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“You. Didn’t. Know.” I enunciate every word. “Don’t blame yourself for something you can’t control. That’s where vicious ghosts lurk.”
skin. “I haven’t been able to sleep properly in months, because I didn’t feel safe, but if you’re here, I’ll be able to.”
cared.” Were. Her feelings for him are a ‘were.’ She’s glad it wasn’t him who made the fantasy come true, which means she’s glad it’s me. Well, she didn’t say it like that exactly, but I choose to believe that.
“Sometimes.” Sometimes is enough. For now. I was so intent on leaving earlier, but instead, I do something I’ve never done before. I stay.
I’m going out with friends and I won’t be coming tonight. So you can have whatever dinner you want. Come over after you’re done. No. I wasn’t asking, Cecily. And I wasn’t stuttering, Jeremy. I’m having a night off. Then I turn off my phone, my blood boiling. Screw that arsehole. It’s time he gets a taste of his own medicine.
And neither is peopling.
Real
Cecily. Those exact words stumble in my brain, crashing and clawing until I’m unable to breathe. He said them to me when we first started dating. No, this can’t be. I’m imagining things, right?
moving. I can’t move. Larry’s clutching my hip now, his touch burning the material of my dress and branding itself on my skin. I don’t want him to touch me, but I can’t stop him. Hell, I can’t even breathe properly. The state of helplessness rushes to the surface, bubbling with nausea and terrorizing fear. Just when I think I’m going to be sick, a large hand grips Steven’s shoulder. A masculine, veiny, very familiar hand. In a flash, Steven is wrenched back so powerfully that he nearly knocks out a few other people with him. I swear my heart flutters when I see exactly who’s in front of me. My
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DADDYSS HOMEEE
“I said.” Jeremy towers over him. “Fuck. Off. Touch her again and a bleeding nose will be the least of your worries.”
“I’m not your property, Jeremy. I’m a person.” “My person,”
“Does that mean you trust me?” She looks at me with big green eyes so full of hope and renewed affection. No, she wants my affection. She wants more from me. Me.
“Why not fully?” Because you called that motherfucker’s name during that first time.
arms. “What did that blond fucker do that caused you to zone out?” She blinks at the jarring change of subject. “He didn’t do anything, but he said something too similar to what Jonah said when we first got together.” “Who’s Jonah?” I ask, even though I know exactly who the fucker is. “My scum of an ex,” she snarls at the mere mention of him. That’s my girl. “Was it too similar?” I ask. “It was actually word for word.” She shudders. “It was creepy as hell.”
I’ll wait for her to fall asleep and then I’ll find out exactly why the blond fucker and his friend approached Cecily tonight.
“That girl you touched belongs to me, and do you know what I do to people who look at, let alone hurt, what’s mine? I make them wish for death.”
for daring to come near Cecily and having the audacity to touch her, and I will make sure it hurts. I’ll also leave a scar so you’ll remember me. Then you’ll remove yourselves from her life. If I spot you within a ten-mile radius of her, I will fucking kill you and dump you so deep in the sea, no one will find your corpse.”
Then I singlehandedly beat the fuck out of the three of them, but Steven is different. Steven also gets to be waterboarded to within an inch of his life while he bleeds all over the apartment and shits himself. Steven will remain on my radar after he’s healthy, so I’ll beat the fuck out of him all over again. He’ll live in fear, looking over his shoulder, under his bed, and in the closet, searching for the devil from his scariest nightmares. It takes longer than I’d initially planned for us to leave their place. Partly because I enjoyed bloodying them the fuck up a bit too much.
Morning. Thanks for these I spend a full minute of intense staring at the sparkling heart but still can’t find an explanation for it. One thing’s for sure, I like it, and it caught me completely by fucking surprise since it’s the first time she’s sent one. Then I notice that she attached a picture of a box of waffles I had delivered to her apartment earlier. How did you know I love waffles?
It’s in her stupid journal. I think they’re her comfort food whenever she wants to feel better. I thought she might need a pick-me-up after last night.
mentality and think everything is nonnegotiable. But don’t even think I’ll sit there and take it. That’s simply not going to happen. Anyway, thanks for the waffles. Ava and I will enjoy them. I sent them to you, not Ava. Sharing is caring. I don’t share. Everything about you is mine. Besides, I don’t like the way Ava was all over her when they danced at the club. Or how Cecily takes care of her with nauseating affection. Something she doesn’t even do with me. I’m so tempted to eliminate Ava completely, but that might make me lose Cecily for good. So I shove that thought to the back of my mind.
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“What does a sparkling heart emoji mean?” Ilya stares at me for a beat, looking stunned for the first time ever, before he focuses back on the road. “Uh, don’t all the heart emojis mean love and affection?”
HELPP
“But it has sparkles around it. They should mean something else.” “I’m not sure.”
“Who got you smiling like that?”
YO who got you smiling like that? ou and i ahh book
Besides, Jeremy definitely didn’t look at you like he was winging it.” “You were so drunk that you fell asleep. You have no idea what expression either of us wore.” “I do too! I can’t mistake something like that. He looked at you like he…” she trails off, seemingly at a loss for the right word before she snaps her fingers. “Like he can’t get enough of you and wants more, more, and everything.”
You’ll learn to. Didn’t you ask for more of me? This is me, Cecily. I feel not an ounce of remorse for those fuckers. If anything, I’d do it again and again, until death transforms from dread to a luxury. I’ll torture them until they can’t recognize their own images in the mirror, and I’ll do it often, repeatedly, and with gradual brutality, until there’s nothing left of them.
“What the fuck did I say about tuning out the outside world? Next time, when you cross the road, you look first. Is that understood?”
“Screw you,” I let out in a charged tone, surprised at the emotions that choke my voice. “You don’t disappear for two weeks, then start ordering me around. Who the hell do you think you are, Jeremy? My owner? My keeper? Am I a toy on your shelf that you believe you can grab when you’re bored? Because I’m not. I try to be strong, but I get hurt, and I feel pain, lots of it. So if you’re going to disappear, do it for good. Stop playing with my feelings!”
“You have feelings for me?” he speaks in an unaffected tone, one that’s filled with so much apathy, my spine jerks upright.
don’t feel. “If you don’t, why would you ask me not to play with them? Are you a liar, Cecily?” His chest rises and falls as if in dissatisfaction, in anger.
As if we’re back to square one. “And yet, you dropped Annika off your list so easily. You know exactly how lonely she is, how ecstatic she was to make friends. I don’t give a fuck if anyone else removes her from their lives as if she were never there, but you, you’re a fucking liar, Cecily.”
okay period sister before hoes
“But you are. Didn’t you refuse to do what you craved because it’s frowned upon by others? Didn’t you cry when I said I’d tell them about your tendencies? You’re nothing but a heartless, cowardly liar. Did you say I was playing with your feelings? Good. That way, I can crush them.” He brushes past me. “I have no use for someone who’s disloyal.” Then he leaves. Without a look back. As if he didn’t just smash my heart to pieces and leave me to flounder in its blood.
“Jonah…drugged me until I couldn’t move, but he made sure I was still aware of my surroundings so I’d feel it when he tried to assault me. The only thing that stopped him was his revulsion when I threw up all over him.”
oh my baby
Turns out, the exact opposite happened. That night devoured my spirit and consumed my life. It wasn’t until Ava mentioned it the other time that I realized how much I changed after that incident. Yes, I was always an introvert, but it was only after that trauma that I closed in on myself. I quit wearing dresses and skirts and switched to jeans and sarcastic T-shirts because that could help drive attention away. Baggy, unflattering clothes. Just anything that didn’t make me as pretty as that night.
film. “It’s because of that. I also have severe sleep paralysis that’s an imitation of that night. I feel everything around me, but I can’t move. I scream for help, but no one can hear me. Before you ask, I couldn’t report him, because he had nude pictures of me that he would’ve made public and sent to Papa. He would have used them to ruin my grandparents' political and diplomatic reputations. My mum’s career. Everything. I just… I just didn’t want them to see me like that.”
Ava pulls back, her eyes red, face a mess of tears and snot. A look she hasn’t allowed anyone to see since she was a kid. “I understand why you couldn’t or didn’t want to tell us, but if we had known, I would’ve killed that fucker with my bare hands.”
“We’ve been together since we were in nappies, Ces. We’re sisters from different misters, meaning we’re there for each other for better or worse.”
“We had a thing,” I tell her. “I’m not sure what that thing was, but he was the first person who noticed something wrong behind my zoning out and forced me to tell him about the Jonah thing.” He was also the first person who gave me courage not only to pursue my fantasy, but also to not be ashamed of it. He opened my heart, my world, and made me feel pretty again. I liked wearing some skirts, shorts, and revealing stuff when we were alone, because he looked at me like I was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
sobbing
“He felt that I was being disloyal for cutting ties with Anni. He said he wouldn’t have been surprised if it were anyone else, but coming from me was the worst since I usually care about everyone.”
If I can do it, sure. Help me meet with Annika in the States. My fingers pause. Are you sure that’s a good idea? Her father, brother, and all their guards might kill you on sight.
“I honestly don’t know what I liked about you.” A Cheshire cat grin lifts his lips. “Oh? Is this a confession?” “No, this is me calling myself daft. I think I liked the idea of you, but when I got close, I realized you’re like your statues. Gorgeous on the outside.” I tap his chest twice. “Empty on the inside.” “Did you say gorgeous?” I shake my head. “Just leave, Lan. I have some work to finish up.” “Not so fast.” He blocks my path, seeming to have gained height as he stares down his nose at me. “See, I know you swapped me for Jeremy, and while I’m wounded in my little black heart, I let it
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have you been living, Cecily? The guy stalks you like a creep and actually smiles while he does it—honest to fucking God thought he didn’t know how. He’s also developed some bizarre fetish about removing anyone who poses an obstacle to you. That teacher who was giving preferential treatment to his friend’s kid? Jeremy was the reason he asked to transfer. Those American football players who stole and slashed your textbooks? Jeremy eliminated them. Those guys at the club who danced with you? Jeremy beat them the fuck up and put one in a coma. Oh, and news fucking flash, he tortured Jonah to near
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“I need you with him, Ces. I’m not asking.” And then he grabs me by the cheek. I know where this is going, what he’s planning, and I want to stop him, but my reaction is delayed. His lips are reaching for mine, and I try to push at his chest, but before I can do that, Lan is shoved off me. Not by one set of hands, but two.
Jeremy punches Landon in the face, and when he falls to the ground, a very angry, very beautiful blond stares down at him with a murderous expression. Then she kicks him in the nuts. With her giant boot.
PERIODDD
“Necrophilia. Yum.” He grins with a suggestive lick of his lips. Mia lifts her leg to kick his crotch again, but he blocks her with a hand on her head, effectively immobilizing her in place. “Jesus fucking Christ, calm down, and stop acting like
struggle and exert herself for nothing. “How does it feel to be the second choice to me? In fact, you wouldn't have even been on her list if you hadn't stalked her.” Jeremy strides over to him, but I jump between them. I know precisely what Landon is doing by making him jealous. He wants Jeremy to be with me again, but I won’t stand by and watch him claim ownership he doesn’t have. I stare at Jeremy, even as my heart beats in my throat. “Stop it.” “Step away.” “I said, stop it.” “And I said to step the fuck away.” My whole body shivers at the lash of his words. I haven’t heard the gruff timbre
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hospital, shipped my professor to another country, and even dealt with Jonah? Because I’m yours? An extension of your stupid ego and a projection of your twisted desires?” “I did all that because no one gets to hurt you.”
With Cecily, she is the need. It’s not about fucking, owning, or release. It’s about her and her intoxicating scent. It’s about how she melts in my
out?” I nod. “Do you know a lot of people like me?” “Only one.” I remain silent as she stares at me with her inquisitive eyes, but I don’t look at her. I can’t. Not right now. “My mom.” “What happened to her?” Her voice is softer than the silence, even as it disturbs it, stabs it, and refuses to leave its wound alone. “What makes you think something happened?” “Something always happens in these situations. People deal with trauma differently. Some internalize it, others express it, but the fact remains that the scars will always be there.” “So you admit to having scars.”
“When I was young, she often struggled mentally. Sometimes, she’d be the best mother alive—dance with me, play with me, dress me up, and even teach me things. Other times, she’d become a ghost. It wasn’t temporary, it didn’t last a few minutes or hours. It went on for days on end. She’d look at me and see straight through me. I’d call her and she wouldn’t hear me. She’d speak, but no words would come out. It was like she was trapped
The parts that make up for it, though, are when he built me shelves in the cottage and continued to stuff them with mangas. Or when he listens to me talking nonstop about them without being bothered. Unless I actually call a character hot or cute, then he definitely starts questioning if maybe he should get rid of them. Jealous of a fictional character, check
