Fighting for Us (Bailey Brothers, #2)

by Claire Kingsley

She smiled. “Normal people spread out their love and attention, but I don’t have anyone else, so you get it all. Which I realize probably sucks for you because I have no idea how to actually love someone.” “Now that’s definitely not true.” “It really is. But I’...

“If Asher and I figure things out, that’s going to be hard for you, isn’t it?” Glancing away, she fiddled with a lock of red hair. “Yes, but I’m also okay with it, because if it’s what you want, then it’s what I want.” “You really mean that, don’t you?” “Of course I do. I’m probably a terrible friend in a thousand different ways, but I wouldn’t lie to you.” “That’s love, Cara. That’s how you really love someone. You want what’s best for them, even if it means you have to lose something.”

Jack glanced over and caught my eye. Gave me a chin tip greeting. I returned it. I liked Jack. Prison had admittedly made me predisposed to distrust authority, especially cops. But Jack seemed like good people.

She caught sight of me and the smile that lit up her face almost broke me wide open. She was sweaty and flushed, her hair falling out of her half-ponytail. Her tank top and tiny shorts showed a hell of a lot of skin, all glistening from her workout. God, she was beautiful. Sweaty, messy, and absolutely perfect.

“Why not? Are you afraid I’ll win?” I looked her up and down. “I probably have eighty pounds on you. Maybe more.” “So?” “I’d crush you.” “You think so? Since you’re so confident, how about we make it interesting?” “How?” “I bet I can make you tap out. If I win, I get what I want. If you win, you get what you want.” “What do you want?” “A date.” Fuck. I was unraveling so fast, my brain could hardly keep up. A date. Take Grace out on a date. I was supposed to be keeping my distance. Giving us both a chance to move on. But god, roll around on the mat with her? Touch all that skin? Get her sweat on my clothes? I wanted to do the right thing, but every man’s willpower has limits. I was definitely reaching mine. And it wasn’t like she could win. She’d looked good against Diego, but I was a trained fighter, and bigger than her. The risk was minimal. That’s what I was telling myself, at least. “Fine. You make me tap out, you get a date.” That sly grin of hers slid across her face again and she caught her lower lip between her teeth. “Good. Let’s do this.” “Hang on. What if I win?” She walked to the center of the mat and looked back at me. “If you want to pick something, suit yourself. But you’re not going to win, so it doesn’t matter.” “Is that so, tiger?” “Yep.”

She shoved her knee into my gut, using me as leverage to get her hips free. I grunted again, scrambling to regain control. Damn, she was fast. And slippery. Not because she was sweaty—she moved like a cat. Every time I thought I had a solid hold, she contorted out of it somehow. Suddenly, she went on the offensive. Pushing against me again, she moved her hips backward. I tried to counter, but she used my momentum against me. Her body twisted and she hooked an arm around one of my legs. Next thing I knew, my face was smashed into the mat and I was rolling onto my back. Using my surprise to her advantage, she straddled my hips, sinking her body weight onto me. She planted her palms in the center of my chest and before I could react, she twisted off, her ass landing on the mat right beside me. And she had my arm. Clamping my upper arm between her thighs, she threw herself backward, stretching it out as she went. I had no leverage in this position. I needed to turn into her so I could keep a bend in my elbow, but it was too late. Her legs pushed my upper body down while she quickly increased the pressure on my arm. Holy shit. It didn’t matter how much bigger I was. She could break my arm like this.

I didn’t give up, still trying to shift my weight and give myself some room. But she redoubled her efforts, squeezing her thighs and bending my arm in the wrong direction. It hurt like a motherfucker. I gritted my teeth, growling against the pain. And hit the mat with my other hand, tapping out. Instantly, the pressure eased. She released her thighs and let go. I stared at the ceiling for a second, breathing hard. She’d actually made me tap out.

I turned toward her. “Since when do you know how to do an arm bar?” “Since I do. I told you I’d win.” Surging forward, I shoved her onto her back and sank my weight over her hips. She wrapped her legs around me and locked her feet. I held her wrists pinned above her head, but she didn’t resist. Just fixed her blue eyes on mine. All the reasons I couldn’t have her tried to barrel through my mind. But it was so hard to pay attention to them when I had her pinned to the ground with my groin pressing against hers. My cock hardened between us. I knew she could feel it. Without breaking eye contact, she moved her hips. It was just an inch, but it was enough. That subtle rub against my dick set off a chain reaction of sensation. I pushed harder against her, making her eyelids flutter and her lips part with a soft exhale. Just that look on her face was almost enough to make me come all over myself.

“Looks like I get a date.” “That was the bet. What do you want to do?” “I’m sure you’ll figure something out. You know me. I’m not fancy.” I did know her. Seven years had changed us both—me more than her—but she was still Grace. Still the girl I’d fallen for all those years ago.

“How about tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at six?” Her lips twitched in a seductive smile and her eyes flicked down to my groin, then back again. “Perfect. See you then.” Fuck, she was going to kill me. Letting out a breath, I glanced at Cara. She gave me a quick wink, like she approved. Then she followed Grace toward the locker room. I stepped off the mat and grabbed my shoes, feeling oddly calm. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt so even. Like my mood wasn’t in danger of crashing. I was turned on as hell, the pressure in my groin annoyingly strong. But there were people all around me and my back wasn’t clenched. The ever-present sense of impending danger was still there, but it was muted, like it had moved to the background. It felt good.

A little skin contact with Grace wasn’t going to suddenly fix me; the sense of calmness I felt was undoubtedly temporary. I had to be careful. But I couldn’t deny the ways Grace and I were connected. It was hurting both of us to be apart. I’d been home for almost a month, and that pain wasn’t easing. It was getting worse. The ache in my chest kept growing, and if she felt anything like I did, it was probably close to unbearable. I couldn’t win. If I gave in, there were so many ways this could go wrong. So many ways I could fail her. But my efforts to keep us apart, to somehow be friends, were turning into a slow form of torture.

I’m taking her out tomorrow night.” She cast a glance at me over her shoulder, then turned off both burners and gave the meat a quick stir. “Are you, now?” “Yeah. I kind of lost a bet.” “Oh, I see. So she’s making you do it.” “No. Sort of. I saw her at the gym and she bet me she could make me tap out.” I stretched my arm and rolled my shoulder. “She basically schooled me.” Gram chuckled. “That’s our Mama Bear.”

“I didn’t even know she’d learned to grapple. Some of her letters mentioned going to the gym, but I thought she meant working out to stay in shape.” She took the seat across from me. “Does it surprise you?” “A little bit, yeah. She was never interested in martial arts before.” “Trauma changes people. Makes them see things differently. You have to remember, she got hurt that night too.”

“She’s very good at making sure she seems all right on the outside. It’s a skill you two have in common. But it can also be a weakness.” “You don’t think she’s okay on the inside?” She tilted her head. “Normally I don’t like to point out the obvious. If someone’s going to insist on being stubborn or thick-headed, far be it for me to intervene. Reality will smack into them eventually. But no, Bear, she’s not. Neither of you are okay on the inside.” I paused, letting that sink in. Feeling like a selfish asshole for not thinking about it before. “Gram, I don’t know if I can be with her. Because you’re right, I’m not okay on the inside.” “Of course you aren’t. Nobody expects you to be, least of all Grace.” “I know she doesn’t. But the life we were planning before doesn’t exist anymore. I’m not the same. I wish I was, but I’m not. I’ve got a lot of…” I trailed off, not quite sure how to explain. “I have a lot of bad stuff inside. I don’t want to take her down with me.” She nodded slowly. “The spirit of a protector is strong in you. Always has been. It’s up to you to figure out how to use it. It takes wisdom and good judgment to know who needs your protection, and to recognize what you’re meant to protect them from.”

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but do those kids pick on you a lot?” He stared at the dirt, unmoving, his elbows resting on his knees. I waited again, leaving the ball in his court. I wanted to say something else—let him know he could tell me—but I also knew if I just stayed quiet, he might speak up. “Yeah,” he said finally. Fuck. “Your mom and Jack know about that?” “Not really.” “Why not?” “It’s not like they can do anything.” “Sure they can.” He looked up, his eyes fiery. “What? Anytime something happens at school, they just have a meeting. It doesn’t change anything.” “What would happen if you just punched one of the little shits in the face?” His eyebrows drew together, and I glanced away. I shouldn’t have said that.

“If you’re not interested, no pressure. But it can help a lot if you know how to take control of a situation. It sucks to feel powerless.” “I know. I hate it.” “Me too.” He met my eyes and nodded. “Okay.” A warm feeling spread through my chest. “It’s getting dark, so maybe tomorrow? I don’t have a mat, but we can use the grass. Just don’t wear something that’ll get you in trouble if you get grass stains on it.” He cracked a smile. Almost. “Yeah, okay.” “Awesome.” I stood and he handed me his empty can. “Thanks for your help. I’ll see you tomorrow, then?” He got up and brushed his hands on his pants. “Yeah.”

“Um, Asher?” “Yeah?” “My mom doesn’t let me have Coke.” The corner of my mouth lifted, and I winked. “Don’t worry, kid. I just spent seven years in prison. I ain’t no snitch.” And for the first time since I’d been back, I saw Elijah smile.

This new Asher wasn’t the same man. I knew that. He’d probably never be as easygoing as he’d once been. Prison had stripped him of that. And I hoped—for his sake—that his hypervigilance would ease and the anger I could see simmering beneath the surface would fade. But the more I got to know him again, the more I knew I truly loved him. They hadn’t stolen his compassion. He hadn’t lost his desire to protect the people he loved. His once-easy smile had become harder to earn, but it wasn’t gone. And he still had his sense of humor. He would always be intelligent and hard-working, and his loyalty ran deep. The question wasn’t whether I still loved Asher. I did, from the very bottom of my heart and soul. The question was whether he still loved me.

Physical attraction aside—it was clear we still had that—did he still want me? How much of his guardedness and reluctance to reestablish our relationship was because he didn’t feel the same way about me anymore? That sobering thought hit me as he led me out to his truck. After all, I’d been the one chasing him since he’d come home. The only reason we were on this date was because I’d goaded him into it. At some point, I was going to have to bring it up. He’d told me, more than once, how he felt about being with me—given me reasons for the distance he was keeping between us. But he hadn’t told me how he felt about me. Specifically, whether he still loved me or not.

The lights dimmed and the curtains parted. Asher shifted in his seat and moved his arm, gently draping it over my leg. My lips twitched with a smile. This was even better. It didn’t take long before I had no idea what was happening on stage. The audience laughed. I rested my cheek against his arm. The audience sighed. I turned my face slightly so I could inhale his scent. The audience gasped. It sounded like a good show, but I was lost in the feel of him pressed so close against me. As the play went on, he relaxed. He splayed his palm over my thigh. Then his fingers idly shifted the hem of my dress and he traced circles over the skin just above my knee. Without really meaning to, I tipped my legs apart another inch and I felt his sharp intake of breath.

Toward the end, he tilted his face toward me and inhaled deeply. God, he was smelling my hair. I nuzzled my cheek against him, reacting to his touch and attention. I smelled him again, not even trying to hide it. He was the human equivalent of a potent drug—deliciously intoxicating and completely addicting.

I hoped he wouldn’t ask too many questions about the play. I couldn’t have guessed what it had been about. The audience had seemed to enjoy it, but I’d been engrossed in enjoying him. We got in the truck and he glanced at me. “The play was… good.” “Yeah, I really enjoyed it.” Or, more accurately, I enjoyed sitting so close to you. “Me too.”

For a brief moment, everything stilled. Neither of us even blinked. Then he moved. In an instant, he popped the latch on my seatbelt and hauled me across the seat. I let his jacket slip from my shoulders. His tongue wet his lips and he pressed his palm to the side of my face, brushing his nose against mine. With blood roaring in my ears, I waited, my mouth parted, ready for him. He surged in to capture my lips with his. My eyes fluttered closed and I exhaled, sinking into his kiss. Oh my god, finally. It felt so good, I thought I might melt away into nothing.

By the time we pulled up to my house, I felt like I’d been dunked in cold water. I had no idea what was going on in Asher’s head, and I couldn’t exactly ask. But the space between us felt like a crevasse. Evan let us both out and Asher walked me to my door. I needed him to stay. I needed his arms around me, to soothe the fear simmering in my belly. To hold me after what we’d just done. I craved his touch with a fierceness that surprised me, even now. But I couldn’t seem to make my mouth form the right words. Couldn’t bring myself to ask. I was too afraid he’d say no.

I knew I’d just fucked up. Badly. She’d given me every opportunity to ask to come in and I hadn’t taken it. And why the hell not? We’d just made out in the truck and dry humped so hard we’d both come through our fucking clothes. Why not just go in and finish what we’d started? Do it right this time? Evan didn’t say anything as he pulled out of her driveway and headed to Gram’s. I’d never been more grateful for his tendency toward silence. Raking my fingers through my hair, I struggled with what to do. I didn’t want to hurt her. That was why I’d tried to stay away. Why I’d told her to let me go all those years ago and resigned myself to losing her. But I couldn’t stay away. It was killing me, and I knew it had to be killing her too. God, I was such an idiot. “Stop,” I said, my voice rough. “Go back.”

Her cheeks were flushed pink and anger burned in her eyes. She opened her mouth—probably to yell at me—but I didn’t give her the chance. I barreled inside, kicking the door shut behind me, and didn’t stop until I had her backed up against a wall. I caged her in with my arms, leaving her no choice but to look at me. “I love you.” Her lips parted and she gasped. “I’m so sorry.” Picking her up, I held her against the wall and cut off whatever she was about to say with a kiss. She wrapped her legs around my waist and threw her arms over my shoulders, kissing me back with as much intensity as I felt. “I fucking love you so much,” I growled into her mouth. She responded with what felt like a sob, her body shuddering. It sliced me right through the chest, but instead of flinching away from the pain it caused, I dug into it. Let it hurt. I deserved it. But maybe tonight I could help ease it for both of us, at least a little.

It’s fine. And I’ve never been with anyone else.” I gazed into her blue eyes, feeling so fucking unworthy. I hadn’t meant to suggest I thought she might not be safe. “I love you so much.” “I love you too. Now please fuck me before I die of anticipation. I’ve been waiting for this for such a long time.” “I know, baby. I have too.”

She rolled onto her back and pulled me down. Our bodies tangled together and we held each other tight, catching our breath, our hearts racing. I planted soft kisses anywhere I could find skin, murmuring how much I loved her. Because I did. I always had. And in this moment, nothing else mattered.

I turned onto my side and hooked an arm around Grace’s waist. Hauled her closer. She made a little noise in her throat, then nestled in against me. Inhaling deeply, I smelled her hair. Her skin. Her scent settled in my lungs, triggering a deep response in my brain. Contentment. Satisfaction. Relief. I didn’t know what came next. My reasons for keeping us apart hadn’t gone anywhere. Being with Grace like this made me feel better, but the blissful peace wasn’t permanent.

I dipped my forehead to hers. “Oh my god. You’re so fucking cute.” “You don’t think that’s gross?” “I would have done the same thing if I could have.” “I thought you didn’t think about me when you were in prison.” It hurt to hear her say that, but I wasn’t surprised. “No, I thought about you every day. Every morning when I woke up, you were the first thing on my mind. And when I had to put you away, you didn’t go very far. I couldn’t always keep you up here.” I tapped my temple. “So I held onto you in here.” I put my hand on my chest. She placed her hand over mine and curled our fingers together. “Thank you for coming back last night.” “I’m sorry I walked away in the first place.”

“When did you start training? I don’t remember you mentioning it in your letters.” “I probably didn’t. It felt weird to bring it up, because of why I’d started.” “What do you mean?” “I took my first class a few weeks after you left. I decided I never wanted to feel helpless again.” Hearing her say that sent a flash of memory through my mind. I could still see it all so clearly, still feel the sickening realization hit me. They had Grace. “Hey.” She touched my face. “Are you okay?” “Yeah, sorry.” I brushed a tendril of hair off her forehead. “Are you okay?

But it still happened to you, too. I mean, I saw it. They—” “I know,” she said, quickly cutting me off. “We don’t need to relive it.” “Okay.” I brushed her hair back again. She was quiet for a moment, then took a deep breath. “I’ve never been back to the bar where it happened. A few people have told me I should go, like it would give me closure or something. But I’ve never wanted to. I pretty much avoid that whole street. And Cara thinks I have a problem going places by myself. Public places. She said I can’t go anywhere alone, except for work.” “Is she right?” “Kind of? Maybe? I don’t know, she also said I might have just gotten used to going everywhere with her and it became a habit to call her when I have to go shopping or something. We were roommates for a long time and we literally did everything together.” “She seems like a good friend. I’m glad you have her.” “Me too. She’s a very good friend. I’m so glad you don’t hate her, because that would have been awful.”

“I meant what I said about never being with anyone else. I just want to make sure you know that.” “I know. I haven’t done anything to deserve your faithfulness, but I’ve never doubted you.” I kissed her forehead. “I hope it goes without saying that I haven’t been with anyone else either.”

“I’m sorry if I made you doubt that I love you. I never stopped. And I know it’s probably hard to understand, but everything I did was because of how much I love you. Maybe it was all wrong. But I’m not…” I trailed off, struggling to find the words to explain. “You’re not the same.” “I’m not, but it’s deeper than that.” I glanced away. It was hard to look at her and talk about this. “It was rough in there. Maybe it makes me weak that everything that happened fucked me up inside like it did. But I’m just trying to keep it together. It’s harder than you think.” She touched my face again, caressing my rough jaw with her soft fingertips. “I know. And it’s okay.”

“Grace, last night meant everything to me…” I trailed off again, searching for what else I was trying to say. “I can hear you hesitating. I know you’re not ready to say we’re officially engaged again. That’s okay. I haven’t taken your ring off, but not because I think we’re going to start planning a wedding. I still wear it because taking it off would feel like giving up. And I can’t do that.” The sting of tears hit my eyes and I swallowed hard against the lump in my throat. I wasn’t just unworthy, I was lower than the dust beneath her feet. “I don’t know why you still love me. I haven’t done anything to deserve it.” “Maybe that’s not how love works. Nobody’s keeping score. I love you because I do. Because of who you were, and who you are now. Because something deep inside me is connected to something deep inside you. And whatever that is, I think it’s worth fighting for.”

“Do you remember what you said to me the night you first told me you loved me?” she asked. I nodded. That had been one of the most important nights of my life. I’d never forget a moment of it. “You said it was okay if I didn’t say it back yet. You just wanted a chance. And then you asked me for a summer.” “I remember.” “Well, that’s what I’m asking for now. It’s okay if you aren’t ready to give me forever. I understand you have things to work out for yourself first. So give me a summer. If we’re still together at the end of it, then…” She caught her bottom lip between her teeth. “We see where it goes.”

“You’re kidding yourself. I don’t need time. I need to face the truth about who I am, and so do you. I’m not cut out for this. I love you, and I always will, but I can’t marry you. I can’t be your husband, and I can’t father your children. That’s the life you want—a life with a good man and a family. I can’t give you that. I can’t be him, no matter how much you want me to.” Tears welled in my eyes and my throat felt so thick, I wasn’t sure I could get any words out. “You’re wrong.” “No, I’m not. I’d be wrong to try to keep you when I know I can’t.” “So that’s it?” I sniffed, trying to hold back my tears. “After everything we’ve been through, you just want to quit?” He closed his eyes. “Don’t make this harder. Please.”

“Fuck you, Asher,” I snapped. “You keep trying to tell me I don’t understand, but neither do you. You don’t understand a fucking thing if you think there could ever be anyone else. Even if I had listened to you and taken off your ring, moving on was never an option, even if I’d wanted to. That’s the part of this you’re refusing to see. If I tell you fine, it’s over, I’m done with you, are you going to go out and find someone else? A few years from now, do you really see yourself living with some other woman?” “No.” “Try to tell me it’s because you’re too fucked up to be with anyone and that’s the only reason.” “I am too fucked up to be with anyone.” “But even if you decided you weren’t, no one would ever be right for you the way I am. You know how I know that? Because no one will ever be right for me the way you are.”

“How the hell do you know about that? And how did you know where I’d be?” “It’s a small town, dude, everyone knows everything.” I glared at him. “Grace activated the Bailey alert system. She said, and I quote…” He paused to get his phone out of his pocket. “‘Asher just left Cara’s and I’m afraid of what he’s going to do. He looked like he wanted to go kill someone and I don’t use that phrase lightly.’” “Seriously?” “Yeah, man. I was closest, so I said I’d head you off.”

“Unless you tell me someone’s dragging the Haven brothers out there so I can beat the shit out of them, the answer is no.” “This isn’t a Haven problem, Ash. This is Bailey business.” “The fuck it is. I don’t have an issue with any of you.” “Yeah, well maybe we have a fucking problem with you.” “I’m not fighting out there.” He chuckled, his demeanor still completely nonchalant. “It’s so funny how you think you have a choice.” “I’m not going.” “Let me make something perfectly clear.” He shifted on the seat so he was facing me. “We’re going. You can drive, or you can try to get out of it. But if I have to knock you out cold, hog-tie you, toss you in the back, and handcuff you to the truck, I’ll do it. You think you’re stubborn? I’m fucking relentless.” His eyes were wild, the sort of crazy a guy couldn’t fake. He wasn’t kidding.

“To be fair, we probably shouldn’t call it sparring,” Gavin said, adjusting the strap on one of his gloves. “Because I’m going to fucking hit him for real.” Logan laughed. “Your funeral,” Evan said with a skeptical glance at Gavin. “I can take him,” Gavin said. “And now you’ll all know.” “Gav, you’re nuts, man,” Logan said. “I still say we should do this two on one.” Gavin eyed me with that wild-eyed expression. It was unnerving. “Nope. I got this.”

He didn’t jump up and celebrate his victory. That wasn’t how we did things. Instead, he got up first and held out a hand to help me to my feet. I stood and he wrapped his arms around me, hugging me tight. I hugged him back, feeling no shame at my loss. I’d deserved to lose today. They’d been right to bring me out here, and the outcome was as it should have been. Evan had said it best. When one of the pack went rogue, the others had to deal with him. I wasn’t going to cause more trouble for my family. From now on, I was going to do what I could to make sure I didn’t cause more trouble for anyone. It was the only thing left I could do.

The look in his eyes when he’d driven away had been terrifying. For now, I had to trust them to get him through whatever this was. I hated doing it, but I had to let him go—for the moment, at least. I knew him well enough to know there wasn’t anything more I could do. Besides, he’d just broken up with me. Again. And I was pretty fucking angry about that.

So what happened?” Tears instantly flooded my eyes. “He broke up with me. Again.” “What?” “We went to the house to look at the damage and when we got back here, he said he had to go. So I asked if he’d come back and stay here with me tonight. He told me no.” I sniffed and tried to wipe my eyes. Cara deftly took my drink. “Then he said I need to face reality. He can’t do this. He can’t be a husband or someone’s father.”

I slumped back against her headboard. “I love him, Cara. I love him so much it hurts.” “I know you do, boo.” “But it used to be so easy. When we were little kids, it was like we’d always been best friends. I never questioned it. And when we got older and started to drift apart, it felt so wrong. I didn’t understand why until the night he told me he loved me. Then it was like everything fell into place. We were happily dating, and I knew we were going to get married, even before he proposed. And it’s not that every second was perfect. We had our little arguments like anyone would. But everything was easy. It was simple.” “And now it’s hard.” My eyes filled with tears again. I didn’t bother stopping them. “So hard. I feel like I’ve had to fight for ground every day since he came home. I’m tired, Cara.” She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I know you are.”

I laughed softly through my tears. “But I think for you two, it’s real. You’re actually soulmates. And it’s nothing short of a goddamn tragedy that you’re not happily married and making babies right now.” “I don’t know what to do.” I twisted my ring around my finger. “How many times does he have to break up with me before I get it through my thick head that he means it?” “The problem is, he doesn’t mean it for the right reasons. If he wanted to go find some tattooed biker girl with a record to suit his new ex-con persona, that would be one thing. And reason for me to murder him, just so we’re clear. But he loves you just as much as you love him.”

She pressed her lips together for a second. “What if he isn’t wrong?” “Not wrong about what? You just said we’re soulmates.” “Yeah, and in a perfect world you would have become Grace Bailey a long time ago. But he’d still be the old Asher. The reality is, he’s not. He’s all kinds of fucked up and we both know it. His brothers know it, too. We’ve all been watching him like a hawk lately, waiting for him to self-destruct. If he doesn’t get that under control, maybe he’s right. Maybe he shouldn’t be a husband and father.” Glancing away, I chewed on my lower lip. “I don’t want that to be true any more than you do. I know how much you want him, and I want you to have him just as much. But what if you want something that’s not good for you because you’ve wanted it for so long you don’t question it anymore?” I felt like crumpling into a ball and falling apart. I didn’t want her to be right. But I knew she might be. And I hated it. “Maybe I should have listened to him the first time,” I said, my voice deceptively quiet, a stark contrast to the torrent of grief clawing at my chest. “He told me it was over, but I refused to listen. If I’d accepted it then, none of this would have happened. The worst would have been over a long time ago.” He wouldn’t have had to break my heart a second time.

“I don’t need your help. Go home.” He flinched like I’d slapped him. “Grace—” “No. I don’t need you.” “Just let me help.” The pain in his eyes reflected mine. This was killing us both and it made me furious. And I snapped. “I waited for you for seven fucking years.” I knew it had nothing to do with what he’d just said, but the words tumbled out just the same. “And now I’m realizing everyone who thought I was crazy or stupid was right. I should have listened to you that day in the sheriff’s office. You laid it out for me. You told me the truth. You said it had to be over. But did I listen? Nope. I dug my heels in and convinced myself this was just a bump in the road.” I paused to swallow and wipe my cheeks. It was hard to speak clearly but I couldn’t stop this avalanche of emotion. “I used to imagine your release day. When things were hard or I was missing you more than usual, I’d stare out the window and picture it. They’d open that big gate and you’d come walking out. And I’d be standing there next to my car, wearing something cute I’d picked out for the first time you saw me again. I’d run right into your open arms and you’d hold me and it would mean we’d never have to be apart like that again. But that was just a stupid fantasy.” “I tried, Grace. I wanted to make this work for you, but I can’t.” “You didn’t try,” I shot back. “What else do you expect me to do?” “Get some fucking help. Would it have killed you to just talk to someone?” He crossed his arms and his jaw hit...

“Fine. You don’t need therapy. Or maybe we both do. I don’t care anymore. You don’t want to be in my life anyway, so it doesn’t matter.” “Grace, I—” “No. I’m done. You said it’s over, and I’m listening to you this time. Because I can’t keep doing this.” Reality was hitting me square in the face. This was really it. I twisted his ring off my finger. “You have to go. This house isn’t your responsibility. I’m not your responsibility. You can’t be with me? Fine. Then we’re done.” His dark brow furrowed and his hands clenched into fists. He looked down at the ring pinched between my thumb and forefinger. He’d hurt me. Deeply. I’d put that hurt away, believing in the very deepest place in my soul that he would heal that wound someday. And then he didn’t. He tore it open again, leaving me raw and bleeding. So I looked down at that ring, opened my fingers, and watched it fall to the debris-littered floor. Then I turned and walked away.

The automatic doors slid open as I raced outside. It probably looked like I’d just shoplifted something, but I didn’t care. I had to get away—had to outrun this feeling. This fear. I was so alone. I got in my car, slammed the door shut, and locked it. My hands shook violently and tears streaked down my face. What the hell had just happened? What was wrong with me? I never thought about that night. Not that part, at least. I could see the rest. The moment when the cops had led Asher away in handcuffs. But the alley? I’d blocked it out. Gotten rid of those awful memories. Oh my god. I had blocked it out. But I hadn’t gotten rid of anything. It was all still there, deep inside me. The realization hit me as hard as the fear, like a storm breaking in my chest. I’d been assaulted, and I’d never dealt with it. How could I be oblivious for so long and then see it so clearly in an instant?