Fighting for Us (Bailey Brothers, #2)

by Claire Kingsley

He didn’t lead me back to my cell. I decided I didn’t care. They could discipline me all they wanted. Throw me in the hole again if that was what they thought would break me. Solitary was brutal, but they couldn’t do more damage than had already been done. I was already broken.

“I have some news.” I stiffened, my eyes lifting to meet his. A jolt of fear shot through me like lightning, and a sick feeling spread through my gut. Something horrible must have happened. Fuck. Please not Gram. “Is it my family?” “No. It’s not bad news. In fact, I think you’re going to find it unexpectedly good.” My brow furrowed. I had no idea what he was talking about. “You’re going home, Bailey. I just received an order for your immediate release.”

With a deep breath, I walked through the gate. Still no sirens. It immediately began rumbling shut behind me. They were really letting me go. The doors of a dark blue SUV flew open and four men poured out. I stared at them, dumbfounded. I’d thought one of them would pick me up, not all four. Relief slammed into me, so potent I almost couldn’t breathe. They swarmed around me, and someone took the stuff out of my hands. My brothers. They were here. I hadn’t seen any of them in so long.

I’d lost literally everything good in my life—everything worth living for. Reminders of home sliced me open, like I was walking on broken glass. If I’d spent every day bleeding, I would have been ripped to shreds. So I’d limited contact with the outside world. I’d known I’d pay a price for it later, but the longer I spent there, the harder my resolve had grown. Because I wasn’t just protecting myself—doing what I had to do to survive. I was protecting them. I didn’t want them to see who I’d become. I didn’t want them to have to know.

I paused for a moment, looking out the window. The real elephant in the vehicle wasn’t my busted face. It was the seven-year chasm that separated me from these guys. I’d had minimal contact with Gram during my prison term, but no one else. Not even them. “Look, I know you guys haven’t heard from me since I got locked up.” “Don’t sweat it, man, we get it,” Logan said. “You do?” “I was pretty pissed at first when Gram told us we couldn’t go see you. But I’ll never forget what she said. Do you guys remember that?” Levi nodded. “She said sometimes when a man goes to war, he has to make himself forget the people he leaves behind. It’s the only way he can become the warrior he needs to be to survive.” Damn. Gram always seemed to have a way of getting straight to the heart of things. “Yeah. That’s exactly it.” “The good news is, you can put down your weapons,” Logan said. “War’s over.”

“Did anyone get a hold of Grace yet?” Gavin asked. I whipped around and practically snarled at him. “Don’t.” “What?” “Don’t fucking talk about her. Don’t even say her name.” Gavin’s eyes widened and he lifted his hands, palms out. “Sorry.” I didn’t miss the look Evan and Logan shared, but I ignored them.

Of all the things I wasn’t ready for, hearing about her was the biggest. I’d have to face the truth eventually, but not today. Any day but today. I was already a loose cannon, and just the sound of her name was enough to make me lose my shit. I couldn’t. Not yet. I’d lost my freedom, my career aspirations, my time, even my dignity. But none of that compared to the pain of losing her. Not even close. I’d loved her with everything I had, and I’d never get that back.

“Oh my god, what am I doing?” I stepped forward, ready to throw my arms around his neck. But he held a hand out to stop me. “Don’t.” I flinched backward like he’d slapped me. “What?” “I can’t.” “You can’t what?” “I can’t do this yet.” “You can’t do what? I don’t understand.”

“You need to go.” “You can’t be serious. Asher—” “Please,” he said through gritted teeth. He closed his eyes like he was in pain. “Please go.” Memories of the last time we’d spoken came rushing back. When he’d said it was over. When he’d told me I had to let him go. He was home, and he wanted me to leave? Sadness and anger warred to be the first to rip free from my chest, and the resulting struggle choked off my reply. Feeling like the world had just flipped upside down, I turned around and walked out.

“Sometimes what we need is a place to fall apart. A place where we know our pieces will be safe while we work on putting them back together.” She patted my leg. “You’re safe here, Bear.”

I needed more time before finding out the truth about Grace. Time to prepare myself to hear about her life. She was so fucking beautiful. It had hurt to look at her. I wasn’t ready to talk about her, and yet I couldn’t stop myself from asking—from continuing the conversation. “Why would she do that?” “I suppose it brought her a little comfort. Made her feel like she was still connected to you. It wasn’t an easy thing for any of us to live through.” “Gram, I’m so sorry—” “Don’t you dare.” She cut me off, and her voice had an edge to it. “Sending you away was wrong, plain and simple. There was no justice in it. So I don’t want to hear you apologize to me or anyone in this family. Not for that.”

Asher was home. I had so many questions, I didn’t know where to begin. How had this happened? Why had no one told me? Most importantly, why was I here, feeling like shit by myself, when Asher was less than a mile away? He’d said he couldn’t do this yet. Couldn’t do what? See me? Why? There was something very wrong about the fact that he was home and I wasn’t currently wrapped around him like a pretzel.

Logan pulled out the chair next to me and plopped down, setting his beer on the table. “That seat’s taken,” Cara said. Logan scowled at her, then shifted so he was facing me. “Has Evan talked to you yet? He said he was going to call.” “I saw Asher.” He held my gaze for a second, nodding slowly, as if he could guess how it had gone. “Well, shit.”

Logan winced. “What did Ash say to you?” “Very little, and none of it good.” “Damn it. I’m sorry, Grace. He’s pretty messed up. I think the whole thing caught him off guard and he’s not dealing with it very well.” “What happened? How did he get out early? I didn’t think that was even a possibility.” “None of us did, even him. But get this. You aren’t the only one that scum-bucket attacked. Apparently he assaulted a girl before you, and she happens to be the new governor’s niece. I wish I knew how it all went down, but the bottom line is, the governor found out about Asher somehow and I guess he said fuck that, and told them to let Asher out.”

Did he say anything about not wanting to see me?” “He wouldn’t even let us talk about you. Gavin asked if we’d called you yet and Ash looked like he wanted to break him in half.” “Okay, that’s it,” Cara said. “Where is he right now, because I’m going to go talk to this guy and—” “Cara.” I reached across the table and put my hand on hers. “Retract the claws, honey.” “No, this is fucked up.” “Stay out of it,” Logan said.

“I wouldn’t fuck you if you were the last dick in a ten-thousand-mile radius.” He put his forearm on the table and leaned toward her. “That’s okay. Gram always says don’t stick your dick in crazy.” I smacked Logan’s arm. “Gram never said that.” “Not in so many words, but the message was there.”

“You didn’t know I bought the house?” Damn it, what was I thinking? Her letters. She would have told me in one of her letters. God, how was I going to explain this? “No, I didn’t.” “Did they hold your mail, or…” “No. I got your letters. I just haven’t read them yet.” Her lips parted and the hurt in her eyes was like a knife to the chest. “You didn’t read my letters? Any of them?” “Look, I know how awful that sounds.” “Yeah, it’s pretty bad. Why?” “It’s hard to explain. Prison was a fucking nightmare and staying connected to the outside world didn’t help. It made it worse. I was just doing what I had to do to get through it.”

“Wow. I feel like such an idiot. I had all these stupid daydreams about you reading my letters and thinking of me, and it never happened. God, I wasn’t even close.” “Grace, I’m sorry.” She got up and wandered over to the window. “You know, I didn’t want to have it out with you right off the bat, but apparently Cara was right. You get home, and the first thing we’re going to do is fight.” “Cara?” “My best friend.” “Oh.” “I want to understand. I really, really do. I’ve spent seven years defending you, insisting there’s a reason you cut yourself off from everyone you love. I get the survival thing. I can’t even imagine what it was like in there, and I don’t want to minimize that. But you gave me nothing. You walked out of that courtroom without looking back and then, nothing.” “I know, I—” “No, you don’t know. And neither do I. Neither of us have a clue about each other right now. Because you cut me out of your life without giving me a say in it.”

“You were never alone, Asher. I know I wasn’t there, and what you had to deal with was so much worse than me. But I had to live through it too.” I stared at her as the truth dawned on me. All this time I’d been afraid of how it would feel to find out what Grace had done with her life. Because I’d always assumed she’d taken off my ring. That she’d moved on and found someone new. Maybe gotten married and started a family. And I’d never quite known what would be worse—to find out she had or find out she hadn’t. Forcing my gaze down, I looked at her hands. She wore several rings—left thumb, right index finger, both ring fingers. But the one on the ring finger of her left hand… “You’re still wearing my ring.” She lifted her hand, extending her fingers, and looked down at the ring. Her eyes flicked up to meet mine, her gaze fierce. “Yes.”

I appreciated the notes of support, but Grace’s letters were the ones that held me captive, twisting the knife of loss and guilt in my chest. She’d written to me frequently in the first year. After that, the time between her letters had gradually lengthened. I’d been aware of that, although I hadn’t allowed myself the space to contemplate what it meant. In the back of my mind, I’d assumed it was because she was busy living her life. That, and the fact that I hadn’t replied. But in those brief moments each morning, when I’d let myself think about the outside, I’d envisioned her moving forward. Happy without me. I’d desperately needed to believe in those visions. Despite what it had cost me to lose her, I’d needed to believe she was okay. But nothing had turned out the way I’d thought. And despite the way it made my chest ache, I forced myself to read through the last seven years of Grace’s life.

Maybe he’d been right, and I should have moved on. His ring still glinted on my finger. I hadn’t taken it off yet, but I wasn’t an idiot. At least, not a total idiot. It was very possible everyone who’d ever patted my arm with pity in their eyes and told me they were concerned had been right. That Asher’s silence had not been an act of self-preservation, but an attempt to drive home the fact that he and I were over. That his prison sentence had truly meant the end of us. My emotional side wanted to crumple into a ball and sob. My practical side wanted to reserve judgment until we had a conversation that didn’t end with one of us telling the other to leave. And my stubborn side? That part of me was mostly pissed off.

I stubbornly tamped down the flare of envy that tried to creep up on me. I was happy for my siblings. They all deserved every bit of their happiness, and more. But over the last few years, I’d watched them all get married and start families. And here I was, with a ring on my finger that might not mean anything. Asher and I probably would have had kids by now. And those kids would have had all these adorable cousins to grow up with.

There was a fine line between angry noises and sex noises, and he was walking it.

He glanced at me, his dark eyes intense. “Why don’t you hate me?” “For what? Breaking up with me without giving me a chance to respond, or cutting me out of your life for so long?” “Both.” I fiddled with my engagement ring. “I hate what you’ve been through and that I had to live without you for so long. And don’t get me wrong, your silence sucked. But I kind of understood. It wasn’t like it was just me—you wouldn’t talk to anyone. That took some of the sting out of it. It’s been hard, but I don’t hate you.”

“But the thing is, I’m not the guy who gave you that ring anymore. I need you to understand that.” But do you still love me? I let the question die on my lips. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to hear the answer. “Well, I’m different too.” “Yeah…” He trailed off and I wondered what that meant. What did he see when he looked at me now? “I can’t go back to being who I was, and I honestly don’t know where I’m going to end up. And I’ve seen shit, Grace. I’ve seen shit, and I’ve done shit. I don’t even want to tell you some of the things—” He stopped mid-sentence and his head dropped. I kept my gaze on the darkness, my heart lodged in my throat. I didn’t think I could reply if I tried. “I know it hurts to hear this,” he continued. “It hurts to say it. But I can’t be with you. I’m too much of a wreck.” “Asher, it’s only been a few days. Things are going to get better.”

We hadn’t said our vows—hadn’t declared in front of family and friends that we’d be true in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad. But I’d kept those vows anyway, and I didn’t regret a single second of it. Because this was love. Messy, imperfect, painful love. And I wasn’t giving up without a fight.

I wasn’t so delusional—or out of touch with my own emotions—that I could deny how I felt about her. I’d loved Grace for most of my life, and I always would. But coming home and slipping back into the life we’d started wasn’t an option. I had too many demons inside me. Violent ones. I didn’t trust myself, and I didn’t know if I ever would. But I was weak when it came to her. When I’d hugged her Tuesday night, out on the back porch, I’d almost cracked. She’d felt so good, it had taken every ounce of willpower I possessed to pull away. To stop myself from kissing her. Now she was like a flame I couldn’t resist reaching out to touch, even though I knew I was going to keep getting burned.

I couldn’t let anything happen to her. Not again. But I couldn’t stay, either. I didn’t trust myself. The moment her arms had gone around me, I’d nearly collapsed. I could still feel her. The warmth of her body in my arms, every inch pressing against me. For that brief moment, I’d almost felt calm, as if her soothing touch could chase away all my demons. She’d felt so fucking good. But I had to protect her, even if that meant protecting her from me.

“What’s going on?” “A guy showed up at Grace’s coffee shop tonight and he gave her a weird vibe. I think I might know who he is. And if I’m right, it’s not good.” “Who is he?” “A guy who was in my cell block for a while. He’s known as Reaper.” “Reaper?” Logan asked. “That sounds like a gang nickname or some shit. Why would a guy like that be out here?” “Holy shit,” Gavin said. “Did you make prison enemies? Were there gang members?” I shot him a glare. “Where the fuck do you think I was? White-collar prison with a bunch of guys in for tax evasion? Yeah there were gang members. And drug dealers, and guys doing time for assault, armed robbery, murder. Yeah, I made enemies. I got in there and I was just some fucking kid. Word got around what I was in for, and everyone wanted to test me. See if I was really tough enough to kill a guy with my bare hands, or if it was just adrenaline.” “Jesus, Asher,” Levi said under his breath.

Logan sat forward on the couch, his forearms resting on his knees. “So this Reaper guy has it in for you and you think he’s here.” I stood, fear and anger punching through me again. Was Grace still okay? “Yeah. Maybe. Grace said the guy had a lot of ink. Arms, hands, neck. She couldn’t remember what the tats looked like, but that could be him.”

“How would he know who she is?” Logan asked, then held his hands up. “Hold on, don’t jump down my throat. It’s not a dumb question. It’s not like you and Grace have been hanging out a lot since you got back.” “I don’t know. But I’m pretty sure someone’s been following me.” “Shit,” Gavin said. “Why?” Levi asked. “Have you actually seen anyone?” “You really want to get punched in the teeth, don’t you?” Gavin asked. “No, but he comes rolling in here talking about someone coming after him for revenge and I want to know how real this is. If it’s real, it’s fucked up and we need to do something about it. But this could still be a coincidence.”

“Look, it might not be him. But I think someone’s been watching me, and Grace’s description matches a guy who’d happily tear me to shreds if he could. Plus, something about him bothered her enough that she felt like she needed to call me. That means something.” “I can respect that,” Logan said. “So what do we do?” “Protect Grace.” The words came out of my mouth before I could stop them. I couldn’t help it. My first—and strongest—concern was her. Gavin shot up out of the chair. “On it.” “More clothes, Gav,” Levi said. “Good point. I don’t want to make Grace fall in love with me. That would be awkward.” Logan snorted. “You wish.”

“Shouldn’t two of us stick with Ash?” Logan asked. “If he’s the target?” “No,” I said. “You guys go to Grace’s house. Watch the outside and don’t let anyone in.”

I left my brothers while they put enough clothes on to leave the house. I trusted them, which was a weird feeling. It had been a long time since I’d really trusted anyone. But I had to. I needed to leave Grace in their hands until I figured out what the hell was going on.

“Can you be serious for a minute? Be honest with me. Do you think Asher’s right? Is he in danger?” “Here’s the way I see it,” Logan said. “I’m sure he tangled with a tatted-up dude named Reaper in prison. He said he got into it with a lot of guys in there.” “Oh my god.” “As for whether the guy you met is him—who knows? It seems crazy, but what the hell do I know? Asher said the guy creeped you out, he’s worried you’re not safe, so we crash here until we’re sure.” He shrugged, like that was all any of us needed to know.

“Okay, brotato. Rematch. Let’s do this.” He lunged and Levi widened his stance. “Stop! Not inside.” I put a hand to my forehead. “God, why do you guys make me act like I’m your mother?” Amazingly, Logan listened. He stopped and flashed me a grin. “We’re just giving you practice for when you have your own pack of Bailey cubs.” “I’m not having any Bailey cubs at this rate. In case you haven’t noticed, your brother isn’t exactly interested. And I’m certainly not having them with any of you.”

“Hey.” Gavin rubbed a few circles across my back. “Don’t worry. He’ll quit being dumb sooner or later.” “This is why, isn’t it?” I asked. “Why he keeps saying we can’t be together. He thinks he has to protect me from something.” “Well, yeah,” Logan said, dropping into a chair. “You know how he is with that protector shit. In high school he broke Josiah Haven’s arm for fucking with Evan.” “That time at the Caboose,” Levi said, his voice quiet, “he was ready to drag those two dicks outside for mouthing off to you.” “Yeah, I remember.” “And then, you know…” Gavin trailed off. I did know. And I did not want to talk about it right now. “Jesus, Gav,” Levi said. “Of course we know. You don’t have to say it.”

Cara’s mouth dropped open again. “Why didn’t anyone call me?” “Why would we call you?” Logan asked. She shifted in her chair to face him. “Because I’m her best friend and if anyone tries to hurt her, I’ll murder them, dump the body, then lead the fucking search party.” Logan glared at her. Levi went back to the kitchen to pour more coffee. “For the record, I suggested we call you.” Gavin smiled, looking smug. “I’m serious, Grace, if you need protection, I’ll get you protection,” Cara said. “One phone call and I’ll have a goddamn team surrounding this house with a sniper positioned in your attic and—” “Whoa.” I held up a hand. “Slow down. I don’t think we need to call in Special Forces.” “Technically, they’d be paramilitary contractors.”

“Do you have to work today?” “Yeah.” “I’ll go with you.” “Me too,” Gavin said. “Really?” Logan asked. “I thought you wanted in on the Reaper action.” “I do, but the girls need someone to go with them. You stay here and keep an eye on the house. Levi can catch up with Asher and Evan to give them a third.” Cara and I glanced at Gavin. Maybe we were both surprised. His plan wasn’t terrible. “I guess that might work,” Cara said slowly. “Of course it will.” Gavin flashed a wide grin. “As much as I’d love to get face to face with the scary prison guy, if you’re going to sit around the coffee shop all day, you’ll want company. And it’s not like you’re going to hang out with him.” He gestured toward Logan. “And if Reaper shows up looking for Grace again, I’m not even worried. You’ll claw at least one of his eyes out and then I can subdue him until the cops get there.” “I like it,” Cara said. “Gavin comes with us. Although I still think I should call in professionals. Can I send them with Asher? We can’t let anything happen to him.” She put a hand on her chest. “Oh my god, that’s so weird. I think I’m actually worried about him.”

I grabbed her hand and squeezed. “No contractors. At least not yet. But I appreciate the offer. And I know, I’m worried too.” Truthfully, I wasn’t just worried, I was terrified. But not for myself. I was scared for Asher.

“I’ll just level with you, Bailey. I’m here with an opportunity.” “No offense, but if it’s something that might land me in prison again, I can already tell you the answer is no.” He put his hands up in a gesture of surrender. “Hey, give a guy some credit. I’m one hundred percent legit now.” I raised my eyebrows. “I’m serious, man. I’m with you, I’m never going back.”

“Like I said, I have an opportunity for you. My brother owns a gym and they train some of the top MMA competitors in the world.” My back stiffened and my grip on my beer bottle tightened. “I saw what you could do when we were on the inside,” he continued. “You don’t just have skills, you have instincts. With the right trainer behind you, you could compete against the best. Fuck, you could crush the best.” I ground out the words. “You want me to be a fighter?” “My friend, you are a fighter. Some people are good because they have training and skill. But guys like you? They’re born with it. Granted, anyone who gets in the ring needs skill. You still have to train. But I’m telling you, there aren’t many people out there who have what you have. Some guys can fight, and some guys are fighters. You’re a fighter.”

“Look, I appreciate the offer, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.” “I get it. It means relocating and you’ve got family here.” He narrowed his eyes. “And maybe a girl?” I glanced away again. “Not exactly.” “Coffee shop girl flashed a ring at me. Was she yours once? And maybe someone else put that ring on her finger while you were gone?” “I don’t want to talk about her.” He put his hands up again. “Fair enough. But seriously, man, think about it. What are you going to do out here? What kind of job are you going to get now? I know what it’s like—I grew up in a small town, although mine was more of a shithole than this place. Still, no one looks at you the same. And this could mean huge money.” “I’m almost thirty. Aren’t I already getting too old for this?” “Not at all. A lot of fighters don’t peak until their mid-thirties. We’ve got guys still winning into their forties. You train properly, take care of yourself, you’d have a solid ten years, maybe fifteen. Things go well, that’s more than enough time to make you a shit ton of money. I’m talking set-you-up-for-life kind of money. Set your family up for life, if you want.” Take care of my family. That was the crack in my armor, and he’d just wormed his way in. Right now, I could barely afford to take care of myself. I didn’t have a plan or any other opportunities. Ever since I’d gotten out, I’d been asking myself what I was going to do with my life. This could be the answer to that question.

Maybe it would start to make up for the time I’d missed. For how I’d pushed them away. But I couldn’t ignore what else it would mean. Leaving Tilikum. Leaving my family. Leaving Grace. I took a drink, the hint of bitterness sitting on my tongue. I wanted her so badly, I ached with it. And there was a voice in my head trying to tell me that I didn’t just want her, I needed her. That she was good for me.

“I appreciate you coming out here.” I set my bottle down. “It’s a good offer. But I can’t take it.” He regarded me for a few seconds, his expression thoughtful. “Tell you what. Give it some time, see how things play out. If life here works for you, that’s great. If not…” He pulled out a business card and slid it across the table. “Call me.” I took the card, pinching it between my thumb and forefinger. “Okay. Thanks.”

And all I could think about was Grace. My defenses were whittled down to almost nothing. If she hadn’t been at work, I would have gone straight to her house, knowing what would happen if I did. Knowing I’d be powerless to resist her. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I couldn’t have her. But fuck, I couldn’t leave her, either.

But I was also off work today, and needed something to keep my mind occupied for a while. Seven years without Asher had made me an expert at creating distractions for myself.

I opened my mouth to say of course I would, but the thought of being left alone back here made a thread of anxiety uncurl in my stomach. I actually didn’t like that idea. At all. “See?” she asked. “Don’t worry, boo. I’ve got you. I’m used to it.” “Used to what?” “That you can’t go anywhere in public by yourself.” “What? Yes I can.” She raised her eyebrows. “No, you can’t. Except work. You’ve been that way since I’ve known you.”

She tilted her head, regarding me for a long moment with a bewildered expression. “You really don’t know this about yourself, do you? I always assumed you were aware of it.” “There’s nothing to be aware of, because you’re wrong.” “Grace, I’ve known you for years, and while I’m sure there are a few exceptions, I’m positive you almost never go places alone. Why do you think I always need to run errands or get groceries when you do? I’ve never run my own errands or shopped for my own groceries in my life. But I know you’re always going to need someone to go with you, so I do. Why else would I set foot in a hardware store? I cannot possibly think of a more boring place to lose an hour of my life.” I stared blankly at the microfiche screen. Oh my god. Was she right? I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gone into a store or restaurant by myself. Not unless I was meeting someone. I went to work, but otherwise, I was always with someone else—usually Cara. We went everywhere together, and I’d never really thought about it. We were close. We both needed someone. But was that really the reason?

“Oh my god, Cara, I think you’re right. I don’t know how to feel about this right now. How could I be unaware of something so unhealthy?” “Probably because of me,” she said, her voice nonchalant. “You? Why?” “You know how some people totally spoil and enable their children? That’s me. I’m people. I can’t stand the thought of you being unhappy, so I do whatever I have to do to make sure you’re not.” I swallowed back the tightness in my throat and my eyes misted with the threat of tears. “Why are you so good to me?” “Let’s be honest, good to you is debatable. A little tough love might have been better. But I just can’t. I want you to be happy. I care about maybe two people in the entire world, which I realize is kind of fucked up. But no one else has ever given me a reason.”