A Goodreads user asked Janet Fitch:

Do you mostly live inside your own mind as a intellectual in a slightly self absorbed way? If so how do you open up and what social skills do you use to get people to communicate well with you?

Janet Fitch I am a pretty gregarious person. I like people, I teach, I live in the world. But there is always a part of me that lives inside my own spirit. I don't think of my self primarily as an intellectual--I see myself as an artist--so my internal world is more emotional and intuitive.

But yes, I can become very focused on that internal world and sometimes find it jarring to have to take care of day to day matters, other people's problems and so on. But people have problems, they need me to be a good friend (and vice versa...)

There is no permanent solution, it's all a dance. On any day, who knows what the balance will be. People do communicate with me--a lot. For me the challenge is to keep it on a level that nourishes us both, that conversations explore something more than what the new app is. or complaining about family or current events on a superficial level. Can we talk about something that brings out the best in us both, our smarts, our most interesting selves? Can we surprise each other? Can we not play tapes? So that the inner feeds the outer and the outer the inner.

there's a wonderful book which used to be quite popular, called Games People Play. Part of its approach was that too often, we don't have real conversations, we enact rituals which never really get through to who we are and what we really have to offer. These are called "games"--like "Aint it Awful"... things we do instead of creating a fresh moment with each other. That's something I try to do. I also found the book Dialogues of Alfred North Whitehead super inspiring, to strive to genuine exchange of informed views that we're all capable of doing--not waste each other's time when we're together.

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