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“I’m not a nice man, Cecily. I won’t pretend otherwise, or I’d be doing you and myself a disservice. What I am, however, is someone who’ll slaughter your demons one by one until you’re finally free of them. I’ll touch your scars until you normalize them and can live with them, because they’re part of what makes you who you are.” Holy…
together, and he’s like my brother.” “You have an awful lot of non-biologically related brothers. Your heart is so big to fit all of these people.”
“I fell for the idea of him, not his true self. I doubt anyone has actually seen what his true nature is like. I realize that now that I know…” what falling for someone is like.
REALLL
One second. Two. Three… “Fine. I promise.” I squeal and kiss him on the cheek. It’s so natural that both of us pause afterward. “Thank you,” I whisper awkwardly. “Don’t thank me yet. If he hurt my sister, I’ll chop his head off.” I’m sure Creigh wouldn’t.
He’s a beast, but he’s the beast who breathes life into me. He’s the beast who’d slaughter the world to pieces just to protect me from it. He’s my beast. I just have no idea what I am to him.
the water. Little does she know that I’m the worst monster in her life. She might be starting to understand me and get used to me, but I always have this feeling that I’ll fuck it up in some way. Maybe I’ll do something that will make her hate me, become insufferable about it, and then everything will go to hell.
“Did you see me back then?” “I have always seen you.”
“Can’t you understand my perspective? This is new to me, like I’m sure it’s new to you. Would you take me to see your parents?” “Tomorrow if you like.” Awe and surprise mix and clash on her face. “You…would?” “I don’t see why not.” “But aren’t you supposed to
“As I said, you’re not my dirty little secret. I’m not embarrassed of you, which can’t be said about you.”
the scene intently while his unhinged cousin circles us with the aura of a lion. “What do we have here? I placed a bet and called the guards liars when they said you brought a girl—who isn’t your sister—over. Looks like I lost a few bills, but this shit is worth it. I say, why her, Jer? You said she was dull and more boring than a nun.” This motherfucker.
approaching the point of an explosion the more Nikolai keeps talking, or even existing, near her. Not getting a reply, my friend, who’ll soon lose those friendship privileges, slides closer to Cecily. “Your name is Cecilia, right?” The red has slowly disappeared from her face, but she’s turned cold both in expression and voice. “Cecily.” “Tomayto, tomahto.” He stares at her funnily. “You’re close with Lotus Flower, aren’t you? You have this whole shared love of unicorns, cakes, and saving animals.” “Lotus what?” “Brandon,” he says as if the correlation is a given.
her, because he grins. “We can exchange information. I’ll give you shit on Jeremy and you do the same about Lotus Flower.”
obessed much
Nikolai throws back one shot after the other and offers one to Cecily. She drinks some of it, wincing, then grins wide. “Wow. This is strong.” “My specialty, babe.” That’s it. I stand, not caring about how crazed I seem, and haul her up by the elbow. She’s slightly lethargic from all the drinking and sways, then lands against my chest. “We’re leaving.”
“Shut up, or he’ll look nicer in a casket.” She groans.
ahhxdhh
That motherfucker Nikolai will die in his sleep for daring to hurt her, even with words. I stroke her hair away from her forehead. “You’re not. You’re the most entertaining person I know.” “But you said I’m dull.”
attention on you.” She blushes, her drunken face becoming all red. “But we didn’t know each other back then.” “Doesn’t matter.” “If I hadn’t applied to that site, would you have found another girl to chase? Like one of the girls you dated?” “I didn’t date anyone before you.” “But Nikolai said—” “Nikolai was baiting you to get the information he wants. Don’t believe everything he says.” She grins so delicately and elegantly that I want to pause this moment and tuck it in my heart where no one but me can revisit it over and over. “What if…what if…we’d never met?” “We would’ve sooner or later.”
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Plot every decision. Not with her. She’s the only person whose company I feel free in. There’s no sense of duty nor a weight on my shoulders. There’s just me and her. Cecily Knight is the calm in a loud, chaotic world.
on my bleeding finger, her hand shaking. She’s always had this overboard reaction whenever I’m bleeding, even if it’s a minor cut. Papa, too. I think it has to do with the scars on her wrists, which is why I’ve never blamed them for being too overprotective.
“Is this about how he recently got arrested for assault and drugs?” “That was the end of it. The actual story started a long time ago.”
My voice is raw and brittle. “I was just so scared about those pictures becoming public and ruining your reputation. I was also terrified that you’d remind me that you’d never liked him and had encouraged me to leave him. It would’ve killed me if you’d blamed me for it or said I told you so.”
She wipes the tears sliding down my cheeks. “Why can’t I look at you like this? If the world refuses to see this version of you and the pain you went through, I will. All day. Every day.”
“No buts, Cecily.” She’s crying, too, as much as I am, until tears stain her cheeks. “I was a victim, too, once, and the perpetrator was the one person who should’ve been protecting me.” “Your mother?” I’ve only met her once, when she showed up at our door when I was seven, and I hated that woman at first sight. She’s a world-famous artist and had a haughty expression that rubbed me the wrong way. She spoke to Mum as if she owned her. Papa and Uncle Kirian were there, and they kicked her out. Mum cried so much that night, and she told me that my estranged grandmother reminded her of her
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“I don’t want to let him go.” “Why not?” “Because I love him.” Mum smiles and I pause at the words that left my mouth so easily, so naturally, without my even having to think about it. It’s true. I love Jeremy.
“There you have it, your answer.” Mum kisses the top of my head. “But…but what if he doesn’t love me?” “Who wouldn’t love my beautiful baby?” “The world isn’t you and Papa, Mum.”
“He fought for me. He slaughtered his demons to be with me, and that’s when I knew he didn’t only love me,
“Kim, love, where’s my grandfather’s hunting shotgun? I found some bastard on our doorstep who claims to be our daughter’s boyfriend… Oh, here it is. Be right back. I’ll shoot him and come back in time for dinner.” Mum and I pull apart to stare at each other. Holy shit. Please don’t tell me Jeremy followed me here. Most importantly, did Papa say he’s going to shoot him?
oh hell nah
“You’ll be boy dead if you don’t step away from my daughter. Now.” “That museum-looking thing isn’t even loaded,” he comments dryly.
lmao
hands. I stare at my wife, who’s smiling victoriously while holding the gun at her side. She’s more beautiful than the world and everyone in it, and there’s nothing I want to do other than hug and kiss her. Maybe
“Jeremy makes me the best version of myself. He cares about my well-being, makes sure my comfort comes before his, built me a bookshelf in his house and filled it with my mangas, and even lets me sleep on his lap. So no, I don’t want someone better.”
“Age is just a number.
thats what im sayin
The fuck is wrong with you two? It’s time to stop treating your girls like they’re nine-year-olds.
exactly
“Aw, are you jealous of a twenty-four-year-old who happens to be your daughter’s boyfriend?”
Once upon a time, she picked me as her knight, and I chose her as my queen.
back. In fact, I feel pretty and I smile, and that appears soft under my side lamp’s light. My room is the inspiration for the one on Brighton Island. Manga pages cover the walls and the ceiling, torn in places from when Papa wasn’t careful. We didn’t have outside help when we decorated my room. One weekend, Mum and Papa wore their goofy overalls, posed at the door like wannabe decorators, and said we’d do this shit. We spent the whole day rearranging and pasting pages. Mum giggled at some clichéd scenes and said I take loving romance stories after her. Papa frowned
“Hey, Jeremy.” “Hmm?” “Thank you.” “For what?” “For getting me out of my comfort zone. I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t pushed me at first.” He smiles, and I really need him to stop doing things that can endanger the well-being of my heart. “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
“No one will hurt you anymore, Cecily. You have my word.” But the beautiful dream slowly transforms
still don’t trust you to treat my Cecy right.” “That’s where you’re wrong. She’s my Cecy. Not yours.” The table grows silent as Ava
“I’ve known her since we were like babies, and she’s been my bestie for two decades. That makes her my Cecy. Discussion closed.” “Don’t you have a lot of besties?” I taunt her with the information I’ve gathered about her. “In fact, you might call that bartender you met today a bestie, so your sense of that word is skewed and doesn’t count in this argument.”
“You mean the one who takes care of your problems and tucks you into bed when you’re drunk,” I say. “That won’t be happening going forward.” Ava’s expression falls downward. “That’s not all. We…go to places together, and have a lot of sleepovers, and we talk and…and…she’s the only person who gets me.” “Sounds toxic. You’re too dependent on her and offer nothing in return.” “That’s not true. Also, I came first and know more about her than you.” “Doubt it.” “Then do you know her middle name?” Ava’s voice has turned defensive, realizing that she’s losing. A decent person would’ve backed off, but
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Cecily off before she can reply and continue focusing on her friend. “Why don’t you admit you feed off her and offer little to nothing in return?” Moisture rims Ava’s eyes and she stares at Cecily, but then she lowers her head without saying anything and slurps from her drink. “Jeremy!” Cecily mutters under her breath. “If you make her cry, I’ll spend the night in the dorm. Think of that before you say anything else.”
Still counts. Nikolai You know what is also counting? The remainder of your days.
Brandon included, and send it to the group chat.
I’m not your fucking dog, motherfucker. Also, I just found out where that place is. Prepare to meet your maker in fifteen.
materializes in front of me. Fear. She’s scared of me. We’re back to square one, where she counts her breaths and words around me. Where she doesn’t trust me. And it’s all because of this motherfucker—
“Are you cheating on me, Cecily?” “What? No! You think I would have the mind to entertain being with anyone else after you came into my life?” That should appease the frigidness
“Jeremy…” Her voice softens, becoming gentle. “You need to let go of your illogical fixation that something is going on between me and Landon. There never was and never will be. I…I love you. Not him. You.” A muscle tics in my jaw. “Is that what
“Jeremy…” “Run!” I roar. She flinches, looks at me as if I were a manifestation of her nightmares, her eyes blurred out with tears, then she turns around and runs. This time, I don’t follow. This time, I do what I should’ve done that first time. I let her go.
“Cecily told me that. She also told me not to blame Mom, because if she’d had the choice, she wouldn’t have become a ghost. And she loved us enough to fight her demons and return to us.” Huh. I think I like this girl. “Is that why you’ve been calling your mother so often lately?” He nods. “I learned to let go. To see Mom as the best version of herself instead of that horrible version from when I was a kid.” I pat his shoulder twice before releasing him. “I’m proud of you, son.” “I’m not.” “Why not?” “I don’t like myself right now. I should be trying to get over her, but here I am being her
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This is the second time this has happened. The first was back at that hotel. I’m a bit out of sorts, but not enough to ignore the red flags the second time around. Yes, I’m probably overthinking it, but it’s better to be safe than sorry. It takes some effort to plaster a smile on my face. “I’m going to call an Uber. Thanks for this.” “You should drink.” His voice drops and has an uncomfortable edge. “You look dehydrated.”
bitcj
My spine jerks upright at the tone of his voice. It’s like that night. Like Jonah’s. Was it only Jonah? I don’t think about it as I run. I don’t care if I’m being paranoid or if everything seems surreal. Everything will be okay as long as I get out of here.
