The Tragedy of Felix and Jake

by J. Daniels

“So, you didn’t kiss Jake.” “Oh. No, I totally did.” “Felix.” “Fine. I confess.” I push my curls back. “That story… it’s about me and Jake.”

“I want you to think about Maria.” His eyes soften, and the bastard can’t help but smile. “I always am.” “Swoon. Fuck me, you’re sexy.” “Get to the point, Felix.”

This is the first year I’m buying her something, so it’s a big deal. I don’t want to mess this up. And I can’t think of anything. What do you get the person you love when you’ve already given them your heart?”

Because Jake sends me something he’s never sent before. Something only I ever send. <3

“You can return my hoodie on Monday.” “I love you so much, it’s sick.” I throw my arms around him, squeeze for a solid second, and then release. “What a great first hug.” “We really didn’t hug. I just stood here.” “I felt the embrace of your body.” “Never say that again.” “It sounded sexual. I hear it now.”

“It wasn’t that hot in there, was it?” No. It was you. Saving my selfies to a separate album. Sending me old school heart emojis. You know, basically just wrecking me.

“Now it’s just me and Bella the Bitch.” “What?” Jake steps around me to peer into the kitchen. “Oh. You have a cat.” “No. Not a cat.” I shut and lock the door. “I have a malicious housemate who hates everyone, especially me. Seriously, Jake. Don’t get too close. Stop. I wouldn’t pet her. She’s not normal. She’ll—purr and lean into it because that’s how she usually reacts to affection. What the fuck.” “What.” “She hates being touched!” I step closer and then freeze halfway into the kitchen when I hear a hiss. “Seriously? I feed you, you psycho. I’m the reason you’re even alive, and you let some stranger pet you?”

“I like salty and sweet bites with popcorn. And the M&M’s get all melted and coat everything in the bowl. It’s good. Trust me.”

They’ve added some new stuff on here. Lots of choices. See anything you like?” “Yeah.” “Which one?” I turn my head when he doesn’t answer and holy fuck, he’s looking right at me and smirking while he chews. Jake is flirting. No way. No way!

I decide yes, Felix, he does want to sleep over! Jake just needs some encouragement. A little push to make this decision. And I am just the man for the job. (Blow or otherwise. Haha.)

Plus, I can make us breakfast in the morning. I think I’m good at that.” The corner of his mouth lifts. “I like breakfast.” Fuck yes, he does. FUCK YES HE DOES.

“Do you need anything? PJs? An extra blanket?” Your dick sucked? Felix!

His hair is sleep-messy, curling in his eyes, and fucking adorable.

“Are you hungry?” he asks. For food? Hardly. But I tell him I am.

“I always make way too much food,” he says, “I mean, I do eat a lot. And leftovers are nice. But if I ever get a family again someday, I’ll be ready, so maybe it’s not a bad thing that I do this.”

“You know we can’t.” “Yeah, but we would.” We lock eyes, both of us breaking away and looking down at the same time and fuck, we’re so screwed. We’re a time bomb, ticking.

At least one of us should have some fucking sense, but I’m jacking off in Felix’s house and moaning his name, begging him to hear me, and he’s admitting to having zero willpower if given the opportunity to hook up, and we’re supposed to keep our hands off each other for years?

“You give good hugs, Jake. Fuck. Of course, you do.” Felix groans against his hands. “Kind of wish I hated every second of that.” He blushes furiously when we lock eyes again. “Damn it. Suck at something, will you?” I chuckle, walking over to my door when he goes around to his. “Next time I’ll try and fuck it up. Maybe I’ll end it too soon or something.” “There’s going to be a next time?” We stare at each other. “Yeah,” we say together, and then we’re both laughing and climbing inside the car.

“You know we’re screwed, right?” “I don’t know. We survived a hug without tearing each other’s clothes off.” He looks at me skeptically. “Just because we’re at a cemetery and I just got done talking to my dead mom. Change the location and I would’ve been bent over the hood.” Heat rushes to my groin. I lean back in the seat as the most vivid images assault my mind. “We should probably talk about something else.”

“This is fun. I’m usually not this happy on Sundays. I think I love sleepovers.”

I know he’s your sponsor but if you need to call someone I want it to be me

But I’m sober and it matters more than anything because he matters more than anything. No point in denying it. And I feel so fucking much right now, it’s crushing me.

Holy fuck. It’s Dean. Breath rushes out of my lungs, and I’m up off the couch and moving toward him, and I say his name, “Felix,” that’s all I can say. I want to say so much more—where is he and have you seen him, is he’s okay, oh god, please tell me he’s okay, but I don’t need to ask Dean anything, because CJ moves aside and then I’m staring right at Felix. I stop moving.

His hands are just as big as mine, and his skin is calloused in places and his grip is stronger than any girl’s hand I’ve ever held, and I like it so much. And when I twist my wrist and push my fingers between his, interlocking them and holding hands like a fucking couple, I smile a little and so does he.

Felix keeps his gaze lowered. “What happened?” I ask. He laughs a little. “What do you think? I snorted the line and took the pill.”

“Okay. Hey. Thanks for everything you did today.” “Yeah. Of course.” CJ shifts his eyes to Felix. “Glad you’re okay. You really messed him up when he couldn’t find you. He cried and everything. It was really sweet.” Felix immediately looks over at me.

“Oh, fuck the rules. Jesus. You gotta know I don’t give a shit about rules at this point, Felix. I just had my tongue inside your mouth again. And if holding your hand like you’re my boyfriend wasn’t a hint; I’ll spell it out for you—I want you to be my boyfriend.”

“I just lost so much time. I’m starting over, Jake. I’m not—it should be someone else. Someone like Dean. Four hours is nothing.” “That’s not what you said the day we met,” I remind him. “I was bitching about losing seven years and how three weeks was nothing, and you said three weeks was amazing. That three hours would’ve been amazing. So shut the fuck up. You’re starting over? Well, so am I. We can start over together.”

“Your hair looks so fucking good right now. I need you to know that.” His head snaps up. “Really?”

“Remember when we were holding hands? Remember that?” I smile at him. “Can we go back to doing that and talk about how you want me to be your boyfriend? Like, could you say it again? I was so focused on the sponsor stuff I didn’t really get to enjoy hearing you say that.” I brush my fingers against his. “I’m sick of rules, Felix. It sucks trying to stay sober when you can’t even fuck who you want to fuck.” “More romance please. I’m not an object.” I burst out laughing. “I’m getting to the romance, baby.” His cheeks burn instantly. “Was it the baby?” I tease, running my nose along his. “Do you like that?” “Yeah. It was hot.”

B Is For Boyfriend (And Butt-Fucking) (Sorry. Please Keep Reading)

You know what’s even better than getting high? Landing the guy you want. That is so fucking dope. They should talk about how great this is at meetings. Maybe this is what all addicts need to hear, because I guarantee no one will ever want to use or abuse drugs again once they find out about how good this feels.

“You know they arrested your dad, right?” Jake’s (finally) my boyfriend, and now this? And the good news keeps on coming.

“I’m Ben. Or super muscular cop. My wife will love knowing you called me that.”

“The talk went fine. I still don’t think it’s a good idea, especially now, but you already knew that. And your boyfriend takes my advice as well as you do. You two are perfect for each other.”

“I totally ship you guys by the way!” “Oh. Thank you!” I turn back to Dean. “She ships us. You hear that?” “I hate that I know what that means.”

“I like you and Dean being close, I just want me and you to be closer. You know?” “Well, I don’t want to fuck him, so you’ve got him beat there.” “I’m serious.” “So am I.”

“Your best friend is really tired,” I say through a yawn. “Are you going to refer to yourself as that from now on? Warn me now if you are.” “Well, either that or boyfriend. I’m equally proud of both titles.”

“I know what this is,” Jake says, mouth buried in my hair. “You forget I’m just as fucked up as you are, Felix, so I know what happens after the high wears off. I loved blow, remember? That paranoia shit while you’re withdrawing fucking sucks. You don’t need to explain it to me, and you don’t need to tell me you’re sorry, okay? I’ve been through it.”

“I want you. I’m going to fuck you. And we’re not just going to be fucking around either. I can’t believe you’d ask me that shit.”

“That was the hottest thing I’ve ever done with a guy. Shit. I think it might be the hottest thing I’ve ever done with anyone.” My face and neck burn. “Yeah?” “Hell yeah. All that stuff you said? You’re a little freak.”

I am so fucking happy right now, I could die. “Can you keep doing that with my hair? It feels good.” “It looks good too. Your hair is perfect all messy like this.” God. Did I need to hear that or what? How did he know? He plays with another curl at the back of my head. “Go to sleep, Felix.” “Shut up. I am.” His laugh is low and rumbled, and the last thing I hear before I drift.

Jake inches toward me. “Well? Pucker up, motherfucker.”

“I’ll let you do a lot of stuff to me, Felix, but sticking me repeatedly with a needle won’t be one of those things.”

Jake chews on his bottom lip in this teasing, adorable way as he shakes his head at me. Guys this hot shouldn’t be cute too. It’s a little unfair to us “average” people.

And Jake… he bought me a phone and more. He got me my clothes and took care of Bella. He took care of me. Fuck. I’m going to cry all over him. I know I am.

“Wait. How did you get Dean’s number?” “He gave it to me when he lectured me outside.” “Oh.” I frown immediately. Do not get jealous. Do not get jealous. “Jesus. For the last time, I’m not trying to fuck your sponsor,” Jake says, and it’s a little annoying how perceptive he can be.

“I need to go back to sleep. I just wanted you to know I’m good. Just, like, super moody and emotional. You know how it is. And I think Jake’s about to dump me.” “Jesus Christ,” my soon-to-be-ex mumbles. I crane my neck to look at him. “Do you want to keep Bella after we separate? I think she’d be happier with you.” “You need to stay the fuck away from coke.” “He isn’t wrong,” Dean says in my ear, and I swear to God, he actually sounds amused right now.

“Are you ready to go back to sleep?” Jake asks. “Definitely.” “Thank fuck.” And before I can ask if he would prefer it if I never woke up again, because we all know that’s how my chemically rotted brain interprets his enthusiasm, Jake smooths his thumb over my exposed cheek in the most adoring way, like some romance movie shit, and I can’t remember someone ever caring about me this much before. How can something so wonderful hurt like this?

There are car keys on the trunk, and I stop and stare at them, my mind racing. Maybe they’re Jake’s. I could go for a drive until I’m tired (more tired). Maybe I could stop somewhere and buy him something, because he’s already the best boyfriend ever, and he deserves gifts too. Sweet things like him. I bet he wouldn’t even care if I borrowed his car. I’d bring it right back. I’m excited now and happy again. He’s going to be so surprised.