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Katrina asked this question about Call Me by Your Name:
Why did Oliver get married? Wasn't he still in love with Elio?
Sebastian Saliast You know, gay life in the USA has, Thank goodness, become a more joyous, celebrated experience than it was as far back to the 80s. I was the exact sam…moreYou know, gay life in the USA has, Thank goodness, become a more joyous, celebrated experience than it was as far back to the 80s. I was the exact same age as Elio in 1983 but was a sheltered, naive, "warehoused" Catholic boy in a High School that actually had books saying how masturbation and homosexuality were sins and enough to condemn you to hell. So, I kind of blindly "bought" a bill of goods that I was straight, would eventually marry, have kids and my fascination (attraction) to Jon Erik Hexum had nothing to do with being gay.

Well, obviously, WRONG, lol!!

Anyways, point is just that I never finally worked up the courage and the capacity to come out as a gay man til I was 26. At times, when I compare my experience to that of Elio it saddens me what I missed out on. Then too, it was the height of the AIDS crisis and it seemed that being gay was rewarded by becoming sick, it was frightening.

This movie and book are such a beautiful, heart-wrenching insight in to the many self judgments and yes, sadly loathing many gay men face when accepting who and what they are.

Aside from the age difference, they were from different continents. Often times now a relationship gay, bisexual, straight whatever between a 17 and 24 year old is not unheard of.

With all the complexities involved in their relationship, I think Oliver and to a lesser degree Elio too knew that longevity of this relationship was like a firecracker, one whose fuse was lit so quickly but doomed to end just as quickly with the departure date of Oliver approaching so rapidly.

If Elio had fallen in love with a 24-year old summer resident who resided in Italy, the challenges involved would have been so much more realistic to navigate.

In the end, I do believe their love, was the greatest love affair both will have every shared. They were truly lucky to have found what they did even for as short a time as it was, of course the romantic in me wishes they could have braved the odds to have been a committed gay couple but the burdens were just too severe overcome.

The movie is spectacular. Reading the book after was such a delight in that I was able to so much better understand Elio, what he was going thru during this six weeks. Some refer to him as neurotic I believe that describes much of the gay population especially during their younger ages (so many of his fears and paranoia are the exact same way I felt at his age and do even sometimes to this day) and this is not a criticism just something so many do to ourselves. We are our own worst enemies/critics.

I strongly suggest watching the movie before reading the book. I'm so glad I did in that order.
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Call Me by Your Name
by André Aciman (Goodreads Author)
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