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“He just started running his mouth like that when I asked if he took any of the drugs. A simple no would’ve been all I needed to hear.” My eyes widen. “Oh! Then no. No, I didn’t take anything. And that stuff earlier I said about starting over with my sobriety—completely unrelated to this. I slipped up by taking other drugs. Not the ones in my house.” Dean curses under his breath. “Felix, just eat your pie and stop talking.” “I mean, I’m happy to do that.”
I’m expecting a little push back, or at least the look Dean gives me when he claims I’m responsible for his headache, but maybe he realizes it’s pointless to try and talk me out of this now that Jake and I have decided to fuck the rules and each other. God, I cannot wait to get to that second part.
“Not all tattoos hurt. Well, that’s a lie. But even if they do, it’s a good kind of pain. You’d like it.” His laughter is filled with surprise. “The fuck I would.” “We’ll see. You’re going to let me do it.” “I’ll let you do a lot of stuff to me, Felix, but sticking me repeatedly with a needle won’t be one of those things.”
And Jake… he bought me a phone and more. He got me my clothes and took care of Bella. He took care of me. Fuck. I’m going to cry all over him. I know I am.
I know he has more to say to me, because when the hell has my brother ever stayed out of my business, but before he can get on me anymore about this, the front door opens and we’re both looking toward it. Felix walks in with a large gift bag in one hand and a box of donuts in the other. He looks between CJ and me, back and forth like he’s following a conversation, with the softest look of innocence on his face. “Hello,” he says, smiling a little. “Donut?” He holds out the box.
He nods, mouth stuffed full, and closes the box before tucking it against his chest and throwing his arm around it. He drops his head to the inside of his arm and closes his eyes, and if it was anyone else cuddling up to a box of donuts, I’d probably think it was weird and say something to them about it, but it’s Felix. Nothing about this is weird.
Felix actually passed out with the donuts still tucked against his chest. He finally looks relaxed now, and maybe cozier than when he was sleeping next to me. And there’s still frosting on his lip, because of course there is. I dig my phone out of my pants and snap a picture of him, then I move the half empty box of donuts to the dresser and climb into bed.
Felix smiles like this is such an important thing to him, and I don’t understand that, but what the fuck do I care if he paints my nails. I think I’d let him do anything he wanted to me.
He walks over while stroking himself stiff and asks if there’s room for both of us, and I think I’d break a wall down just to make room, but there’s no need.
“I’m not going to fuck up again.” “That’s the biggest load of bullshit I’ve ever heard you say, junkie. You’re already putting your sobriety at risk by fucking around with him.” He glances at Felix. “And since he seems to take priority for you over everyone, including your family, it’s really just a matter of when.” “What the fuck are you talking about? What family?” “My fucking wife!”
CJ must not feel it. He doesn’t budge. “I want you gone,” he snarls. “Pack up your shit and get the fuck out of my house, brother, and I want it happening tonight.” “What?” My eyes jump between his. “Are you serious?” “Do I look serious?” “Where am I supposed to go?” I ask. “Not my problem.” He dips closer. “Do you hear that, Jake? You are no longer my problem. Do you get what I’m saying to you?”
“Did you do anything else? Tell me now. I’m worried what another surprise from you will do to me.” I’ll blurt out I think I’m in love with you. I know I will.
He stops when he’s close and holds it between us, showing off the one piece he cut for us to share. And it’s shaped like a heart. A slightly mangled, fucked up heart. The edges are jagged and broken and messy, and one side is definitely bigger than the other. There are crumbs all over the plate. But Jake did this for me, on his own, without me asking for it. I love it more than anything.
Jake settles with his head on my chest, and I run my fingers through the ends of his hair, the way he’s always doing to me, and I’d fall asleep if our positions were reversed, but I don’t ask to switch. I’m content with lying awake and never sleeping again, because I think Jake is in love with me.
I’ve never wanted anything the way I want to get high. But when I’m hunched over Felix with my dick buried in his ass, I’m not sure I can say that anymore.
“You make me feel better than any drug I’ve ever taken. And I’ve taken a lot of drugs, Felix.” “Well, have you tried heroin? Because I hear that’s pretty fucking amazing. You can ask Dean about it. He’s in the back.” I quickly fan at my face. “Are you fucking insane?” he asks. “What the fuck? Did you really just say that to me?” “I didn’t mean it! I’m nervous!”
His brows lift. “We should probably get matching tattoos or something. Too bad you’re not into that sort of thing.” My mouth drops open. And his smile right now? Knockout. I’m up out of the stool, grabbing Jake’s hand and dragging him along the counter with me to the edge, and then I’m pulling him through the room and toward my station, looking back at him to say, “You better be serious. I mean, you are. Right? Please don’t be joking with me.” “I brought it up, didn’t I?” “Yes. But you’re scared of needles.”
Jake smirks and slides his hand around my neck to tug me flush against him, and we kiss like we’re in love. Because guess what? We are. :)
We both got them in the same spot on the outer edge of our left forearms after Jake examined me for available space, and while our tattoos look the same, they can’t be. Because I wrote his we’ll be okay and he wrote mine, and today I discovered my boyfriend only writes in capital letters. That’s cute, right? But both of our tattoos are in thin black ink and the same size. A permanent promise.
They carry the mattress inside and head for the stairs, and they’re halfway up, grunting and joking around about who’s lifting higher, and I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but then I peer out the front door and notice their delivery truck backed up in front of the house with the engine still running. And I wonder if certain felonies can be overlooked. Fuck it. I drop the invoice and run.
“I’m sorry,” I rush out, whimpering through the pain I feel for what I’ve done. It’s consuming me. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t hate me, CJ. Please. I know you do, and you should, but please don’t. I’ll do anything…” And he’s openly crying now as he grabs on to the bottom of his chair and pulls it as close to the bed as he can get it without crushing his legs so he can lean over me and lay his head in my lap and wrap his strong arms around me.
“They said you’d wake up,” he shares, head turned to me and eyes unfocused. He sniffles. “They kept telling me you’d be okay, but I was so fuckin’ scared, Jake. Jesus Christ. I was so scared our last conversation was going to be me telling you all those things, those terrible things I didn’t mean. How could I—” He pauses, face pinching in agony. “Fuck. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean any of that shit. How could I say that to you?”
“Where. Is. He.” “He’s here. Jesus. Relax.” My eyes shoot toward the door. “Where?” “The waiting room, probably. You couldn’t pay that kid to leave. If he’s not in here with you, he’s camped out there. Riley said he’s made friends with all the nurses. He keeps knitting everyone shit.” God, I fucking love him.
Then my brother looks right at me. “I couldn’t live if something happens to you. And I got a lot to live for, Jake. I’m trying to build this family with Riley, but if I don’t have my brother…” He pauses, his eyes flooding with tears. “I won’t make it if you don’t. So, I need you to do this. Okay? I need you to beat this. For me, and for Felix, for Riley and what I have with her… Please, Jake. Okay? Please?”
I want Jake to wake up. I want it more than anything. But if he doesn’t, I’ll be okay. I’ll live, and I’ll be okay (eventually). For both of us.
So I cautiously ask, “What’s better than free donuts?” and try to brace myself for anything and everything. “My brother is awake and waiting for you,” CJ says, grinning now. My heart stops. It just stops. And look at that: CJ was right. I fly out of my chair so fast, and this is so much better than free donuts and every other snack food ever invented,
“I love you too. I’m not going to stop.” “It feels like you are…” It feels like you already have. “You’re my fucking soulmate, Felix, and I don’t even believe in that shit.”