with kindness and love than stick it out as a couple with resentment and rage.
Having said all of that, this is such a case-by-case personal question. There is no one answer that fits all.
Best,
Cheryl
More Answered Questions
Sarah
asked
Cheryl Strayed:
Does the pain of losing your mother get any less intense as the years go by?
Linda
asked
Cheryl Strayed:
I am such a solid fan of yours. Besides Wild, I have absolutely loved Tiny Beautiful Things and especially the Dear Sugar columns. You have a special gift for keeping a finger on the inner human pulse. Will you ever publish more in the vein of Dear Sugar? We need a straightforward voice out here like yours.
Alex Sosa
asked
Cheryl Strayed:
Hi Cheryl, I lost my mom two years ago to stomach cancer. I was twenty then. To say that it has been difficult is an understatement. You book Wild helped me to understand a lot of the things I was feeling but couldn't figure out. Still, there is this constant feeling of loneliness no matter what I do or try. Any tips on how to overcome it? Thank you for inspiring me to move forward.
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Oct 26, 2015 10:30AM · flag
Oct 31, 2015 05:12PM · flag