Fighting for Us (Bailey Brothers, #2)

by Claire Kingsley

Spreading the fingers of my still-trembling left hand, I looked at the bare spot where Asher’s ring had been. At the indent left behind. And I wanted to punch the dashboard just like he had yesterday. I wanted to scream, and cry, and rage at the world. Because none of this was fair. I wished I could go to him now. I craved the solace of his arms around me with a desperation that I could hardly bear. But I couldn’t do that to myself. Even if he comforted me tonight, tomorrow he’d break my heart again. And there were only so many times I could put myself through that. Only so many times I could live through the wound in my soul being ripped open before I broke apart completely.

I checked my phone, stupidly hoping I’d have a text from Grace, but knowing I wouldn’t. And knowing that it was entirely my fault. I’d thought once I broke things off, I’d at least feel a sense of closure. I wasn’t leading her on, letting her believe I could be someone I wasn’t. All I’d done was tell her the truth. That was supposed to have helped. But I felt worse than ever.

Sorry I didn’t ask you or Naomi first. I just figured I could show him a few things.” “That’s all right. Under normal circumstances, I think Naomi would have wanted to know. But this was obviously what he needed.” “Good to hear it helped.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “Did he… did he ask you to bring him here? Or was this your idea?” “Both, I suppose. He piped up one night at dinner and told us you’d been teaching him to grapple. He started naming moves and telling us about things you’d talked about. I think he said more to us that night than he’d said in the last year. It was like you broke him wide open. He was afraid we’d be mad, but he seemed to relax when he realized we weren’t. Then he said something about me working out here at the gym and I had this feeling he was giving me an in. So I went for it. Anyway, I hope I’m not stepping on your toes. You were basically his coach and I didn’t mean to take over.” “No, not at all. I’m glad you did. He needs this. He needs you.”

He smiled and the pride shining in his eyes made my throat feel thick again. “So, thanks for teaching me stuff. And, um, I was wondering if maybe I could still come over sometimes. If you need help working on your truck or anything.” Damn it, this kid was going to make me cry. “Yeah, bud. Anytime.” “Thanks.” Holding my arm out, I beckoned him closer. “Come here, kiddo. Baileys always hug it out.” I expected him to give me a quick side hug, but he wrapped his arms around my waist. I squeezed him and let go. He gave me one more smile, then ran off to find Jack.

“What troubles you, Bear?” My first instinct was to say nothing, or I’m fine, but I didn’t bother lying to her. Instead, I stared out at the darkness for a while.

“I didn’t want to hurt Grace again,” I said, finally, my voice quiet. “But I told her I can’t marry her. If I didn’t do it now, I’d only be delaying the inevitable.” “It probably feels that way. But there’s not much that’s really inevitable.” “Like death and taxes?” “Oh, sure, there’s that. But I’d say love is, too.” “I wish it were that easy. Just love someone and the rest takes care of itself.” She laughed softly. “It’s never that easy, Bear.” “It was for us.” “Until it wasn’t.” I shifted in my chair. “That’s what I mean. Back then, all I had to do was love her. And now, no matter what I do, I can’t win. Either I hold onto her and she suffers because of me, or I let her go so she at least has a chance at happiness, but I lose her.” “If that’s how you see it, then that’s how it is.” “What’s that supposed to mean?” “It means you’re convinced you see things the only way they can be seen.

“That’s amazing, Gram.” “He was an amazing man.” “He really was. It must be hard to live without him.” “I miss him every single day. But like I said, his love was big. He left me with enough to last until the day I’m called home and get to see him again.” I let out another breath to ease the tightness in my chest. Gram grew quiet, her chair coming to a stop. I thought she might be getting ready to go inside, but instead, she spoke. “Grace’s love is awfully big, Bear. For a long time, it was big enough for both of you.” “I love her too, Gram. Me not loving her isn’t the problem.” “Of course not. You’ve loved her since you were a boy.” I scrubbed my hands over my face. She wasn’t wrong. “The problem is, you’re carrying around all that anger and pain. Your wounds are deep, and the first was inflicted a long time ago.” “I know, but losing Mom and Dad hurt everybody.”

The thing about pain, whether it’s physical or not, it demands our attention. A lot of the time that’s as it should be. We move our hand away from a flame to avoid being burned, or we treat an injury so our body can heal. But when that pain doesn’t go away, and it’s not something we can easily fix, it starts to dominate our life. Add in a hefty dose of anger, especially anger at things you can’t change, and it’s easy to forget how to feel anything else.”

Grace has been trying to show you the only way she knows how. By loving you through this. She’s a bit like Grandad. She doesn’t see your anger and pain as an obstacle that can’t be overcome, any more than he saw our parents’ prejudice as something we had to accept. You have your feet on the ground and you’re staring at the trunk of the tree. But she’s soaring above it. You’re both looking at the same thing, but she sees a side of it that you don’t. So maybe you need to look at it through her eyes.” “Gram, I don’t know if I know how.” “Sure you do. Imagine what life would be like if your love for each other was bigger than anything else. What would you do? Because I can assure you that it is. You just have to open your eyes and see it.”

I’d believed I couldn’t fight again. Couldn’t even train. It was too dangerous. But I’d taught Elijah. I’d grappled with Gavin, and even in the face of losing, I hadn’t lost control. So maybe I’d been wrong. I knew Declan’s offer still stood. I could leave Tilikum. Train to fight professionally. Maybe make a lot of money. Give Grace the space to move on. It wasn’t a real option, and I knew it; and not because I couldn’t be a fighter. I tucked his card back inside and pulled out the one I’d really been after. Grace had quietly left me business cards for several therapists. This one specifically worked with transitioning prisoners.

The last week had been agonizing. It was so much like the beginning of Asher’s prison sentence, it almost felt like I was having flashbacks. When they’d first taken him away, the grief of missing him had been sharp and acute. Over time, it had dulled, becoming easier to live with. Now it was as fresh as the day he’d been led out of the courtroom in handcuffs.

“You’re so fidgety,” she said. “Will a manicure get you to stop picking at your fingers?” I stilled my hands in my lap for about three seconds. My finger felt naked and uncomfortable without the ring I’d worn for so long. I couldn’t stop rubbing the indent where it had been.

I leaned my head back against the seat. “Did I tell you I tried to go to the hardware store alone?” She gasped. “No. What happened? Was I wrong and you were totally fine? Because, for the record, I’d be very happy to be wrong and to discover that you just love me so much you never want to do anything without me.” “Unfortunately, no.” “Damn.” “It was awful. I was terrified. I knew where I was, and I knew it didn’t make any sense. But I ran out of the store and locked myself in my car. How messed up is that?” She sighed. “My baby’s growing up and discovering her neuroses.”

We passed a large sign, the words catching my attention from the corner of my eye. I whipped around to look, but we were driving too fast. I must have read it wrong. Except… “Cara?” “Yeah?” “Did that sign say Correctional Facility?” “What sign?” “Cara.” She shrugged. “I didn’t see a sign.” “Don’t lie to me.”

I hated this place. It made me sick with rage just to look at it. This was where I’d lost him. Where they’d taken him from me. “Why are we here?” I asked again, my voice barely a whisper. She stopped and pointed out my window. “That’s why.” Asher stood near the wall, dressed in a dark t-shirt and jeans. He didn’t come toward the car, just waited with his thick arms at his sides. “Go,” Cara said.

“What are you doing here?” I couldn’t believe he’d come back to this place willingly. He cast a quick glance at the watchtower, like it made him nervous. “It’s a do-over.” “A what?” “A do-over. You weren’t here the day I was released and you should have been.” He looked over his shoulder. “Although I’m not going to ask them to let me in and then let me out the gate again. If you really need me to, I could try, but I don’t know if they can. I obviously won’t pass a background check.” “No, god, don’t go in there.” One corner of his mouth lifted in a smile. “Good. Grace, I’m so sorry. I doubt I could have made this any worse for you if I’d tried. It might be too late, and if it is, I’m going to have to figure out how to live with that. But if it isn’t, if there’s even the tiniest chance you could forgive me, I have to try.” “I thought you couldn’t be with me. Isn’t that what you keep saying?”

“I didn’t want you to know about everything that happened in there because it was bad enough that I knew.” He flexed his fingers. “My hands remember exactly how it feels to break a bone and knock a guy out cold. I have a lot of shit I have to live with, and I didn’t want you to know that part of me existed. I think deep down, I thought you could move on and remember the old Asher, and pretend I’m someone else.” “It doesn’t work that way.” “I know.” He took a deep breath. “The wrongness of living without you is killing me. I think it’s killing us both. I really thought I was doing what was right. But I was wrong. I was so fucking wrong and I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it. “You’ve been fighting for us since the night I was arrested. And I failed you. I should have been fighting by your side. I never should have left you. I should have put my faith in you the way you put your faith in me. I should have believed in us. I’m so sorry I didn’t.” Tears welled in my eyes, but I didn’t know what to say.

“Grace, I’m fucked up and broken, and I can’t lie, I’m scared as hell. I’m scared I’ll ruin your life and someday you’re going to look back and wish I’d never come home. But I love you. I love you with every molecule in my body and every shred of my soul, and I will until the day I die. “I’m standing here before you, a man who was stripped of his freedom, his future, all his plans. This whole experience brought me to my knees. But there was one thing they could never take, and it’s all I have left to give you. My love. I don’t know if it’s enough—I don’t know if anything could ever be enough after what I’ve done—but if you’ll have me, it’s yours.” My lip trembled and it took me a second before I could get any words out. “Asher, that’s all I’ve ever wanted from you.”

His brow furrowed and he tentatively lifted his arms to the sides. I didn’t hesitate. I ran to him and jumped, throwing my arms around his neck and wrapping my legs around his waist. He held me tight, crushing me against him. “You’ll never have to fight alone again,” he murmured against my neck. “I’ll always be with you. I swear. I’ll never leave you. Do you hear me? I promise.” It was hard to stop sobbing long enough to answer. “I hear you.” “I’m so sorry. I love you so much.” “I love you too.” He held me for long moments, eventually letting me slide down to the ground. Gently cupping my face, he...

We both had a lot of healing to do. But wrapped in each other’s love, there wasn’t anything we couldn’t face. I believed that down to the very bottom of my soul. Asher and I belonged to each other. He pulled away slightly and kissed my forehead. I reached up to touch the side...

You’re a born coach, man. I can see it.” A born coach. Declan had said I was a born fighter. I liked this take on it a lot better. “You know what, let’s talk about what it would take,” I said. “I’m interested.” Mark shook my hand. “Great. We’ll set something up.” Grace bit her bottom lip through her smile as Mark went back into the gym. I slipped an arm around her waist. “You look awfully happy.” “I’m just so proud of you.” I kissed her forehead. “Thanks, Gracie Bear.”

Grace had her hands over her mouth, her shoulders shaking as she giggled at them. Logan wiped a handful of pie from his face. “G, you set us up? That’s it.” She squealed and tried to run away, but Logan got her with a blob of chocolate. I heard someone mutter oh shit as I jumped over the front counter, and all-out war began. Gavin and Levi attacked me with handfuls of pie filling as I tried to throw myself in front of Grace. Chocolate and whipped cream flew, splattering everywhere. I scooped up a blob off the floor and hurled it at Logan. He answered back with another handful that smeared over my shirt. “Hey, Baileys.” Jack’s voice boomed across the lobby. We all stopped and looked at him. He and several deputies grinned at us, all with pies in their hands. Oh shit.

She was standing in the daylight, her hair moving in the breeze. Beautiful and perfect. And, despite everything, mine. Which was something of a miracle.

“Thank you,” she said softly. “For this? Of course. We both needed it.” “Yes, but…” She paused and lifted her face to meet my eyes. “Thank you for what you did here. For saving me.” I brushed her hair back from her face. “Thank you for saving me.” She smiled up at me. And the fact that she could do that here—with her blue eyes shining with true happiness—lifted some of the weight off my shoulders. Some of the power this place, and that night, had held over me was gone, dissolving into the air and blowing away on the gentle wind.

“This is like one of those home improvement shows where they build a whole house in like two days,” Logan said. “You guys will be living here by next week.” “I can’t believe how much progress we’ve already made,” Grace said. “Couple more weeks and we’ll be neighbros.” Logan lifted his hand to fist bump mine. I just looked at him. “What?” “Didn’t I tell you? We’re moving in next door.” “What?” Grace squealed. Her what sounded a lot more enthusiastic than mine. “Next door to us? Here?” Logan looked entirely too proud of himself. “Yeah. Since Gavin obviously isn’t going anywhere, we figured we should get a house with a third bedroom. The one next door was available, so we snapped it up.” “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said. “This is going to be so fun,” Grace said. “I know,” Logan said. “It’s gonna be lit. The backyard is huge. I’m already working on a design for the fire pit.” Grace smiled.

Grace swiped under her eyes. “I don’t even know what to say.” “That’s all right, Mama Bear, I hear what your heart’s saying.” Gram glanced back at the house. “Things are looking good in there. You’ll be hanging this on the wall in no time.” “Yeah, we will,” Grace said. “It’s such a shame there was a fire, but it could have been so much worse.” “Sometimes these things happen just the way they’re meant to,” Gram said. “There’s meaning in the two of you bringing this house back from the ashes together. Making it a home.” I looked at Grace and she met my eyes. Gram was right. This house was full of meaning for us. It was a link between our past and our future. A representation of the life we’d both wanted, and the life we were now working together to build.

Because love was bigger than tragedy. It was bigger than pain. I’d lost sight of that for a while, but Grace had been here to show me the way. Her steadfast love and loyalty had taught me so much. She’d saved me from the darkness, from the demons I’d never thought I’d escape. Her love was that big. I never should have doubted her. But somewhere along the way, I must have done something right, because this beautiful woman was mine. Forever. And soon, I was going to make that official.

I’m sorry for all the ways I made things harder. I’m trying to make it up to you, but I don’t know if it will ever be enough. You waited for me for so long. That still blows me away.” “It’s simple. I waited because you’re my best friend and I love you. Because you sacrificed everything for me. And because I knew you’d be worth the wait, no matter what.” Idly rubbing my ring finger, he tucked my hair behind my ear with his other hand. “Grace, you’re worth everything. And there’s something I need to ask you.” My heart fluttered in my chest. His eyes were intent on mine, holding me captive. “The first time I did this, I made a big show out of it. And that was fun. I’m glad I did it that way. But this is different. This question, this moment, isn’t about a grand gesture in front of the whole town. It’s about you and me.” Swallowing hard, I nodded. “Grace Miles, I’ve loved you my whole life, and I’m going to love you until the day I die. It would be my greatest honor if you would spend those days with me, as my wife. I promise you, I’ll spend the rest of my life loving you with everything that I am.” He leaned closer, brushing his nose against mine. “Will you marry me?” Closing my eyes, I melted against him. His arms wrapped around me and he buried his face in my neck. “Yes,” I said softly in his ear. He squeezed me tight, almost crushing me against him. “I love you so much.” “I love you too.”

He lifted my hand and slid a ring on my finger. The same ring I’d worn before. Biting my bottom lip, I gazed at my hand through the tears filling my eyes. It looked so perfect. Like I’d never taken it off. “You kept it.” “Of course I did,” he said. “I’m sorry I ever gave you a reason to take it off. That won’t happen again.” “I know.”

I let out a long breath and he pulled me in close. Wrapped his thick arms around me. A few tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. Everything was right again. Asher and I were together. We were whole. The back door opened and Gavin poked his head out. “Gram said to quit making out back here or you’re both grounded.” “I said no such thing.” Gram’s voice carried from inside. “You kiss that girl all you want, Bear.”

Taking my hand, Asher led me inside. Gram caught my eye and her mouth twitched in a smile. Maybe he hadn’t told them, but I had a feeling she knew. “So, Grace and I have something to say.” Asher glanced down at me and winked. “We’re getting married. Again. Or still.” “How about still,” I said, holding up my hand. Everyone jumped up from the table and the next thing I knew, I was being hugged by a seemingly endless stream of people. My tearful mom, then Jack. Elijah, who seemed like he’d grown two inches since last week. Logan squeezed me so tight I had to beg him to stop and Gavin lifted me up and twirled me around. Levi hugged me almost as hard as Logan had. Evan held back at first, but still hugged us both, offering sincere, if gruff, congratulations.