Lorna
asked:
so far this is annoying the hell out of me. Does she ever look into what factors cause some women to accept or enter into relationships like this in the first place? I do not believe that a confident women with decent self esteem would get into a relationship with these sorts of men. Her reactions of what occurs seem accurate enough but she seems oblivious to the origins of the victim mentality.
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No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us,
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Emma
You should probably go back to the beginning of the book and start reading it again nice and slowly.
Holly Stovall
There is no such thing as "victim mentality." That's a term made up to support denialism. In reality, the opposite is true, humans want to deny the fact that most victims are women and most perpetrators are men. It's not a "mentality"--it's statistics. It's math. It's fact.
Sally
Too bad that not all women are confident or have decent self-esteem?
Abusive men tend to hide the fact they are abusive. It's not really something they mention in their Tinder profile. It may not even be something that shows up in the first few months.
Abusive men tend to hide the fact they are abusive. It's not really something they mention in their Tinder profile. It may not even be something that shows up in the first few months.
Anna
Yikes. What a horrible message to send to women who are survivors of domestic violence: that they must be weak-willed, self-conscious women, or otherwise they wouldn't have gotten into this mess in the first place.
Abusers can be extremely charming and charismatic at first, or alternate between charming and intimidating when it suits them, once the victim is firmly in their grasp. And gaslighting is an extremely effective manipulation tactic, even against confident and self-possessed people.
While it's certainly a worthwhile question to ask if poor self-image and domestic violence are linked, the idea that no self-respecting woman would get into an abusive relationship is incredibly myopic and actively feeds the victim-blaming stigma surrounding private violence.
Abusers can be extremely charming and charismatic at first, or alternate between charming and intimidating when it suits them, once the victim is firmly in their grasp. And gaslighting is an extremely effective manipulation tactic, even against confident and self-possessed people.
While it's certainly a worthwhile question to ask if poor self-image and domestic violence are linked, the idea that no self-respecting woman would get into an abusive relationship is incredibly myopic and actively feeds the victim-blaming stigma surrounding private violence.
Reet
When you study Early Child Development, you find that children who witness any kind of violence in the home are damaged by it, even if the violence was not done to them. That damage is in their subconscious, and is something you can't even get at. And then you grow up to subconsciously choose a man who will punish you. And after he has broken you, you will choose another, and so on, and if you're lucky, you'll be able to give up having relationships, because I am the only one who can look after my own heart.
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