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Kindle Notes & Highlights
For anyone who has ever loved an addict.
This is a love story. It’s messy complicated and kind of ugly sometimes. It’s also made of magical things like forehead kisses. It’s our tragedy. Love fucking rules, Felix <3
Aww :(
And after seven years and three tours and all the bullshit that came with that, I still didn’t want to use. I had beaten it. I was twenty-eight when I found out that I’ll never beat it. My name is Jake Tully, and I’m an addict.
Damn
“Do you have any ink?” I shake my head. His brow lifts. “Want some?” “Uh—” “Holy fuck. You can smile.” A laugh bursts out of my mouth, and I swear to God, you’d think I just made Felix’s day. He looks so proud to hear it.
Hehehe
“So, is it like, exclusively girls for you or…” I blink. What. “What?” I ask. He blushes furiously. “Uh, like, do you only date girls or no…”
Oooo
I pick up the half donut and swallow it down in two bites. “And now we’re even.” He grins so, so big. I suck chocolate frosting off my thumb. “Yay.” His laugh is nice. Yeah, I could’ve easily answered that sexuality question.
Hehe ooo
I watch as he looks straight ahead. I think he’s still smiling. And I’m a little bummed I can’t see it.
Ooooo
“You eat like you haven’t had food in days.” “More like thirty minutes. I just had three hot dogs and a twenty-piece nugget meal.” “Where the hell does it all go?” “Mostly to my dick.” I stare at him. Did he just say…
HAHA
“It’s funny. I don’t think it’s fucked up.” “You need to stop talking about large dicks.” “Because you’re imagining it…” “Yes,” I nearly shout. “Fine, okay? How can I not? You won’t shut up about it! And now I have this image in my head of some dude working out his dick with dumbbells—Sorry, ma’am. I mean, Sister. Right. Yeah, I probably shouldn’t talk like that in front of a church. Or ever. You’re right—Shit. That was so fucking awkward. Oh, you’re such an asshole. I hate you.”
HAHAH
There’s blue frosting on his lip. And I swear to God, he looks worried that I’ll call him out, like what are you doing or why do you keep staying so close to me. Maybe he’s nervous I’ll point out that he did the same thing yesterday on the sidewalk when I tried to give him some space, and I want to. I want to know why he keeps doing it. I want him to know it doesn’t really bother me, I’m just curious about his reason. I want to tell him it hasn’t always been exclusively girls for me.
Oooooo
“There’s nothing wrong with your hair, Felix. It’s cute. Okay?” I say that way too fast. I don’t have a shot at preventing it from slipping out. And I’m not sure I would’ve stopped myself from saying it anyway. “Cute?” he asks. Fuck. “I should go.” “Did you just say my hair is cute, Jake?” He’s smiling. Grinning probably. I can hear it in his voice.
Aww hehehe :)
His voice is thick. I wonder if other parts of him are.
BAHA
It suggests choosing a sponsor of the same sex (how dated) to limit the chance of sexual interest. It warns that romantic entanglements can cause unwanted complications between a sponsor and sponsee, and it’s better to avoid pairings with risk of temptation. It’s not forbidden. This isn’t a rule.
Thats what i thought
Manual labor is a great distraction when you want to pound into someone you really shouldn’t want.
Oop
So, you see? I’m fine. Nothing else is happening. No one needs to worry. I’ve got this. Keep reading to find out how much of a liar I am.
And remember what I said about Felix flirting over texts? can I drive us tonight? please? my car stopped smelling like u and it sucks so much :( No one gets to read this but me. And he’s bold, right?
Damnn
I guess it’s easier if I’m not staring into his eyes so intently, the world around us could burn and I wouldn’t even notice.
“Obvious? Both of you were asking what I was going to say back to my lady. And the whole living vicariously through me because you both can’t get any pussy. You knew I wasn’t texting a chick?” Hector grabs another slice of pizza from the center of the table. “I don’t know many chicks named Felix, Jake.” “Me either,” Miguel says. “So why were you calling him a lady in the truck?” Miguel almost looks hurt. “Jake. We don’t out people. That’s fucked.”
Awwww i love them
“We need to meet him.” Miguel makes a motion with his hand. “Invite him out. Get him here, Jake. If he’s your friend, he can be our friend too.” Hector lights up. “Yes. This threesome just became a foursome.” “A power bottom foursome,” Miguel says exuberantly. “Stop. Talking,” I grunt, but I break into laughter at how ridiculous all of this is. And I can’t deny it. “God. I really like both of you. It sucks.”
Hahahaha
“Actually, I’m single.” Felix grins at Jason, like he’s flattered, and all I can do is watch him, because what. “So, me and you could totally get out of here if you want.” My mouth drops open. Fuck. Oh, fuck. “What,” Jason grits out. He immediately looks sick. “Yeah. You got these lips and I’m just like, damn. You’d probably give a nice blow job. I’ve got half a chub just thinking about it.” Felix palms himself, and I nearly choke on my tongue. “Come on. Let me fuck your face a little. You’ll like it.”
HAHAHA
“Can you say it? Please?” Can I say it? Yes. I so very easily can. “He touched you. Nobody touches you.”
YESSSS
“The only reason I haven’t fucked you yet is because you’re my sponsor.”
AHHHH
Remember that whole bit about restraint and all that control I had minutes ago? Ha. My hands cup his smooth face and tilt it up as I move in, bringing his mouth right where I want it. And I know Felix isn’t expecting this because he gasps just as our lips brush. Lips parting just enough for me to lick my way inside. Fuck me. Of course it’s this good.
“I’m close already,” he says. “Think I can beat you?” Bet. Fuck it.
AHH
“I want to fuck you so bad right now,” Felix says, his voice more breath than sound. “I wish we could.” “Me too.” “Say it. Can you say it?” “You have no idea how much I want to fuck you, Felix. It’s all I think about.” “Jake.” “I’ve never fucked a guy before.” “Oh my god, really? Oh, god, my dick. Oh, fuck. Fuckkk. I’m coming, Jake. Oh, fuck. I’m coming.”
“Everything is stacked against us,” I say. “We’d be a tragedy, Felix. This wouldn’t work.” His smile is confusing. “You don’t agree?” I ask, and how fucked up is it that I actually hope he doesn’t. “No. I agree.” He steps closer and presses one (last) kiss to my mouth. “I just know that wouldn’t stop me.”
OMG
In my defense, I didn’t pick out the names of our children until after I had Jake’s tongue in my mouth and I knew he was into me. So, it’s not that weird.
Ah yes
Jake pulls out his phone, and I watch him out of the corner of my eye until he clicks on the selfie, enlarging my face on the screen, and then I’m fully fixated on everything Jake is doing which is why I nearly choke when he saves the image to a photo album he’s labeled with my name. He saves my selfies. Every single one of them. He has an entire photo album dedicated to ME. Holy fucking fuck. Ah, god. I like that way too much.
Awwww
“Do you want to take the hoodie off now?” “Yeah.” I peel it off so fast, I’m almost dizzy. “God. I was dying.” “It wasn’t that hot in there, was it?” No. It was you. Saving my selfies to a separate album. Sending me old school heart emojis. You know, basically just wrecking me.
Bella bats her paws at his face, and Jake smiles like he adores her. And if anyone ever asks me, I’ve never been jealous of an animal. Not once. “I wish you’d look at me like that,” I mumble. “What?” His head lifts.
Hahaha
I keep my eyes on the screen. “It makes me feel good. I like the contact. Oh. They’ve added some new stuff on here. Lots of choices. See anything you like?” “Yeah.” “Which one?” I turn my head when he doesn’t answer and holy fuck, he’s looking right at me and smirking while he chews.
AHHHHHH
his pinkie finger is also touching my thigh. Just barely, but it’s enough. And he keeps moving it side to side, lightly rubbing the same spot on my jeans over and over, but he won’t look at me or smile at the TV or anything, so I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it. And I just want to tell him to either put his entire hand on me or stop, but I also never want to speak again and just let this continue happening forever.
I decide yes, Felix, he does want to sleep over! Jake just needs some encouragement. A little push to make this decision. And I am just the man for the job. (Blow or otherwise. Haha.)
“Uh. But like, the two other beds are good too. And I think the couch is comfy. I’ve never actually slept on it, but it feels good to sit on. Plus, I can make us breakfast in the morning. I think I’m good at that.” The corner of his mouth lifts. “I like breakfast.” Fuck yes, he does. FUCK YES HE DOES.
“Do you need anything? PJs? An extra blanket?” Your dick sucked? Felix!
HAHA
tomorrow we can bang if you want I nearly drop the phone on my face. ***hang I meant we can hang shit hahahahahaha u said bang u wanna bang me shut up sure we can bang tmrw :) we can bang the next day 2 if u want you’re not gonna let this go r u no fucking way good night felix good night bang buddy! I bury my face in the pillow and smile.
Hahahaha
I like him. Who he is and how he acts. I like him enough to change my plans last minute. I’d like him even if we never fuck. And that… could be a problem.
“I don’t know. We survived a hug without tearing each other’s clothes off.” He looks at me skeptically. “Just because we’re at a cemetery and I just got done talking to my dead mom. Change the location and I would’ve been bent over the hood.” Heat rushes to my groin.
Haha
But I’ve always been really good at folding under pressure and doing the one thing I shouldn’t be doing. Like oversharing. “I thought about you when I jerked off this morning.” I close my eyes. Oops. “What is wrong with you?” Felix asks. “Sorry.” “You suck at this. I’m really glad you told me that, but you suck at this, Jake.” “Maybe you should change the subject then.”
HAHAHA
“I’m scared of needles.” “No.” He sounds horrified. “Yep.” “But… I wanted to give you your first tattoo. I’ve already picked the placement and everything.” “Notice how I never agreed to that?” My brow furrows, and I look over at him. “Wait. You picked the placement? Where?” “Um.” He scrapes his teeth across his bottom lip. “Maybe we should change the subject again.” Oh, fuck that. He brought it up. I sit forward a little. “Where, Felix?” “It’s not important.” “Where.” “Your dick.”
HAHA
“Okay. This morning wasn’t the first time I’ve jerked off thinking about you. In fact, I’ve—” “Felix was here,” he blurts out. I squint at his profile. “Huh?” “Felix. Was. Here,” he repeats. “That’s what I would tattoo on your dick. Because, well, I plan on being there. More than once.” He sighs heavily. “Fuck.” “Jesus.”
OOP
“You can ride me all you want, but you’re never tattooing me. At least, not there.” Felix audibly swallows while staring at my mouth, and tells me in his surest voice, “That works for me.” “Good. I’m glad you’re okay with that.” “More than okay.” “Great. Me too.” “Awesome.”
“Are you sure? It could be a bear.” “I don’t think a bear would leave food to check out your bedroom.” “Unless he’s tired.” I feel myself fighting a smile. “You’re really cute when you’re scared.” “Thanks? I’d rather not be scared though. Or eaten.” “It’s not a bear.”
“What is it?” “It’s a homeless guy.” I scowl at the lifeless, snoring drifter, breathing out of my mouth when I get a good whiff of him. “What.” Felix quickly rushes in. “Oh fuck. It’s my dad.” My head whips right. “This is your dad?” Oh shit. “Yeah.” Felix covers his nose and mouth with his shirt. “Smells like him.”
HA
I look up before I run straight into the kitchen table that’s covered in chewed-up food, and beside the empty jug of OJ there’s a dusty baggie of white and a single blue pill, and next to it— a line of coke cut just for me.
Oh no
The only way I react to that is by scooting closer until our sides are touching now. Shoulders, arms, thighs, lower legs, feet. I press up against Felix in every way I can while still sitting next to him. He told me he likes contact. And now, so do I.
Awwww
“No. It’s a rule or whatever.” “Oh, fuck the rules. Jesus. You gotta know I don’t give a shit about rules at this point, Felix. I just had my tongue inside your mouth again. And if holding your hand like you’re my boyfriend wasn’t a hint; I’ll spell it out for you—I want you to be my boyfriend.”
Damnnn
“If I had to knock your smartass out, I would’ve done it. I would’ve kept you out, Jake. Tackled you. Fucking dragged you. Whatever I needed to do. Even if it meant swallowing every fucking pill in that house—I’d do it so you couldn’t.” I lean in until our noses almost touch. “And that’s why it needs to be you.”
Aw not a good idea but aw
“Can we go back to doing that and talk about how you want me to be your boyfriend? Like, could you say it again? I was so focused on the sponsor stuff I didn’t really get to enjoy hearing you say that.” I brush my fingers against his. “I’m sick of rules, Felix. It sucks trying to stay sober when you can’t even fuck who you want to fuck.” “More romance please. I’m not an object.” I burst out laughing. “I’m getting to the romance, baby.” His cheeks burn instantly. “Was it the baby?” I tease, running my nose along his. “Do you like that?” “Yeah. It was hot.” “So be my boyfriend, and I’ll call you
...more
Awww AHHHH like not a good idea but still
B Is For Boyfriend (And Butt-Fucking) (Sorry. Please Keep Reading)
Omg lmao
